Gutted :'-(

[Sassy777]

Been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now and this morning he phones to tell me his life is too busy and he needs to break it off with me. He is a couple of months away from finishing his house and his ex still lives there and won't move out until the house is sold and she gets her cut. She's on his back all the time about it apparently.

I'm gutted as I really like him. He's just sent me a long email explaining himself and I just don't even know if I can be bothered to respond. He wants to phone me again tonight but it's pointless isn't it. He says he likes me too much and wasn't expecting to like someone this much. But he's away with work next week and then away again for 2 weeks in august. I just feel like telling him to grow some! But it wouldn't solve anything.

Burn it

Aww, sorry to hear you're a bit down. It'll be fine, I promise. Have a great time tonight

oh ffs he's just sent me a long email saying he has strong feelings for me and wants to see me again. says he's worried about his financial situation (house and ex) and he can't see me enough because of it all... he thought i may have texted him to talk about it all... argh what to do what to doooo

Ergo

He thought you might have chased after him to talk this through, he put a lot of thought in to that last email I can't see how he has suddenly had a change of mind.

Unless your supposed to say oh don't worry I'll pick up your tab till your sorted. If you must respond maybe just a quick email when everything's sorted etc, until then no contact.

When he says he thought you may have texted him to talk about it all, he means he thought you would fall sobbing at his feet, begging him to reconsider.

Sadly, you did not follow his script and that's pissed him right off! Now he's trying to put the "blame" on you for not fighting for him.

Fuck that!

Remember, the best answer is no answer!

You are doing great!

I'm going to show his emails to the girls tonight and see what they think.

They'll think he sounds like a whiney egotist if they have any sense and tell you to move on and find someone who wants a proper relationship

I'm a bit suspicious why you didn't block his email address when he dumped you? . Honestly, were you hoping he would contact you???
I wouldn't bother discussing it with your friends unless you think there might be a change of heart by both you and him. It's ok to have a change of heart but you need to be realistic about it. If he is flakey now then he will probably always be flakey.

Do nothing. He said he didn't want to see you anymore. If it was a ploy, don't fall for it. If it wasn't true he was an idiot for saying it. Walk away unless you want to be constantly be played with.

ffsffs tbh I couldn't see where to do that as i've never done it before. I use gmail.

He seems like a really genuine guy but is very confused... maybe i should tell him to sort his life out first... i may well not hang around that long though.

Nooooo - you were all strong before and now you're caving

Never mind his confusion. Dump. Him.

Yep, gearing up to take him back.

He's annoyed that you haven't slotted into the 'role' he's created for you of wailing, desperate, clingy, begging woman. You've backed off, and he can't understand it. Can you see what's happening here? He doesn't want you, but he wants you to still want him. It's a fucking game to him and men like him. It feeds their ego.

If he really had strong feelings for you, he'd not have ended it in the first place.

Just reeling you back in.

If you must reply, I would just send a short, friendly

"Yeah it's a shame that the house and ex have stopped you, I quite liked you too. I think our relationship is too young for me to be 'waiting for you' though and hope you meet someone lovely when you're ready'

That way, if he isn't just reeling you in (which I suspect he is), he should be at your house within 30 minutes begging forgiveness for being a twat and if not, you've cut your losses with dignity without looking remotely bitter.

Snotandbothered hit nail on the head. If u must reply then think thats exactly what to put

If you really like the guy, give him another chance. If you think he isn't worth the baggage, then go NC and leave him. Sounds like you both have mutual feelings for one another though.

I would generally go with your feelings. Theres no harm in contacting him or telling him how you feel. If you really like someone, you'll tell them and you wont play games.

Hope it all goes well for you OP.

I agree that if you want to give the relationship another go then you shouldn't let the comments on this thread stop you. It wouldn't be the first relationship with a flaky shakey start.

However, if you did consider anything I think you should definitely slow right down and try to be more 'sensible' and less luvved up . It was a bit silly to get so full on so quickly.

He has been stupid and flakey but it doesn't mean he's a bad man.

At the most I would only casually date him until he has sorted the rest of his life (house and ex) out. If he is the right person for you it would be worth waiting a year or so to see how things go.

Personally, I think it wouldn't bother with him as I can't be doing with drama lama flakey types.

If you want to block his emails google 'blocking emails on gmail'....

Good luck.

Update: it's definitely over.

And I've reactivated my pof and match accounts and have been chatting with 2 guys this afternoon, one has asked me out already :)

Sorry to hear that Sassy but you deserve someone who's willing to make an effort for you and not mess you around. Good for getting back on the horse, so to speak. You're doing better than me - I deleted Tinder and hid my POF account at the end of May as I just cba with men atm. Hope it works out for you .

Aw soft, maybe you should get back on it too? It's a welcome distraction! I'm just glad I didn't fall in love with the guy. Felt quite sad earlier and then met my friend for lunch and she told me to just go on loads of dates and don't get too attached. So that's what I'm going to try and do... just have fun.

And I'm now about to eat the wine gums I bought for him last week!!

Did you contact him at all? After his email? What makes you say it's "definitely over"?

"I like you too much" is bullshit.

He's either not that into you, still involved with ex or just a game playing twat.

In other words, you've had a lucky escape.

Don't take his call, it's only to ease his guilt & keep uou on side for a booty call when he's at a loose end... in September I'd bet.

Sorry you're hurting, but you deserve someone jonest.

Glad you have reached a decision. Have fun with the dating but take everything slooooooooowly!

I'm sorry you're going through this Sassy, but as you know deep down there is no such thing as 'liking someone so much you can't see them at all'.
If your life exploded with activity and you only had 3 hours free on a Tuesday night to see someone, would you not take it, would you not do everything you could to let them know you are counting down the days until the situation changed so that they didn't get fed up with the situation and dump you?

Men who think you're amazing, like you more than you know and can really see a future with you but can't be with you because of work / hobby / any lame excuse have basically reached the cross road in the relationship journey where you have to commit or not. They chose to bolt and head back for the chase with a new woman.