DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

That's a good plan Staying Dry! If I remember correctly Belle goes even further. She suggests sober treats every two days right at the start. Little things like buying a small scented candle, a juicy mango, a copy of Grazia etc.

As a (big) treat I have upped my PT sessions to twice a week from once between now and Xmas. I am still recovering from a large operation last year so it's partly rehab - but I feel, damn it I definitely spent at least £50 a week on booze before I stopped so I'm going to do it.

Day 27 for me :) - treated myself to a book I wanted - just about to start reading it - hope its good x

Having a shit morning. Just lost the plot spectacularly this morning with DS (9) His ASD makes him relentlessly negative and whiny. Drives me crazy. I know it's not his fault but sometimes I feel like I can't bare to be in his company for a moment longer. Really lost it and then at my youngest DD who was doing nothing really. DH thinks really badly of me.

Oh Haggis. We all have those days. Don't beat yourself up, please. It's not made any easier by having a disapproving OH to make you feel worse - my exH is very adept at adopting this pose of "hmm, I never lose it like you do" with the children. But then he doesn't have to deal with most of it, like I do.

If I've behaved in a way that I regret with my DTs, then I apologise to them afterwards and explain why I think I did (eg. "I'm tired because you woke me at the crack of dawn. Again" or "because you were being really moany and sometimes I just can't deal with it in the way I should"). It's the one thing my parents never did - to apologise even when they were in the wrong. We all get it wrong sometimes, it's normal. It's how we handle it afterwards that makes the difference.

Big hug to you. X

Thanks Teapot. That really helps. Yes - I did apologise and it's not something my parents ever did either. But then my mother had more patience than me .

It must be massively tough looking after twins on your own. And then having a condescending exH ....
Yup I am super patient when I have had down time from parenting. Sadly that doesn't happen very much at all. Hey ho.

It's human nature to lose the plot at children I think - co mpulsory sometimes! On a serious note, it does make you feel awful
but it happens. I still get impatient with my lot - the difference is being sober and able to think about why I did it, not just doing tat drunken screeching. Don't dwell on it

27 days is great! that's nearly a month. Great guns

Had a lovely morning today - met up with a an old friend from way back - she is an alcohol nurse practitioner and was really interested to hear about how I was doing, as well as seeing me as she never had before really good to catch up. We met in a garden centre and felt like old dears out for a cuppa

DS had a bit of a meltdown on Friday after school as the screen cover we got for his phone wasn't on to his exacting standards . he cried and cried and I was about to lose it when dh took him away for a chat. I didn't ask what was said but they both seem pretty OK for now. The revision seems to be a bit more manageable too so hopefully all is improving. All still a bit of a[worry though. Will continue to monitor him.

So, quiet night with x factor tonight. Living the dream eh?

have a great evening all.

shit day today.A really good friend died early this morning to cancer.Knew it was coming but still hit hard.I met her through AA and she was an enormous help in my early recovery. Such a warm beautiful person . She has been in alot of pajn for a long while, but never picked up, strength eh.
Stopped and gave my boys a hug, because l know that without the help and support of people like her l wouldn't be able to, I'd of lost that right to alcohol. feeling sad tonight but so incredibly grateful for my life today.l am truly blessed to have had her as part of my recovery journey x

I'm so sorry :(. - Hugs to you x

I'm so sorry. it is so awful when people die before they should x

So sorry to hear that stayingdry

So sorry stayingdry

So sorry for your loss staying.

Today I am grateful to have woken up tired (my own fault, stayed up till 1am) but hangover and guilt-free.

That's awful Staying. Puts our minor woes into perspective.

Hi, I have just started a thread and was told to come here. Is that ok?

Thread is here - this is the story:

I want to stop drinking, starting today. How hard is it going to be?

I just want to write it all down, so I can read it again when I need. Today is my birthday, drank too much yesterday, in front of the DC, feel like shit today, etc etc.

I've been thinking about stopping completely for a while, since I can't seem to have a sensible relationship with alcohol. And now may be the right time.

I don't want to forget how crap I'm feeling now. I know I'll forget eventually, but I really don't want to feel like that again,. I'm feeling out of control, I'm ashamed, I'm giving a horrible example to DC (I'm ashamed that DS1 saw me drunk). DH is angry. Parts of last night were a blur, and I was responsible for 2 children! (DH was with me, otherwise I wouldn't be that drunk but that doesn't make it less serious)

I'm not ashamed to say that I have a drinking problem. I don't hide it, and I don't make excuses. More friends than I would like have seen me drunk. It's pathetic but that's what happens when you have a problem. But DS1 seeing it was crossing the line.

Stop drinking will get me closer to be the person I want to be (sorry for the self obsessed huge post, but I'm trying to organise my thoughts here). I'm 36 today, I would like to start my late 30s with:

• more control of my life
• more energy
• feeling that, when I do something wrong or I feel overwhelmed or I forget things, that's because I'm tired, not because I drank more than I should.
• more money (have been spending too much on wine)
• being a better example to DC
• feeling better about myself

I've done difficult things before, I can do that, right?

People who have been through that, can you tell me what I should prepare for? Being practical:

• I don't like sweet drinks or juice with food, so the only thing I can drink with my meals is sparkling water. Or tea, which I couldn't get used to. So, I need to find interesting drinks that I not sweet (and are not beer or wine)

• What do I do when I go to a party or an event and I'm feeling stressed, tense, tired, shy or whatever and I feel I need a drink to relax? How people deal with that?

• The same at the end of the day (every day). I drink a glass (or more) of wine to relax and as a "well done" to myself. Should I watch a film instead? Eat chocolate? Have a bath?

Is there are other triggers I should be aware of?

Should I reward myself for any milestone?

I so want to do it. But that's now. I know I will much less sure when I'm not hung over anymore, or when I'm tired and the wine calls me. I wish I could press a button and feel hungover and ashamed again for a couple of minutes, just to remind me!

PS: I'm considering going to AA. Not sure I'm ready for that, but I'll find out where are the meetings near me.

If anyone could read this far, thank you very much! I appreciate any help.

So I am on day 314. Drinking is no longer an issue for me. I never think about it really. Even when I go out and everyone else is drinking I don't care and enjoy myself just as much.

This is where I wanted to be when I started this on 1st Jan :)

I was looking forward to having a glass of champers on NYE but some health issues have come up and I need to have an op so chances are I won't be able to. Still not really bothered though :) This year has been pretty crap tbh so I am feeling proud that I have managed to go through all the stress and anxiety without any 'help'. I have also had to give up smoking due to the op which is an extra bonus!

Hope you are all still doing well :)

Welcome oneofthem and well done for taking the first step. I'm not a huge sweetie person either although you might find your body starts craving it (mine did) to replace the sugars it's used to in wine so I drink a lot of fizzy water too. The Belvoir lemon and ginger cordial isn't sweet I find.

Don't know about the parties or events as being a lp I'm a bit of a saddo who rarely gets out Reading here I know a lot of posters say to plan ahead what you're going to drink and make an escape plan before hand in case it gets too much. To relax I get into my PJs early and settle down with Netflix on the tablet, do logic problems, read a book, a bit of beading or go for a run but depends on what interests you.

Triggers are personal for me it would be stressful day with the kids or things like cleaning the house from top to bottom (it was my 'reward' to myself). Good luck and keep posting

Thank is bloody marvellous Nikki well done and good luck for your op.

Hope you are ok stayingdry thinking of you

nikki it's great to know that after nearly a whole year, you don't even think about drinking. I really hope to get to the same place as you. Good luck on the op! (and congratulations on the 314 days!) :)

brokeneggshells thanks for the encouragement, and for the info re triggers, cravings, etc. I want to be as prepared as possible!

I'm feeling so rubbish about yesterday that I think stopping drinking (for real) is the only way to fix it...

Thank you all for the kind messages It means alot
l am not a sweet eater but craved it tremendously when I stopped drinking.Now my favourite drink is lime cordial and soda water.
theres been some great posts lately, and the similarities are jumping out.We can't control ourselves over alcohol , we all want safe, happy steady lives which isn't possible with alcohol in it.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness, it doesn't matter how long since your last drink, pick up and it will be 10 times as bad as the last time. It took me a while to believe that, but I have sat through so many shares at AA from people that have done exactly this that it must be true. I know that if I pick up again l will go back beyond how bad I was on my last drink,3 day binge, l will sober up to no family, no self respect, no home, no job and that scares the living daylights out of me.
Christmas looming, a time that its socially acceptable to be pissed, not for us though.I know that for the 2nd year in a row, l will wake up Christmas morning, not being sick, or feeling sick.My kids will have their mum, not a bad tempered shell.

Hi one of them I am 29 days sober. My advice - one day at a time. There will be times when it's hard but you will get through it.
There are so many positives to be had - I look better than ever :)
I am better at my job as well -
Well done for taking first step - it's all up hill from now :).

I think it does take a particular experience to finally say that's it, especially if you've known for a while that you are drinking too much oneofus How is your dh now, have you spoken to him about it?

I've had a good day. Have been in a terrible mood for the past few days previous and an awful nagging headache to go with it but woke up full of the joys and feeling motivated today. Had some really good news in that (tmi but I have to share with someone) I've had the all clear from my recent smear after being up and down to the hospital for the last two years, getting bits lasered off. I had one of the dangerous strains of HPV and my body has now eventually cleared it so discharged from the hospital and back to 3yearly repeats at the gp rather than 6monthly. I think the 6months booze and cigarette free has given my immune system the boost it needed and really reinforced to me today the actual positives of having a healthier lifestyle. Such a relief.

Went for a quick 5k run tonight and it was brilliant. Forgot how much I love running in the winter with the rain, cold and the dark nights.

Totally agree with you staying dry. After my recent slip I know it doesn't take long to fall back to guzzling bottles of wine a night. I'm thinking about going to an AA meeting on Saturday. Feel like I need to do something different this time to keep me on track.

Hello all and big welcome to Oneofus. Have been away from the thread for a few days so just catching up now. So sorry Staying - that is just horrendous and my heart goes out to you. As others have said, puts things in perspective…..

Oneofus - I will read your link now, but if you have gone back to earlier threads of ours you will have read our stories and seen how very very similar they are. Details may differ, but the feelings of shame and lack of control, regret etc are common to us all. I am 2 years and 9 months sober and can honestly say the relief I feel at no longer having to battle with myself (invariably losing) is immense. Like you, I am not a fan of sweet drinks. Nothing wrong with fizzy water, but I also have fridge stocked full of slimline tonic water which has a good 'adult' flavour and is great with a squeeze of lime juice. I also like cans of Japanese & Chinese tea which you can get from Amazon or in some branches of Waitrose, but accept I may be weird….. I go to AA and find it hugely helpful. If you are athiest/agnostic some of the the 'God' speak can be quite off-putting at the beginning (certainly was to me), but in time I've realised that there is space for everyone and faith is by no means essential. I really respect you for taking the time to put how you feel down in writing so you can go back to it when you feel weak and 'what the hell - why not?'ish. Good luck and great to have you on board - this is a cracking bunch of women!!

Thanks everyone for your support!

One day alcohol free :)

So far I'm excited with the idea of :

• Living my life without planning things around alcohol.
• Having time in the evening to do things.
• Feeling clear headed all the time (I felt clear headed last night and it was good).
• Never feeling as bad as I felt yesterday morning (not only physically but emotionally as well).
• Looking better.
• Saving money.

I know it won't be easy all the time, but at the moment it just seems that life will be so much simpler without drinking! I used to spend a lot of energy trying not to overdrink - I can use all this energy for so many other things! (as you can see, I'm a bit euphoric right now )

Last night I had a nice birthday dinner with DH (at home, we just had some sushi delivered after DC were asleep). He had a couple of beers and I had sparkling water. And it was very easy. I appreciate it won't be always so easy, but I'm happy for yesterday.

stayingdry hope you're feeling better now. And thanks for the suggestion of drink. Think I'll buy some cordial and soda water. I'm not sure if I ever had cordial, but brokeneggshells also suggested it, so it seems to be a favourite :)

70hours thanks! And congratulations on the 29 days! Good to know I can look better in less than a month ;)

brokeneggshells A few weeks (or months ago) I had decided I was going stop drinking altogether, "some day" - I had already accepted that drinking sensibly doesn't work for me, just didn't have the courage to put the plan into practice - until now.

DH got angry with me because of Sunday, like he always does when I screw up. When he got home from work I got him flowers and said I was going to stop drinking completely and if he wanted I would go to AA meetings.

He said I was over reacting, that there is no need to stop, all I need is to drink sensibly. He is one of those people with an "off" button. He always knows when he's had to much to drink and then he simply stops - so, he doesn't really understand not every one has this "off" button.

I explained that I've been trying to drink sensibly for years. I asked: "How many times have you seen me drink too much?" (in 11 years).
"Hmmm... A lot of times." "You see? I can't drink sensibly!" "Well, you got a point."

BTW, brokeneggs, great that your smear came clear! I had to have laser surgery a couple of years ago because of HPV as well. And now that you mentioned it, I'm not sure when I'm due the next smear - better check it!

Alsoflamingo thanks a lot for the support and for the suggestions of drinks. Off to Waitrose to try! And well done on the nearly 3 years! I'm amazed that people can really do it (live without alcohol) - hope I'll be one of them. I feel exactly like you describe: battling with myself all the time, and losing quite a lot... Life will be much simpler without this battle.

I found quite a few AA meeting around here. Gathering courage to go - I have to be prepared to find another mum from the school run or something like that :)

Thanks again, everyone. You are all making me feel really optimistic

Welcome oneofthem and congrats on having made the decision. In many ways I think that is the hardest bit.

I've found it helpful to write a blog (I write one over on Soberistas) - it has been good at times to be able to read back not only how I was feeling at certain points, but to be able to cross-refer to other people's blogs too.

I also don't like sweet drinks although for the first few weeks I got quite into the prospect of a 'special' drink for me in the evenings. I tended to have ginger beer or tonic water (you can get a nice Fevertree tonic water which is only 3g sugar per 100g) but after a couple of months I slowly stopped needing that so much. I stick just to water now, and don't really fancy other things unless I am out and others are drinking alcohol.

My tips for getting through different situations alcohol free are...

• if you're out and others are drinking, plan it in advance as much as possible. Drive if you can. I personally choose to talk about the fact I've stopped drinking which makes it harder for me to cave in, should I be tempted. I also use the 'play the tape to the end' technique A LOT and it really works for me. If I think about having one drink, I know that all it'll make me do is want to have another one, fast forward and.... there I am, waking up at 3am feeling like shit and unable to sleep. It's never worth it.
• if you're at home, immerse yourself in other stuff. Treat yourself to nice snacks instead (again I felt the need to do this waned after a couple of months). Download loads of books about being AF and spend your evenings reading up and affirming your decision to have stopped. I really don't feel as though I am missing out now, missing out on what? Pouring alcohol down my throat and feeling like shit the next day?

Good luck! :)

Oneofus - it sounds like you've already made massive progress in terms of your thinking and are v. self-aware. Brilliantly explained to your DH. I think it's hard for 'civilians' to understand why we can't just exercise some self-control. Would that it were that simple! I am a very controlling person and am extremely efficient and 'on it' in most aspects of my life and I just couldn't get my head around why I couldn't bloody well control my alcohol consumption!!! Drove me mad. Agree about planning evenings out in advance (and driving where possible so you can just say that if asked). The thing about getting your evenings back is huge for me too. I now READ BOOKS again. Finish TV programmes rather than passing out on sofa. Etc etc. Oh, and if you come across another mum from the school run at a local AA meeting - so what? She will hardly be judging you, remember…. Funnily enough that happened to me and actually it's lovely having a friendly face in the school playground!

Brokeneggs - sorry I had missed your post about smear (still catching up). Very scary I know. I had loop surgery over a decade ago and remember finding it pretty alarming. Delighted it was all ok

Thanks also and oneofus Your dh sounds great and really understanding, well explained. Enjoy the shopping and make you spoil yourself a little.

I don't do a blog but I did start a journal from the first day I gave up this time. If nothing else I thought if my resolve started to waver I would be able to read back on how frightened, guilty and lost I felt. I don't really have anyone to speak to about it so it helps to ramble away on a page to myself.

I have actually been thinking about telling someone but I'm really not sure. There's absolutely no point in talking to my parents about it as they drink every night themselves so I feel like they would minimise it. The only person I want to be honest with is dp but being a fairly new relationship I'm unsure, yet on the other hand I feel its only fair to let him know so he can make the decision if he wants to carry on with us or not. I dated an alcoholic (in denial despite being in rehab twice) who didn't tell me about his problems with alcohol at the start and quite frankly it was hell. I trust him to keep it to himself but still it's a scary step. I kind of have dropped it into conversation last week about me having no 'off button' (you and I must be singing from the same hymn sheet oneofus ) when I drink so it might not come as a huge surprise to him.

Definately have decided to give AA a whirl on Saturday. Being an atheist I'm not into the whole higher power milarky but I think it might help to meet some people in a similar situation. I did it alone last time and that didn't work so time to change tack.