Well that just takes the biscuit!

[Moralityissue]

I will post what I'm talking about further down the thread (trying to clear my head enough to actually post about it)..

BUT... In order to distract me from the thousand thoughts swirling through my mind one of which is how long do you get for murder again?

Anyone got any funny PLEASE!! stories of how they somehow got the blame for something they in absolutley no way what so ever did?

I will start.. I've just been told I'm being divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable differences... The differences being I objected to finding 'come dogging' on my husbands laptop.

I'm strangely ok. Likely shock. I read it and burst out laughing.. Oh and he wants to know who I'm shagging cos obviously I must be shagging someone as it can't be just that I have self respect

Haven't bothered name changing..

The only thought that went through my mind was 'God loves a trier'!!!!

"Well that just takes the 'dog' biscuit'....

His first line of defence is utterly priceless....

OP, you sound traumatised, joking aside, take plenty of time to get your head straight. You've had a very nasty shock.

Does anyone know where I stand on mortgages etc? There is no way I can financially afford to keep the house on (no kids together if that's relevant although I have 2)

Do I stay till it's sold? I doubt there is equity in it... Can he make me leave?

Tricky one.

I'm not sure as my own situation was different and the DC was ours so he couldn't force a sale and paid the mortgage plus CM until I was in a position to get a mortgage myself.

Can you get to a sol today to check it out?

Get on line and look for a solictor in your area that gives a free 1/2 hour consultation.
Find out what your options are.
Is the house in both your names?
Do you get maintenace from your DC father?
Do you work?
How long have you been married for?
Any other assets etc..?
Get some legal advice and then you can talk to him from a position of strength.

Sounds to me like this is his perfect excuse to get out.
And accusing you of cheating? We know the page from 'the script' on that one don't we!?

You do need legal advice if there is a property involved. There are rules and conventions and then there are private arrangements. Most people end up somewhere in the middle and if your husband was likely to be reasonable and keep things amicable you might end up with a better than basic arrangement. If he's going to be obstructive, you'll end up with the bare minimum legally allowable. Best to work out what that is in advance so that you are prepared and for that you need a solicitor. 'Hope for the best, plan for the worst'

Minced up tiger's whiskers. Reputed to be more effective than ground glass in his curry, also supposed to be undetectable at autopsy.

First, catch your tiger and be careful, it might not be too enthusiastic about having a couple of whiskers tugged out.

Oh bless him.

I've just had a very ranty email along the lines of 'this is all your fault for not trusting me and checking up on me' I've wrecked our relationship and it's all my fault.

Oh and the absolute corker? I've done all this to get out of the marriage.

I was expecting that a bit later on but impressed at his foresight.

That should be you have wrecked it and it's all your fault.

Well obviously!! I mean come on, who in their right mind would object?

...after all, OP, some of the 'best people' have gone dogging. Um ... I mean by 'best peope' some Z List soap 'stars'. Does your man have a dog, by the way?

So what are you going to do about it?

Morality....

You really couldn't make it up.

What an total twunt of the highest rank.

Blimey what a huge favour he has done you.

I know how it feels though....pretty damn awful at mo.

Wow!
Projecting much!???

I think he's quite right to ask for divorce. Who would object to their h researching dogging?! I mean- you are a kill hot aren't you??

Seriously though- I'd divorce his arse as quick as possible.

ha yes, you planned this!

projecting yes, classic case.

All the things my x accused me of were the things he was planning /doinng himself.

eg, Secret accounts (no, but he had several)

"Do I stay till it's sold? I doubt there is equity in it... Can he make me leave?"

No, he can't make you leave. He'd be hard-pressed to make you leave if it was a rental rather than a mortgaged property.

Quite a lot depends on how long have you been married and whether the property is in both names. If it's in both then he can't arrange a sale without your signature on the papers, and as you have children you'd probably not be inclined to actively make yourself and your kids homeless. You could find that he might be prepared to be more flexible all round if you hint that you might not tell everyone you know about his fondness for dogging websites. "Blackmail" is a horrible word. I much prefer "inducement".

Make an appointment with a solicitor asap.

What am I going to do? Well he's not coming home (can I still call it home? for a few days at least - I don't see a way back from this.. His responses if nothing else show me that.

So my next step is to get some legal advice and find out what I can do to get myself and my kids out of this mess.

I'm still very numb about it all tbh.. Very little emotion, I'm not replying to his many emails.. They all say the same, just worded differently.. All of them have the undertone of 'why are you doing this to us' and 'how can you not trust me'

In a sick way I actually hope he did something instead of just looking.. Because the thought that I've had to end what I thought was a happy marriage because he couldn't help but look is actually more painful than thinking I've ended it because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Ok that makes no sense at all!

Either way I can't and won't live with someone who even thought for one second about doing something like that.. I could understand an affair, or that he developed feelings for someone else.. But nameless anonymous sex? I just can't understand it at all and it completely goes against everything I thought about him.

Married 3 years, house in both names.

It is funny but it's not. For what it's worth I'm being divorced for unreasonable behaviour one of which is:

"The petitioner bought sex pills online to benefit the petitioner. Unfortunately it displeased the petitioner". And this is actually on the divorce petition which is lodged with the court.

WTF? I am the respondent so I'm being unreasonable for his decision which didn't work out for him?

The others aren't much better either. I'm terrified that it's going to be kicked out of court because he's made so many mistakes with filling it in.

As for your divorce and the house. It'll be down to your ages, his and your income, the age of your children, and what you negotiate. Whatever you do, don't leave the house now ask him to. There are good reasons for this.

See a solicitor, I know it'll probably cost you a few hundred pounds but it truly is money well spent. You don't have to instruct them after but they'll explain the process. I have never been divorced before and it's been (and still is some days) a traumatic experience. But I remind myself others have survived I will too!

If you do use a solicitor expect it to cost around 5k -10K to get divorced.

It doesn't make much difference whether he or you file. If you file you can claim costs against the respondent - but rarely are these awarded. As the petitioner you will have to pay the court fees and your solicitor's fees.

I'd also read: FAMILY LAW which is written for the lay man. I found it very helpful to understand the process, what your rights are, what not to do.

www.amazon.co.uk/Family-Law-Made-Simple-Separation-ebook/dp/B00IUJZ89G/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1405339466&sr=8-10&keywords=FAMILY+LAW

Good luck with it all. It truly is the most awful of experiences, but one that has to be done if you are to regain control of you life. And yes, having a sense of humour is a vital ingredient to surviving this!

If it makes you feel any better - I think he probably does have someone else/has been having an affair.
The signs are there.
Projecting, wildly accusing you, your fault, you've ruined eveything, how could you?... etc.... etc....
As I said before. It's his excuse for an out.
Soon you'll get 'well I haven't really been in love with you for a while' or 'I haven't been happy for a year'
Yes, next step legal advice.
Pack his stuff up and tell him that tomorrow you will leave it on the doorstep for him to collect.
Call his bluff now.
He's behaving like an absolute wanker right now.
Biggest over reation ever!!!
If my OH wanted to have a look at my phone, he could, and he does as I do to his phone as well.
We have no secrets so what is there to hide?

Sorry you are going through this. You must still be in shock right now.
The anger is starting - hold onto that.
I know you are trying to make light of it right now but please look after yourself. Keep yourself hydrated and eat if you can. Sugary tea, soups or smoothies, ice lollies. Keep your sugar levels up.

Well he's persistent.

I'm now crazy do I REALLY believe he would do something like that?

It's just a mistake, it was a pop up apparently.. How can I possibly believe this stuff.. Don't I know him at all

I'm no longer replying. God knows what he expects me to say.. Or maybe I'm just expected to beg for forgiveness? not fucking likely

Got to keep hold of the anger.. I can already feel myself arguing it with the stupid 'what if's'

Wanker how bloody dare he.

Amazing how I don't get those pop ups, even though I do google lots of odd things, thanks to MN.

Sorry that I haven't read it all, but I'd probably visit a solicitor tomorrow, or download a divorce form off the net and give it to him, with a packet of jammy dodgers.

Or just return the note with packet of said biscuits.

Even if he doesn't get the joke, I'd be very satisfied.

Irreconcilable differences - he is a cunt. You are not.