DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Hi Haggis, sorry to sound dim, do you mean 80% of recovering alcoholics are on ADs? But after first year down to 15%?

RIP Robin Williams, recorded 'night at the museum' last night to watch today with DS. Seemed genuinely lovely person.

Tortoise your blog really is wonderful. I hadn't heard about Robin Williams; how tragic.
Your guest blog too is fantastic. One part made me teary for some reason:
She doesn't need a glass of wine. She needs somebody to take the children so she can nap. She needs her body to herself for a while, a clean house, a dinner that she didn't cook.
I'm acutely aware of how little we mothers nurture ourselves. I took DD to the doctors for a suspected ear infection the other day. I was hot, achy, exhausted and coming down with a hacking cough. It would never have crossed my mind to see a doctor myself! How sad it is that we see half a bottle of toxic crap as a treat. Drinking alcohol is an awful way to 'nurture' ourselves.

Must dash.

Morning all
Feeling very shaken by Robbie Williams news too. The bloody problem is alcohol is a depressant! So it is one of those chicken and egg situations - do you drink because you are depressed or does drinking make you depressed? Can only speak for myself but am prone to depression and have taken AD's in the past. Giving up the booze has seen mine disappear up until now - and MrHOF's too. This makes me so cross in that alcohol screening doesn't seem to be part of the depression conversation when you go to see a GP - which seems a no brainer to me :(

It's crazy, isn't it? Since alcohol is, obviously, a depressant. Sarah
Turners figures are startling, I'd forgotten that bit.

Jemimarose - the figures I quoted are one therapist's figures (ie relating to her client base - all women), but yes, many women manage to give up ADs when they achieve long-term sobriety.

Sarah's figures don't relate to all alcoholics. It would be interesting to know the figures more generally.

Of course, there are plenty of people with crippling depression who do not abuse alcohol. And ADs do a whole lot of good. No one should feel that they shouldn't use them once they are sober etc - it's all to do with medical advice and what people need themselves.

I have never taken ADs but I have had post-natal depression - and suffered with low-mood, bad mood swings etc. that has lessened considerably since I stopped drinking.

I was hoping I'd be one of the women able to ditch the ADs having got sober, but doesn't seem to be working for me. Silly that I am feeling so disappointed with myself about it. Also had PND after my second child. Trying to look on the bright side, I think many of the most interesting, complex and thoughtful people have a depressive side (not trying to big myself up or include myself in that group!). Suspect it's often a side effect of seeing too much if that makes any sense.

Well done, JemimaRose. We will hold your hand here - and try not to let your other half put you off. You can't make his decisions for him, but must be allowed to do what you think is right for you. I think getting sober can be hugely scary as life is less blurred and the (often not very pretty) reality of family life/relationships reveals itself - presenting all sorts of choices that we'd rather shove well under the carpet. You are being brave and I promise it's worth it!

You and Yours all about alcohol dependency today. Listened until half-way through, but then had invasion of children so had to switch off. Will listen to rest on iplayer.

Merce - that may happen in the future. In the meantime you have a really long period of sobriety to feel very very proud of.

Thanks for the heads up on Y&Y. I will listen in on the iplayer.

Jemimarose - just read your thread on relationships that you directed us too. I for one have done much much worse things whilst drunk. And that combination of shots and an empty stomach is a killer. Please be kind to yourself .

Big wave to Teapot, Art and Snowie!!!

Jemimarose - what is the title of the thread you posted in relationships? Probably being hugely dense, but couldn't spot it .

It's called Nightmare on Saturday Night I think - quite far down.

Thanks, Haggis.

Yes, Jemimarose, I have done far worse….. In fact I really embarrassed myself at a school reunion not so long ago. Was utterly trollied and apparently made some quite serious moves on some bloke I never even fancied. Dirty dancing like some pathetic lush. Can't bear to even think about it. Thank God I think nothing came of it. Had to style out the next day pretending I wasn't hungover to high heaven. Intense. Shame. We have ALL been there…..

Hi I had a bold cocktail last night it was an impromptu night out with DH and I got over excited. Had 3 drinks in total. So not hungover but just regretting wasting money on it ! Oh well day zero :) tbh I'll prob bow out now of this thread so best of luck to everyone ! (I'm not going on a bender just not thinking about it everyday !) thanks for all your kind words

Snowie - if you do go, do come back at any time

Hey thank you for taking the time to read my other post and not slating me, I need to stop over thinking and get on with my life! Just saw a friend in RL who drinks at least a bottle of wine every day, her reason is boredom....have convinced her we should go running in the evenings. She also said when she tried to stop drinking in the past her DH didn't support her either! Why don't DH want their DW to stop? Will think about this! Must admit drunk I'm probably more frisky .. shame it was to the wrong person on Saturday. Can't believe I am making a joke about it! Better than crying. Have checked out local AA meetings, there are plenty of them nearby so may go and check one out, some are child friendly! How does that work? Thank you again for support.

Also thank you Merce for sharing, think I just had flashback about trying to get everyone to dance!

No slating from me, I can assure you!!

Child friendly only works if your DC is v. young, in my view. Otherwise some of the chat is pretty inappropriate…. But if it helps some women get to meetings that they wouldn't be able to otherwise then most be a good thing. I'd say give it a go - if you have quite a few then you will probably find one that suits you (the crowd can vary quite a bit depending where you go). I got put off by one that was very God-y and finally found a wonderfully anarchic one, but is horses for courses.

Thanks Merce. Will try an evening one, not sure what DH will say! He should support me as booze has been the cause of every disaster in my life. Also, he was, supposedly, v drunk when he had the sexual encounter with my friend, on our sofa, while I was drunk asleep upstairs.

Hello everyone :) I am reading through the posts and respnding as I go along, so this might be a bit disjointed.

I am also really floored by the news about Robin Williams.

Jemima, welcome. I have not read your thread yet, but I am sorry you feel so bad. Post post post whenever you need to. I have done and said things when drunk that I can barely face myself in the mirror about. God, some of the things i have SAID to DH when drunk-I hate myself. I can honestly say at the beginning of this year I did not think we would see the end of the year together. We are currently mending, and I feel bonded again.

Mistress- that sentence of Tortoises also really resonated with me. I feel like I put myself last, that I am holding everyone else together and so I fall apart quietly and secretly. Of course by drinking it is not falling apart quietly or secretly. But it felt like the only thing i had for me was wine. Mummy time with wine.

Dh just asked me too if I planned to have some wine when we are away next week on holiday.I said to him, that really I did not think so, because it just really badly affects my depression- my slip the other day, it threw me off. I said 'It just makes me feel awful'. He said 'well, we can't have that' and then just accepted it. I think he probably will grieve the idea of us sharing a bottle or whatever - we used to spend entire weekends in bed with dvds, champagne pre-DC. But, he is the one also who is living with my utter misery, walking on eggshells around my mood. Not drinking is better for all of us. He's a normie, and he cant understand why i can't stop at the occasional one. I am sure he is feeling a sense of loss at the idea of us having a nice relaxing drink together. I grieve that too. But the good parts of booze for me -it is just an illusion.

Caught the tail end of the You and Yours segment. I will listen also to i-player. A few months ago if anything like that came up on the radio or tv I would get shitty and turn over. I am actually really welcoming the apparent start of a conversation about alcohol. Lucy's blog posts recently have really gone into that. is there a seachange going on, or is it just that I notice the alcohol-dissenting voices more now?

Snowie - you are welcome any time. :) Don't feel you have to go.

Oh Corn, that is so so true isn't it about no longer turning off programmes/turning over pages in the paper or whatever if they were dealing with alcohol issues. I remember a poster of a woman which showed what was happening to her insides (heart etc) as a result of her drinking. It was up by a big roundabout near us and I had to pass it every day on the way to DCs' school and I just hated seeing it . I would pounce on any article/joke that poo-pooed the nanny state attitude towards alcohol - or suggested that a modest amount of red wine was positively beneficial to health never mind the fact that my poison was white wine and buckets of the stuff

Evening all. Having to sit here going through some divorce paperwork and by god is it making me want wine. I Will Not Budge though.

Listened to a Tara Brach (sp?) podcast last night for the first time - WOW. She has the most incredible voice, and I found it incredibly relaxing.

Hi teapot, well done on not budging especially when faced with such a task . I'm drinking red tea and reading wonder by r j palacio. Given to me today by fellow teacher:friend and would recommend . Spoke to two RL friends today about being sober, both v supportive. DH still in denial about me doing this.

Reading Wolf Hall in bed. Sober. Bliss. Weird how one can feel grateful about such little things.

There no WAY you could manage Wolf Hall pissed, Merce .

Loved Wonder too Jemima. Good call.