Can I have your opinion?

[Cowapjn]

Hello!

Me and the ex girlfriend have a 4 week old little girl.

We split up 3 months ago for different reasons (I did t cheat or anything don't worry)

I want to get back together and be a family. Whilst we were split it looked like that would never happen. I booked to go to a dance music festival which takes place this weekend.

Now there seems to be some hope with me and the ex and I'm excited! She's now kicked up a fuss over me going to this dance music festival this weekend. Note - we are both still single, haven't kissed or anything and haven't definitely said we will get back together but the signs look good. Please also note if we hadn't of split up, I would never of booked this festival. I just thought stuff it I'll go and have a good time.

She's now trying to make out I still want to be a mad party animal even though all that stopped when I met her. There's another dance music festival at the pens of August that all my friends are going to and I've been the last 5 years including last year when I went with the now ex girlfriend.
I'm not going to this.

I just want my family. My guys holidays and stuff like that all stopped when I met her long before we was due to have our first child. I have a friend for example who is 28 like me and has a 3 year old. He always goes out partying and on guys holidays etc. that is not what I want to be.

So the ex is now saying me and her both want different things all because I'm going to this 1 day festival.
I've told her I'll not go and it wouldn't faze me If I don't go but she's telling me to go and probably meaning the opposite.

She's even made out that me going I'm not putting our baby first even though of I didn't go, I'd only be stuck at home bored alone so how is it me putting a festival before the baby.

I honestly don't care if I do t go to the festival.

She's said its definitely over anyway tonight and she wants different things to me which makes me think "stuff you I'll go the darn festival then and have fun" but something tells me that would be a bad move and by me not going despite her saying it's definitely over it would prove to her I'm committed to my family!

This is bloody awful :( light at the end of the tunnel finally and now this!

If she's got trust issues (general ones, not ones to do with you specifically) she needs to own them and sort it out. Nothing you can do - no amount of hoop jumping - will help.

Tbh, she sounds like a bit of an immature pain in the arse, baby or no; you, otoh, sound like you're trying to do the right thing, and I think you've been given a bit of a hard time on this thread.

I agree the 'someone else' is probably a piece of fiction.

I think I can guarantee that any game playing there is going on will stop as soon as a solicitor's letter drops through the letterbox and getting formal arrangements for visitation/contact with the baby started. By formal I mean a court ordered schedule.

Fwiw, I think they both sound immature, but there is a baby involved who should not be denied a relationship with her father. It is possible to be neutral and civil with the mother, and having a visitation schedule that is official will be very valuable with someone inclined to play games. In fact, I think it will be essential.

I'm sure if "the ex" came on here she would tell a completely different story. I kind of think you are not relaying true facts but you really must go to the festival as it is obviously very important to you. When you get back from the festival you need to have a serious chat with "the ex" and if you cannot sort out proper access visits you will have to get some legal advice.

I kind of wonder too. It's pretty drastic to split up so far along in pregnancy.

I agree with differentname - it does sound like you are being given the runaround, and I do think you've been given a bit of a pasting on here...

BUT...

I'm basing this on what you have written and it's only one side of the story. I don't personally need to know but you need to think about why you split up in the first place and consider whether that is a contributory factor in what is going on right now. Having a baby is a big deal as far as her body and her hormones go and that is likely also to be playing a part.

I understand that solicitors can be expensive but you have just dismissed getting legal advice to see your daughter out of hand. If it's that important to you that you have access you need to consider it because as things stand it is the only way it's going to happen. Have you been to CAB? Bear in mind though, as other posters have said, 4 weeks old is still very very tiny and you may well be granted less access than you might want.
Also you talk about not having her family looking over you while you see the baby (can't remember exactly how you phrased it) - if you're seeing your daughter and it's that important to you, surely this isn't that much of a big deal? Are they 'off' with you? Vocally or behaviourally? Was the reason behind your break up a possible cause?

I think that you need to stop texting your ex all the time. Go to the festival. Get some advice from CAB or similar. Think about why your ex might be acting this way towards you. Give up on getting back together and (sorry - meant kindly but your posts indicate you need to) grow up a touch.

Good grief poor baby. The mum sounds like a nightmare but maybe we can charitably put it down to baby hormones.

I agree with Math and differentname. She's just playing with you.

As you can't afford a solicitor, though some solicitors do a free half hour initial consultation, go to CAB who also have access to legal advice.

I always tell women who are being mucked about to keep a paper trail so I will tell you the same. Keep the texts and all other communications between you and her, also make diary notes of your efforts to see and help your child, tuings you've bought, contacts arranged, contacts cancelled, reasons given etc.

Good luck, and enjoy the festival.

Stop dancing to her tune now.
She's told you it's over so just believe her.
Live your life the way you want to.
From what you've posted, you're better off away from her anyway.
Keep contact to a minimum. Make sure it's only about access to your DC and maintenance payments.
A date? 4 weeks post birth! She is probably lying about this.
Minimum contact.

Go to the concert.
Enjoy it.
Come back and contact CAB.
Set up regular access.