Please tonight and tomorrow

[justhelpme]

I feel so sick. I'm a MNer. I'm a good and strong woman. Friends and etc would be shocked to hear me say this.

No one (?) will be up. I have to say I've had a lot to drink tonight and this is a 'help me handle the next few hours' until he leaves in the morning. I think he'll just go but i will be left with some really unpleasant feelings. We do not live together. It is a very new relationship and there is no substance to what has happened between us other than his declarations and my need to stay grounded.

I am not in any danger. This is a how do I get him out of my life in the morning when we are both sober with the most dignity I can muster given everything he has said - and suddenly withdrawn and has turned against me within a moment. I can explain if need be but please help if you can.

Grannyontheschoolrun: I've read your posts elsewhere and been taken aback by the cattiness you show. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. If you want to be insulting, choose someone who hasn't just been dumped. Shame on you.

You could see that he was angling to keep the relationship going - on his terms only. He could have left in a cab but he chose to stay the night, he tried to hang around in the morning for breakfast, and he keeps trying to contact you.

He's not ready to give it up, he wanted to have someone to manipulate and control. Unfortunately for him, you are not playing his games. I wouldn't be surprised if he keeps trying to contact you tbh.

How much time passed between meeting online and meeting up physically? How many times had you met him in RL?

Erm areyoumymother the OP has not been dumped. She dumped him.

And FWIW I agree with granny, the OP, title and name change was completely OTT

bitoutofpractice She was dumped, at first. And was very, very upset about it. No problem with the OP being called melodramatic etc but Grannyontheschoolrun was just catty. She told the OP that it was good the relationship was over from both point party's point of view. Rather off but the OT didn't retaliate so she tried again, saying 'You sound like a right pair'. Unpleasant and unnecessary - and something I've seen repeatedly from her.

Things always seem worse at four in the morning anyway.

What you've lost, OP, as you do realise, is the illusion of a lovely guy who turned out to be other than he seemed - and then, in a spectacular show of hypocrisy, blamed you for being other than you seemed.

Mind you I had a terrible thing about XH smoking because he DID lie about it. Repeatedly and insultingly, once whilst actually holding a lit cigar behind his back like a naughty child. I'm pretty rabidly anti-smoking these days.

But this is not about smoking at all, as others have rightly said. Give up for yourself by all means, you know it makes sense - btw there's a "Stop Smoking" topic in the MN health board which you might find supportive - but never give anything up under emotional blackmail.

I did to think it was catty at all areyou

I guess if you've been noticing granny elsewhere you might read it differently.

Incidentally I hate the term "catty". Only ever applied to women isn't it?

bitoutofpractice Yes I hate the word catty and only use it when I feel someone's being kicked when they're down. Now you've pointed out the gender bias I might not use it again. Have been known to say 'You're like a woman at her worst' to DH on occasion. Might not do that anymore either.