Husband obsessed with prostitutes

[KatyD4]

My husband has a history of seeing/becoming obsessed with sex workers. Last time I was so devastated that I left him for four months. We are both in our sixties and it's the second marriage for both of us. We've been married for ten years but he has always been involved with other women and they are always 'professionals'. I could cope if it really was just a 'massage' or even full sex and it was a business transaction but he takes them out to dinner, buys them presents and texts them endlessly. He even invited one of them to a garden party at our house. I know when it's happening because he treats me off-handedly and is more critical.

I recently discovered that he had 'lent' one thousand of pounds --over 50 thousand and I left him but he promised to stop seeing her and all other sex workers but now I'm back at home and he's off again with a new one... He likes to advise them as to how they can run their business and make more money and more of themselves. Writing this I know I sound pathetic but I love him. My friend says either leave him or 'put up and shut up'. I feel useless and despairing tonight. Any ideas anyone ?

please tell me you are not trying to compete sexually with prostitutes

please

Oh my love I'm so sorry. I read that like my mum, I mean love no offense. Without wishing to upset you, I would wish my mum a much better life than this. Hiding it would make me sad. I'd want to 'save' you. Please. Please think. Life must be better than this. You are better than this.

^ AF is right, this man is not going to stop seeking the favours of working girls, until his money runs out. maybe he'll stop having PIV sex with them, but not for want of trying and not without paying them and spending time with them.

if he does stop, it'll be because his money runs out. so, it'll be when you're on the street too.

i am staggered to read what you have put up with. i am almost lost for words trying to imagine how you could LIKE let alone love someone so utterly pathetic and disrespectful.

You deserve better than this. You shouldn't and don't have to live like this. He has no respect for your feelings. You don't deserve to be treated this

He's a pimp then? Giving prostitutes money to invest in furthering their careers(your money). Freeze any joint finances.

Just out of interest, what does he say the 50k is for ?

KATY, DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BANK ACCOUNT AND SOLE CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES.

I would hate for you to left in debt run up in your name. Get out now and live your life for you.xxx

He likes to advise them as to how they can run their business and make more money and more of themselves.

ugh

Is he trying save 'fallen women' as well as shag them?

Katy,is he from the UK,and are the girls?

Katy don't let shame or fear of gossip on you divorcing again stop you from leaving him. Nor your grandchildren being fond of him. If your family truly knew how he treated you they would be horrified.

This period of your retired life should be enjoyable. You deserve it. Not living in fear of what he's up to, wasting money, treating you off handedly not to mention the fear of STIs. It's an addiction of his. It won't stop. It's who he is. You can remain amicable on divorce if you wish but you have to end this. It's repeated adultery. I feel so sad for you. You deserve better. The marriage is failing but YOU are not a failure. Gather your dignity together and end this. You have more strength than you realise.

If this was my Mother I'd be horrified.

Sorry OP, you ask 'any ideas'. The absolutely only logical idea is to walk away with some vestige of dignity. He disrespects you every single day in allowing you to live in the shadow of his sleaze. The depths of his fepraved behaviour will remain forever unknown because he is, and will always be a total c**t.

I am so sorry but every poster on here agrees. Leave. Rebuild your life. Do not shield him, minimise his actions or defend him. As your husband he has conditioned you to accept the unacceptable. Let all your friends and family know what he has done to you. I am certain you will find the vast majority support you.

Get a good lawyer and some counselling. You deserve so much more than this.

a completely unanimous thread on MN is rarer than hen's teeth

OP, all these women cannot be wrong

Such a sad thread. To be 60 and living this life

OP

A loving husband would not treat his wife this way.

OP, why do you want/need a husband who isn't loving?

OP, please stop loving this man. He isn't worthy. He's pathetic and disgusting. You are not.

This is a very sad thread.

Op someone who loves you doesn't repeatedly put you at risk of sti's, give away 50k (50k!?!) without consulting you, let alone to sex workers. Men who use prostitues have zero respect for women. However nice he is to you, he is a shit. I would imagine possibly he is indulging either some fetish or a more violent side with them (just a guess because you say your sex life has been good).

Being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. There are some people at your age who live communally with other women in fantastic set ups. There might be another much nicer man who comes along.

I could never, never, never date a man who visited prostitutes. It is the most horrible, abusive industry. There is a very strong likelihood he will have slept with someone trafficked. Definitely with someone who has had the shittest life, is addicted to drugs to cope with that and is doing sex work to pay for that habit.

I think maybe you must have very little self confidence to stay with a man who is treating you with such little respect. Leaving him must feel daunting but you have to. You can do it. You deserve so much better. What a slime ball. Think about what you would say to a friend if she was going through this, good luck!

I really hope that when I retire my biggest hope isn't that eventually my husband will be satisfied with one woman
Does that not sound utterly insane to you. Will you wait until 100?

Before you met him what were your dreams and aspirations for life in retirement?
Now you are clinging on for "best case scenarios"?!

I wouldn't be with anyone who had used a prostitute in their life. If it was whilst I was with them I would head straight to the door and never ever look back. It is absolutely disgusting on every single level!

Please don't waste the time you have. This is just so so sad. As they say-life isn't a dress rehearsal. This is it-this is your life!

The fact you can't tell your friends is surely enough to know this is far too dysfunctional to come back from?!

Why is this sleazeball still your husband? Sounds like he is not your H in anything but name.

He has no respect or regard for you at all OP. You deserve much better.

Our house is up for sale --I think I need to wait until I can take my half before I can go

Find out if you can get it written into the contract that any proceeds go 50% into a bank acount of his and 50% into a bank account of yours. (Assuming 50/50 ownership reflects the circumstances.) If he gets hold of all that money this could make the option of leaving him become all the more difficult.

You would be surprised at the amount of men who pay for sex, majority of them with girlfriends or wife's. They love their partners but they are not getting the sexual buzz that they desire so they choose to pay for sex as they don't want to have an affair as that involves having feelings for someone.I know many men that when their wifes/partner get their 2/4/6 children go off sex & expect their men to live with it. C'mon get real, do you really expect men just to sit back

Missscott are you suggesting OP has gone off sex and that's why he pays? I'm not sure your post is helpful or particularly relevant here. Katy's H is a serial adulterer, lends them vast sums of money and texts them often. Read the original post fully. It's not just a business transaction and her struggle with it is more than justified.