Well that just takes the biscuit!

[Moralityissue]

I will post what I'm talking about further down the thread (trying to clear my head enough to actually post about it)..

BUT... In order to distract me from the thousand thoughts swirling through my mind one of which is how long do you get for murder again?

Anyone got any funny PLEASE!! stories of how they somehow got the blame for something they in absolutley no way what so ever did?

I will start.. I've just been told I'm being divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable differences... The differences being I objected to finding 'come dogging' on my husbands laptop.

I'm strangely ok. Likely shock. I read it and burst out laughing.. Oh and he wants to know who I'm shagging cos obviously I must be shagging someone as it can't be just that I have self respect

Haven't bothered name changing..

The only thought that went through my mind was 'God loves a trier'!!!!

Or we've been there and know the script for this type of man.

They swing from threats to emotional blackmail, to look what you've done to me, and suicide threats (or thereabouts). From calling you names to saying I love you.

I've had in one long email:
I have never threatened you and would never
I love you
I will make you pay

I would just go for arsenic- who would blame you? Not me certainly.

I hope you are OK this morning Morality
If he's reading the thread then don't reply.
But, his over-reaction is just soooo telling.
He's massively projecting and following 'the script' rather nicely.
I'd be doing some more digging.
Definitely get some legal advice on this though so you know where you stand.

Have you talked yet OP?

We are talking.. Kind of.. It's very stilted and polite. He's not at home obviously.

I've agreed for him to prove that the site comes up as a pop up and have said we can talk about his reaction if and when he proves it.

If he can prove it then we can talk, if he can't then there is nothing to say...

On previous unfortunate past experience I can confirm that occasionally these kind of pop ups can occur. I can also confirm that it's when you have been using various porn and hook up type sites.

The proving and checking thing can be a slippery slope of mistrust. I hope you manage to sort things out Op.

Well I've been using computers for decades now and no dogging sites have ever 'popped up' on mine.

I hope he steps up but I think it will be almost impossible to 'prove' this!

How will he prove it was a pop up and not something that his browsing history targeted him with ?

the only way to do that is to wait a period of time, without wiping his history for it to happen again ?

how long does that period of time have to be be before he is assigned "innocent" status ?

bottom line is...do you trust him or do you not

if you don't, this is your life...waiting for this or something similar to happen again. Miserable existence, that.

The problem here is why is there this specific pop-up and where did it come from, even if it is a pop-up.

Don't allow him to turn it in to a court case. That clouds the issue.

The thing is, I've clicked on all sorts of pages, I've clicked on links from mumsnet, I've clicked on some really odd stuff.

I still don't get pop ups for dodgy sites, not even mildly iffy. I get followed around by images of clothes and shoes - stuff that I have been looking at recently because stuff like pop ups are targeted depending on what sites you go on. Dogging sites aren't really that mainstream.

I think it is not just about the pop ups but also about he attacked you when you let him know. I think you need to get something sorted out about how you can work things out without this sort of performance as well. If I was in your shoes and found other dodgy stuff I would be thinking whether it would be worth talking to him about it. Whether you should just put up with it instead of going through all the hassle. Then you find you are trained to put up with rubbish and it gets v depressing.

I had an ex whom I found on contact sights. When I investigated on his PC ....dogging sites amongst others of all types popped up.

I like yourself Op have used a PC for years and have never had anything like that 'pop up' ....that is because you and I don't have a penchant for seeking porn online most probably.

me neither. in 8 years and on my third lap top (since I got a lap top for personal use) i have never once got a porn pop up! I think that's because the computer or the search engine cookies knwo I'm not interested. They do however seem to target me with ads for various things I am interested in.

Even my exH didn't get such pop ups and evidence of odd stuff was found by my work IT guy when clearing up my computer of bugs.

As an action plan, I'd take my time deciding how to proceed and not let him push me into moving on or towards asking him for a divorce. But don't let yourself be blackmailed if he threatens divorce again.

If you do decide to stick it this time, make sure you set boundaries for what you are prepared to accept and have a plan in case they are crossed.

I don't think there is any doubt about what he did here, it's more of whether you'll be able to forgive or not, or if you are prepared to accept that he is visiting these sites, or not.