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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Well that just takes the biscuit!

90 replies

Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 08:15

I will post what I'm talking about further down the thread (trying to clear my head enough to actually post about it)..

BUT... In order to distract me from the thousand thoughts swirling through my mind one of which is how long do you get for murder again?

Anyone got any funny PLEASE!! stories of how they somehow got the blame for something they in absolutley no way what so ever did? Hmm

I will start.. I've just been told I'm being divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable differences... The differences being I objected to finding 'come dogging' on my husbands laptop.

I'm strangely ok. Likely shock. I read it and burst out laughing.. Oh and he wants to know who I'm shagging cos obviously I must be shagging someone as it can't be just that I have self respect Hmm

Haven't bothered name changing..

The only thought that went through my mind was 'God loves a trier'!!!!

OP posts:
afussyphase · 14/07/2014 16:56

So wait. I don't know what dogging is (and I'm at work so I won't google it). But are you leaving an otherwise happy marriage because your DH looked at one site, which might or might not have been a popup or tab opened without a lot of intention? Unless dogging involves children or very clear non-consent ... what am I missing? I think a lot of men (and women) look at porn and/or have fantasies about people who aren't their partner. It (porn) can be produced in a consensual, non-trafficking, proper wage-paying not-so-totally evil way, at least according to Dan Savage. And if your computer has a virus or you accidentally click the wrong place, you can get those popups. I have seen them. (aside: when you lose your child's favourite toy doll, do NOT google image your description of the doll. at least not without safe search turned on. oops).
Not that you shouldn't be angry and of course you know him and your situation best but I think I missed something along the way here!

BuzzardBird · 14/07/2014 17:01

When my DH watches football on-line he gets all sorts of vile pop-ups. I assume you are sure that it wasn't?

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 17:06

The site was 'come dogging' which involves you putting in a postcode (your post code) which you then meet up with complete strangers for anonymous sex...

Ok I'm possibly not 1000% sure that it wasn't a pop up.. But I don't get those types of pops up!! And as far as I know pop ups don't go onto your internet history.... It was on a phone if that helps.

Where have all the non sceptics gone? Now feeling very slightly wobbly about it all..

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/07/2014 17:07

When my DH watches football on-line he gets all sorts of vile pop-ups
And probably viruses or other nasty stuff. Hmm

Lweji · 14/07/2014 17:08

I found the site last night.. Confronted him. Got a response of 'how can you accuse me of this (with screen shots!!!) which then changed to it was a pop up.. (Again screen shots prove he was on BBC sport prior...) ... Which then resulted in him going to work this morning and leaving me a charming note saying he suspects I'm cheating and that's why I felt the need to check his phone, I don't trust him therefore there is no relationship and he will be filing for divorce under the above...

Read this again.
This is an overreaction if there ever was one and should tell you all about him.
It's designed to shut you up and it's not likely to be pop ups only.

BuzzardBird · 14/07/2014 17:09

I have been sat next to him when it has happened and it has shown in internet history but it does say that it was only on there for a second. It only happens with sports watching and nothing else.

PlumpPartridge · 14/07/2014 17:10

afussyphase - but when the op asked him about it, he went batshit crazy and started accusing her of allsorts. As is often the case, the reaction is more suspicious than the initial incident

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 17:12

He does tend to jump off the deep end if he's accused of things he hasn't done in fairness... Hmm

Although he's never accused me of cheating before.

OP posts:
WellWhoKnew · 14/07/2014 17:12

I have followed sport, read about it, watch it on line.

I have never had a dogging pop up. Why would I?

'Instant Divorces' however plague me...

Lweji · 14/07/2014 17:15

He does tend to jump off the deep end if he's accused of things he hasn't done

or has he?

PipkinsPal · 14/07/2014 17:17

I did my own divorce and typed out the reasons for ending my marriage due to irreconcilable differences. My STBXH said "who typed all that out?" I replied "I did, is there anything you disagree with?" He said no and I had my decree absolute.

BuzzardBird · 14/07/2014 17:17

Still think he sounds guilty, check how long he actually accessed the site for...then you will know if it was a pop-up. Have just checked history as DH was watching football the other night and betting pop-ups kept coming up but the time on the history is seconds.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 17:27

It's a phone. Doesn't give the time

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 14/07/2014 17:29

Oh crap, sorry, my advice is useless then. I was just trying to make sure that you were 100% clear.
Phone bill?

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 17:30

What would a phone bill show me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 17:35

Oh crap I'm really worrying now. I have been under an extreme amount of stress recently.. And it's not unheard of for me to be slightly 'neurotic' during times of extreme stress.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 14/07/2014 17:42

Actually, not for internet use, no. I was thinking phone calls to unusual numbers or late at night etc.

Don't doubt yourself, you know what you saw, but be clear that he can't talk you around it.

bleedingheart · 14/07/2014 18:18

Highly unlikely he'd get pop ups on BBC sport.

His ridiculous over reaction and countless emails seem to indicate guilt. If he was innocent, surely he'd talk about it and laugh it off OR even if he was mad to be accused initially he would acknowledge how it looks and try to make it 'okay.'

The accusations and abuse seem out of step with a wronged man.

getthefeckouttahere · 14/07/2014 18:47

i look at lots of 'ahem' unusual adult content online (on phone and laptop) i also am a frequent visitor to BBC sport website. Strangely the two never combine. In fact i can never recall having a single pop up whilst using BBC websites.... ever. (and trust me if anyone was a candidate for this sort of pop up its me!)

AnyFucker · 14/07/2014 18:52

^AnyFucker Mon 14-Jul-14 09:08:06

Ah. Just carry on "joking" about killing him then but stay in the situation.

That's a good plan.^

When I posted that earlier you bit my head off. Now you are "wobbling" just a few hours later ?

Love, it's not so much the pop up that is evidence of his guilt. As is usual in the script of cheating fuckers it's the subsequent behaviour, minimising and attempts to deflect the blame that are most telling. he has no respect for you and that is your problem here.

PlumpPartridge · 14/07/2014 19:51

*His ridiculous over reaction and countless emails seem to indicate guilt. If he was innocent, surely he'd talk about it and laugh it off OR even if he was mad to be accused initially he would acknowledge how it looks and try to make it 'okay.'

The accusations and abuse seem out of step with a wronged man.*

This. And what AF said.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 20:25

One of the things that's occurred to me in reading his emails again for the 10th time is that he hasn't once said 'I love you and this is ridiculous' stupid as it sounds that's probably the first thing I've got emotional over.

Current technique seems to be that I'm on a self sabotage mission as a result of all the stress I'm under.. Oh and am I sure of my choice because there is no going back Hmm

OP posts:
Lweji · 14/07/2014 20:31

My guess is that he'll be begging you to stay soon enough.
You just need to stand your ground.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 20:35

Actually I doubt that very much. He's really not the begging type.. Although what do I know? I would never have had him down for this either Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Moralityissue · 14/07/2014 20:56

I take that back Hmm

I suspect he's reading this thread.. Just had memories of our wedding come through via mail.

It's either that or he's become a freaking mind reader

OP posts:
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