I would like to get some outside opinions on an issue which is causing some tension...
I have been seeing someone new for a few months and really like him, we feel we are well suited and we already both want the relationship to be serious, are on the same page with what we want in life, but I have some concerns about money.
I have a professional job and am fairly comfortable financially although I am quite junior in my career and far from loaded. I am trying to be quite careful with my money to save up to buy a flat. My bf is still studying and works in part time jobs to cover his costs. He is from another country and was apparently also getting money from his parents.
The issue is he now he has asked me a couple of times to give or lend him money and I feel uncomfortable with it.
The first time he did this I felt very very angry about it. Not sure why I reacted so badly to it but I felt a bit used or like he might be taking me for a mug. I said no and basically told him I was upset that he asked but he didn't see my point of view at all. I told a couple of friends and they agreed with me that they would be shocked if a new boyfriend started asking for money. I wondered if it is maybe a cultural difference as it might be more normal to ask for money in the country he is from...
His reasoning was we should want to help each other and should see ourselves as one unit. He is kind and caring and does go out if his way to help me for example he bought me some sports kit I needed, gives me massages, has cooked me nice meals etc... (I also do similar for him so that isn't one sided). However I think it's far too early to be a financial unit, when I am the only one who is actually bringing any money in and I just feel that I don't want to support him financially. I strongly feel that I want us to contribute equally, however am I being unfair and unrealistic as we don't earn equally? He will be training for a good career over the next year so does have decent prospects and hopefully we would eventually both be on good salaries.
Other than this one thing, I don't have any worries about the relationship and I see a future together so I don't know if I'm being silly, as if we eventually get married our money will merge anyway.
Hypothetically if I was on maternity leave or something and earning much less for a while, I would want my partner to want to support me, so should I see this next year where he is studying his professional exams as something similar where he needs short term support?
Is it me or him in the wrong? Am I being unfair by being suspicious? I have been badly hurt in the past and I think I am finding it hard to let my guard down. I don't want to lose him by being too defensive and wary but also don't want to be taken for a fool.
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Relationships
Money issue in a new relationship
RainbowB7 · 20/07/2014 18:48
Three months!!! 
. He doesn't sound funny, sweet, interesting, caring if he has already argued with you about you not lending him money. Someone who is sweet and caring wouldn't do it. You are deluding yourself if you are trying to blame this on his culture or his student'y ways. It's clearly a crap thing to do.
Talking about marriage and babies so soon is daft. If you do want to carry on eating him I would slow things down a lot.
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