i feel very disappointed in my parents.

[misdee]

now, then. even though there is a lot going on in my life and i need support i dont ask my parents to do that much really. my mum is VAd trained but hasnt completed her papaerwork so cant sit with peter, my dad wont be trained as says he'd panic.

so weeks ago, i make arrngments with my parents to pick up dd1+2 from school and nursery (right next door to each other) as dd3 has eye clinic which will run into school run time. last night my mum called and said they were going away overnight but would be back in the morning so pick up not a problem.

but this morning, they called and asked if anyone else can do it as they want to stay on longer. so i end up calling people and no-one can do it. so my parents are having to come back.

this isnt the first time this has happened. dd2 had hearing tests done a couple of months ago, i asked if they would have dd3 for a few hours. they called the night before and said they wree going away, and could sparkly do it.

it keeps happening. i am getting very fed up with it. and i know they are going to moaning about having to come back today.

Thats a bit off.

Dont ask them in future - no opportunity for being let down then.

Could sparkly not do it in future (I know she has lots on her plate...?)

i called sparkly today,. but they cant do it as too late notice, plus she has moved to the next time, its just npt possible for them to do school runs.

i do rely on sparkly an awful lot and dont want to put mroe on them all the time.

next town

Oh arse. Can you not get help from surestart/homestart or something on a temporary/ad hoc basis for these things? Or, have an arrangement with the school that they can take yours earlier/keep later (extenuating circs and all that??)

Its definitely not worth "relying" on your parents is it...?

one of the girls over the road is a childminder, i think i will see if she has spaces for emergencies like this. but for today my parents are going to have to stick with the arrnagments made weeks ago.

Do you think they do it on purpose, or not realise how difficult it is for you, so don't take arrangements so seriously?

do peter's parents help out at all misdee? maybe time to have a chat with your mum about you need to be able to rely on her?

Peters parents both work, and his mum is in daily to do dressings and she also does little things like going to the shops if we've run out of milk, and picks up perscriptions etc.

i thionk they just dont take it seriously, they get so wrapped up in their little holidays that they ust dont realise i am relying on them when these appointments come up.

dd1 has allergy clinic in a weeks time, so i need someone here at 8.30am so i can take dd1 to the hospital for 9.30am. i am unsure on who to ask now.

If you know the childminder across the road why not go over and have a wee chat with her? Just exaplain what you need and ask if there is any way she has spaces availabe that morning for dd2 and dd3. I would try not to ask your parents in future.

i think you need to keep asking them so that they are aware that the need is there.if you stop asking them, they may think you are coping great without their help . do you think you CAN talk to your mum about it? Maybe today say to them, " i do appreciate you coming back-i really need this help, i wouldn't ask if i could make other arrangemnets.It's good that i can rely on you to be there". so you are getting the message across but in a positive way.dyswim?

It sounds like your parents need to understand just how vital their support is.

it will turn into a rant alexsmum, by them, not by me. it will be about how they always cut short holidays etc to help one of us out.

badkarma, i will see what i can do with regards to the childminder, hopefully dd2 (some SN) wont mind being left with her.

i cant leave peter and his carer with the kids as legally i am not allowed to.

oh bless, their poor holidays. It's not like you and peter wished for all this, is it?

exactly HD, we are a two parent family, if one of the kids have appoitnments, then in a 'normal' family then other parent would do the school runs etc? am i right?

They are parents, I think they have a clue how important their support could be.

I honestly think misdee you would feel better if had help where you didnt also feel laden with guilt/felt like an inconvenience about it.

I dont think you need all this hassle, or having to point out your needs to people so close at hand - you have enough stress. Do yourself a favour and get "outside" help.

dont ask them in future

get professional help, that way, you are paying them, therefore they can be relied upon

i dont have anyone i can ask for these things, help with school runs etc. my dh has a job where he is told when he can have days off, he cant take days off to help out with appts

i have to get appt that fit in with me/the girls, sometimes they have to be arranged far into the future

for you, i have read your other threads and just couldn't imagine how your parents cannot see how much you and your little daughters need them, i know my parents would be camping on hte doorstep to help and reading htis makes me realise how great they are

i am going to have two VVQ.

actually going to call eye cli9nic and se eif they can squeeze us in earlier.

If at all possible, misdee, professional help is the best option (and i don't mean for you! ).

Families often bring guilt and other bullshit with them, when they "help".

Misdee, even if you had a neighbour who the girls could stay with until you got back... I know it's not always easy.. but I have a neighbour who works shifts, and if she is at home and I need her (I only have 2 kids) she tells me to knock and she will gladly have them for whatever length of time I need her for..she doesn't drive, so as my thanks for her I drive her into town when she needs to go and I take her places she wants to go, its payment in kind and not cash.

Would Peter be at the eye clinic with you or at home with his carer?

I was going to suggest the girls sat in the car with peter but I think I recall that someone VAD trained had to be with him at all times..

peter will be at home with his carer, my neighbours are all registered disabled as we live in a sheltered scheme area. he needs a VAD trained perosn with him at all times. i cant be at the hospital and at the school/nursery at the same time.

eye clinic can change the optamologist appointment, but not the optician appointment.

I think thats a good idea misdee...if you explain your personal circumstances (especially if you speak to the consultant...) they will do their utmost to accommodate you.

Misdee - ring back and insist on speaking to the opthalmologist and explain. (YOu might have to leave a message and him/her get back to you...)

IME if you plead your case to a doctor/consultant and explain all about peter and the vad training thing etc etc then they will try and work around you.

if they moan you just need to keep saying, this was arranged weeks ago. This was a prior arrangement.

It's not like you rang them and asked them to come back early - they decided to go, knowing that they had made a commitment to you

don't take on any of these moans. Don't even listen to it. They are your parents and you should be able to rely on them if you have arranged it beforehand.

Just keep saying it over and over again - you promised, I asked you in advance and you promised.

And ask them, are they saying that they do not want to support you in the future with things like this? Are they putting you in a position where you cannot ask your family for help and be confident to rely on it?

VVQ, they cant change it. have tried. the clinic is very busy anyway, and is often runnuing 30-40lates.

parents are on their way back. well i hope they are anyway.