DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Everyone that knows me is just so relieved I'm not the rambling vile mess i was drinking they don't even bother trying to persuade me

I am feeling a bit shaky today though. Dh and Ds have gone away together for the weekend, leaving me and dd8 on our own. I am so tempted to buy a nice bottle of something and 10 fags and just sit outside like I used to when she's in bed. I won't but the memory is playing tricks again and making me really feel bitter and fed up. snot fair :(

Just down generally. Three day break wasn't enough and no chance of another, back to work on Monday and just pissed off with this dull life. Not unusual I know but....meh.

I get so fed up with my dh's drinking. he isn't dreadful but after a few pints he winds me up so much. Is boring, stupid and generally a pain! It's beginning to get to me a lot, but if i mention it, he (quite fairly) says 'I only have a few', which he does. He's not vioent or nasty or anything awful just....BORING!! I know I'm being selfish and he's perfectly fine, but I hate it :( sorry having a big moanfest today.

Hi Biggles, sorry you are feeling down, I completely understand how you feel re DH, I can't bear it when he's drunk and I'm sober, talks complete rubbish, tries to have sex and then has a go at me when I turn him down, makes me feel but he has never tried to cut back on drinking and rarely says sorry.

Tbh it isn't a dream marriage and I'm not convinced it will last forever. BUT I know if I can stay sober and in control maybe things will get better.

Biggles do you have any plans for weekend? Something to look forward to?

Thank you . My dh is pretty brilliant on the whole - he's stuck by me through some hideous things so his drinking shouldn't really annoy me as much as it does. I just feel like we don't think or act the same together when he's had a few now that I don't drink with him, if that makes sense. I hope you can work through things - becoming sober really does change your perceptions of things - you see much more clearly. I'm almost at ten months now and still feel like I'm learning more every day. Wierd.

I have just moved the furniture around in dd bedroom - as per her instructions whilst she is lazing in my bed . Have had a look to see what's on at the cinema but nothing either of us want to see, and dh has the car so we are limited to walking and cycling, which is fine, just being lazy!

We'll go to the library a bit later and then probably just have dinner and watch tv tonight. Not too sure about tomorrow yet.

I hope everyone else is fine. I MUST catch up

Biggles I feel like that about my DH when he is drinking. It's sad. I feel I can't really pass comment. Pot, kettle, black etc etc.

Regarding people insisting you have a drink - that hasn't happened at all from people I know, family etc. only people at hotels, restaurants etc. re friends and family I present the non-drinking as SUCH a positive thing and how MUCH better I feel ( obviously slightly embellishing etc ) that maybe they don't think I'm being deprived ... I don't know.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

SOS!!!! there are three stubby bottles of lager in the fridge. I am alone. Stop me...

Biggles STOP!!!

Talk to me! Can you get rid of the beer? Pour away or give away? Get yourself a tea or something to eat. Do some activity and think about how much you have achieved and how much happier you are.

Why the temptation tonight?

No! Stop! Play the tape, what will happen after you've finished them? Will you think "I'm so glad I did that?" No, you won't. If you're like me you'll try to seek out more booze and it won't end there.

You came on here because you KNOW you don't want to drink it. Pour them away if necessary.

(Big ups to you for coming on here first)

thank you!!! just feel a bit...because I'm on my own. Have had some fizzy schloer-y stuff and put the lager in the shed! I know dh is drinking with his brothers oop north and just feel grrr. Stupid. Not going to do it.

Sorry

Must play the tape and remember I have almost a year under my belt.

Phew. Well done Biggles. I think I will be having an early night to avoid temptation! Will be taking phone so ask if need support.

thanks. Haven't felt like that for ages

Yes Biggies you must! Well done getting the stuff out of the house.

I had a few weird days as DH and DS were away - leaving me with DD7. Plenty of booze around. Knew I wouldn't touch it, but started feeling chippy and resentful about it (always a sign that I'm not that 'well' in my sobriety). So instead, shoved my face full of crap once DD was in bed. So obviously replacing secretive solo drinking with something else. Need to reflect calmly about why I feel the need to behave like that.

Funnily enough let my mind wander while watching DD at a local playground and various things fell into place. Am worried that I have lost touch with my AA sponsor (and have convinced myself she hates/despises me, obv). Am worried about my dissertation (haven't even decided on a topic). Am feeling sad about coming to the end of my fertile years (not menopausal yet, but many friends are and I keep having dreams about being pregnant again and being really sad when I wake up).

SO - answer is to face these things head on and acknowledge them rather than to try to stuff the feelings down (be it with booze, food or whatever).

Now let's see if I can actually do it….. Hmmm.

Hope everyone is having a good evening. Won't rant on anymore, but suffice it to say I totally identify with everything said upthread about other halves being tedious when drinking, but feeling unable to criticise. at all.

Haha! I am currently shoving a galaxy in my mouth and drinking full fat milk hot chocolate! have eaten rubbish all day

Hi Merce, seems you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment and I understand that booze blocks it out , but it would of course be temporary, must admit that is one if the reasons I drunk but somehow I always made everything so much worse.

Can you plan your tasks? I always feel relieved when I can see on paper when I am going to start working on my goals. What are you studying? Any ideas about dissertation? I am a secondary/college teacher of Economics/Business and recall the stress of writing essays. Happy to offer any support I can.

I'm a bit annoyed for the people who have to cope with alcohol in the fridge and drunken partners! You are doing so well to resist! I have nothing apart from a bottle of Grand Marnier (for cooking) in the utility room - not tempting at all as its awful stuff.

My DH stopped drinking with me, which was nice, but he's so Victor Meldrewish now. Fussy, self obsessed, going on about aches and pains whilst refusing to get himself down to the doctors etc. I have absolutely no resources to deal with this, I have to organise everything for our move in 3 weeks, take care of all social obligations and shepherd DS through the process, oh, and remain sober.

Thats my little moan. Anyway, sobriety rocks and - it occurred to me last night (whilst watching a horror film and eating chocolate) that although wine is very more-ish there are a lot of things that would actually hurt more to give up.

Have a good Saturday everyone x x

I was a bit hacked off with the three lager bottles I must admit. I think my dh just assumes I'm ok with it all and I'm doing really well so won't be bothered. To be honest, I'm getting less and less bothered but it still twinges at times, and last night, on my own, I just fancied 'a' drink. I know it wouldn't be 'a' drink though, and am so happy this morning that i resisted! I stayed awake till gone midnight reading a book I couldn't put down!

Dh called me from his brothers and I told him i had been tempted to which he responded 'well, we didn't have many'. Er, point, getting, the?? . Anyway, dd and I are cycling off to the shops soon to get a cheesecake mix (!) and will make that, play a few games and hope it doesn't rain as I think we should really get to the park at some point...

Have a happy day everyone

I do sometimes feel as though I'm fighting against the tide. There is alcohol in our house, we still socialise with alcohol, I try so hard to be breezy but at times I do think "what's the point; you're going to drink again sooner or later, just get on with it and join in". I nearly wish I was/had been more destructively alcoholic, just so that people were whole-heatedly supportive of my decision not to drink. Hiding alcohol away from me etc. So silly. Feeling a bit tired of it all, as though the battle to be strong is so much harder than just to go under as it were. I really miss drinking today.

I understand that totally. When your adult social life has been focussed around drink, it is really hard to step aside from it. I still wonder what shall I do? Running is food, but not very sociable! Dh away for another night so also struggling a bit again.

We can do this through! Many people with years of sobriety still have their moments, and we are all new!

Running is not food, it is good!

just a quickie, at butlins, loads of pissed up parents with ratty tired kids and I'm not one of them

Biggles - hope you are doing ok. I must confess - your post had me kind of shaken. It just shows that even after 11+ months the desire to drink can kind of whip up and catch us unawares. I know that can happen at ANY time. I'm so impressed that instead of reaching for bottle opener you reached for the internet.

Mistress - I get what you mean about a life surrounded by alcohol. I feel the same. It's still in my house, in my social life, my husband still drinks quite a lot. My longer term plan ( not that I have done much about this yet) is to create more elements of life that aren't alcohol focused. So, I want to make some RL friends who don't drink, do more stuff like theatre etc with my existing friends so that even if they are having a drink, it's not the focus of the evening.

StayingDry - hope you are surviving Butlins. Bet there are lots of sore heads today, but yours is not among em.

I am home after 12 days away - and I must say I feel proud of myself that I didn't drink and overall enjoyed myself more (if I'm honest) than I would have done had I been drinking. All sorts of stuff - like when I was being affectionate to my kids I knew it was real and not that sort of tipsy stuff that made me feel guilty. To be honest I wasn't much more active than usual, I had great visions of bring up hangover free out on my bike at 7am - but I felt ok about lying in bed for the morning watching Friday Night Lights back to back with my 10 year old when it wasn't necessitated by a thumping headache.

Morning all. Went to a wedding yesterday. I think they are the worst occasions when you are struggling with sobriety. I was fine - and didn't particularly feel the urge to drink - but I do find it impossible to get into the right 'mood'. So, for instance, when the cheesy music starts and everyone piles onto the dance floor - I LOVE dancing and usually that would be me up and off for hours, but I can't find my dancing feet sober somehow. Which makes me slightly sad, but obviously more than offset by the positives of sobriety. The other thing that struck me was how LITTLE all the 'civilians' drank. Reminded me how different my drinking would have been with everyone else's had I still been partaking. Fed up and ready to go home by 10 so not exactly the wildest date, but hey. Still sober.

Well done Haggis on your sober 12 days away. I think we all harboured fantasies about turning into Elle McPherson characters, sober, honey-limbed, eating tofu and working out (ha ha - maybe just me), but anyway, it hasn't happened to me. BUT, life without hangovers is still a million miles away - and progress - from the old life so worth celebrating.

I think I only wobbled a bit as it was the first time I've been alone at home - apart from small child - since stopping. Another first!

Dh and D's arrived back at 8.30 this morning they left at about 7am! good to see them, even better to be able to get out and run. I've just done TEN k!!!!!!! very proud indeed.

Well done getting through butlins sober stayingdry! holidays are really hard. Well, everything is bloody hard in this 'drink is good' society. Interesting thing on the news toady about the NHS and addiction. Usual comments from smug gitmcgit on the lines of 'why should people who can't control their drinking get help. I have a glass of wine with dinner so should they' etc. Luckily a very assertive addictions specialist had a word or two to say about that

back to work tomorrow bah although, I just worked out that I booked the following week off too! woo hoo.

I hope everyone is well xx