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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please tonight and tomorrow

58 replies

justhelpme · 13/07/2014 03:51

I feel so sick. I'm a MNer. I'm a good and strong woman. Friends and etc would be shocked to hear me say this.

No one (?) will be up. I have to say I've had a lot to drink tonight and this is a 'help me handle the next few hours' until he leaves in the morning. I think he'll just go but i will be left with some really unpleasant feelings. We do not live together. It is a very new relationship and there is no substance to what has happened between us other than his declarations and my need to stay grounded.

I am not in any danger. This is a how do I get him out of my life in the morning when we are both sober with the most dignity I can muster given everything he has said - and suddenly withdrawn and has turned against me within a moment. I can explain if need be but please help if you can.

OP posts:
giraffescantboogie · 13/07/2014 03:54

What has he said?

Batmansunderpants · 13/07/2014 03:55

I am here, what is happening? Can you text someone to call you in the morning with an emergency so you both have to leave?

Do you want to talk about what's happening?

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 13/07/2014 04:09

Is this alcohol talking?

Im very confused.

If you are in no danger then go to sleep, and come morning just leave.

JennyOnTheBlocks · 13/07/2014 04:11

I'm up too

What's happened, OP?

Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:12

It's all mad.

He has suddenly said that I'm a liar because I smoke ( cigarettes). I have not made a secret of it and have smoked in front of him before. I have been upfront with him. We met online and my profile does not give the 'trying to stop' option' so i said it in my write up. He has seen me smoke, I clean my teeth each time i have a cigarette. There are reasons he gives that smoking is so abhorrent to him and I completely understand - but I am not connected in any way to why (TMI and can't say). Tonight - suddenly it's all wrong and he can't be with me. This sounds silly. But he has dumped me suddenly when we were having a fantastic evening at my house - and he is now in my spare room (where I told him to go to sleep until he's ready to drive home in the morning ) . I won't' go into the stupid details.

I just want this to end with me feeling ok. I am not in danger, not at all. I am just so angry. I can hear this man snoring - and he was so in love with me until he realised that he couldn't love a woman who had 'lied'.

OP posts:
JennyOnTheBlocks · 13/07/2014 04:19

Have you both had a lot to drink? if so, that will have loosened his tongue too, and perhaps he has been building up to finishing the relationship but being pissed it's come out in the most clumsy way?

I think there's more in the details you won't share though.

It's totally you call what you share online, but I get the feeling you know. . .

Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:32

I have not lied. that much I do know. He has shared things with me that i have not asked for. I have not shared things with him, but I was feeling somewhat 'mesmerised'? by him. He wanted me to fall for him, I know that I am not drunk now. I am drinking tea. whilst this man who has pursued me relentlessly…. relentlessly.. snores in my spare room.

He will not be legal to drive now. I would like to get him out of my life. I feel so angry. I want to be dignified. I know he will want the story that it is done because I am al liar - but I am not.

OP posts:
JennyOnTheBlocks · 13/07/2014 04:36

Does he live close enough for him to get a cab home?

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape to me, what a charmer.

Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:40

No he doesn't. He'll have to drive. He won't want to if he thinks he's illegal. But I don't want him here when he's awake.

Shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:45

I'm sitting here in front of the biggest bouquet of flowers (from him) that you'll ever see.

oh shit. He's the first man I've ever had in my home. I like him. A lot. But I didn't love him - I have been so fucking honest. Except in my profile (which he's now using against me) and I had explained and done things to take away his bad renounces of. Fuck.

OP posts:
Whenwillwe3meetagain · 13/07/2014 04:45

Well go for a walk in the morning and ask him to be gone when you return.

Once he is gone that's it.

Unless there are other things you aren't telling us this does seem a bit over dramatic.

Were you both leg less?

Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:46

liked that should say. I'm shocked. Really shocked.

OP posts:
GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 13/07/2014 04:52

Hopefully you'll sleep soon.

Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:53

No - drunk yes. But suddenly it was over.

I just want him gone with the least drama - which is not how his life has played out if what he says is to be believed.

Look. When he suddenly said it I said OK fine. If that's how you feel I can't change that, and I understand (I am an adult and never too drunk to act grown up). He said he wanted us to spend a last night together (why ffs) but I declined and said I have a spare room.

So - I am the love of his life - who he has dumped. I have been keeping him at arms length for so long and he has dumped me because I am a 'liar' and all I want is to get him out of my life with the most dignity I can when he wakes up. Shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
justhelpme · 13/07/2014 04:55

Please do not think of me as some drunken woman who doesn't know what she's saying or doing . I am more and more sober by the second.

Just some words to help me get him gone with my dignity intact would help.

OP posts:
Whenwillwe3meetagain · 13/07/2014 05:03

He will probably just get up and leave. You seem very concerned about dignity but having no sleep will not be helping and your messages aren't making a whole lot of sense now.
Try to sleep and he will probably be gone when you wake.

daisychain01 · 13/07/2014 05:39

Do you think it may have been the drink talking? Not excusing him, but sometimes it does bad things.

If you want a dignified ending, maybe get up before him, have showered and dressed and when he sees you, you will be looking OK and hold your head high. Maybe see if he says anything to you this morning in the cold light of day...

DwellsUndertheSink · 13/07/2014 05:52

He sounds like he was looking for an excuse. MAybe he wanted the adoration, then got cold feet, so he made up some flimsy excuse (but note, he still wanted to "spend the night"...). Chalk it up to experience & let him leave when he wakes up. He might be full of remorse, but given how shit he made you feel, he doesnt sound like a keeper.

Vivacia · 13/07/2014 07:07

This just sounds like a drunken argument.

lettertoherms · 13/07/2014 07:13

He sounds like a cock. Even if it was a drunken argument.

Have some tea, a shower, get dressed, and wave him off - no tears, no hearing him out. You don't seem to care as much for him as he is expressing to you, and I question his motives if he's making declarations in a short time and then firing off weird accusations. So just tell him it's a shame it couldn't work out, you are simply incompatible and living different lives, bye.

Vivacia · 13/07/2014 07:36

What's he done wrong? I'd be pissed off if I thought I was seeing someone who had quit smoking, or was trying, only to be around somebody who smoked all night on a night out.

RudyMentary · 13/07/2014 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExcuseTypos · 13/07/2014 07:53

Hope he left quickly and quietly and you managed some sleep.

HumblePieMonster · 13/07/2014 08:53

Hope he's gone by now, without any trouble.
He sounds like someone I know.
You're better off without him. Good on you for having a spare room and not 'having a last night together'.

Hissy · 13/07/2014 09:49

You dodged a bullet. Anyone who treats you like that is abusive actually.

You've said he pursued you relentlessly. That's a red flag when you put it with suddenly turning on you.

Wake him up and tell him to go.