Gutted :'-(

[Sassy777]

Been seeing a lovely guy for a few weeks now and this morning he phones to tell me his life is too busy and he needs to break it off with me. He is a couple of months away from finishing his house and his ex still lives there and won't move out until the house is sold and she gets her cut. She's on his back all the time about it apparently.

I'm gutted as I really like him. He's just sent me a long email explaining himself and I just don't even know if I can be bothered to respond. He wants to phone me again tonight but it's pointless isn't it. He says he likes me too much and wasn't expecting to like someone this much. But he's away with work next week and then away again for 2 weeks in august. I just feel like telling him to grow some! But it wouldn't solve anything.

Don't have contact. He'll lose all respect for you if you take that story and then carry on having sex with him, or be his shoulder to cry on.

I just read this quote on another thread - it's so apt:

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

I read that yday I think! And did actually remember it today. So true. No way am I the sort of person to ask someone to reconsider! So there's no way I would settle for Fwb. I want a relationship. Someone to share my life with and have fun with on the weekends I don't have the kids. Just really felt this was going somewhere.

I am sorry that you're going through this.....at least you got a call even though it sounds to me like he is trying to let you down gently.

I agree with FFSFFS.....NEXT!

(Now I need to heed my own advice - mine just hasn't contacted me which is the pits )

Awww, really sorry Sassy. But there'll be someone right around the corner that will give you the time you deserve, I promise

Fwiw it was like he was asking me what he should do on the phone this morning. Like he was stressed with all the shit he has going on in his life. I just said well you've made your decision!

If he really wanted to see me as much as he days he does then he'd male time. :-(

Exactamundo. He sounds quite weak to me, you're better off. Chin up, tits out

I think a good response to his email is "OK. Bye then!".

Sorry OP. He's just not that into you. If he were he'd overcome these "obstacles" to see you. Leave him to it, block his number. On to the next one. Mark my words, he'll come sniffing about when he wants a shag and it suits him. Here is the route to great frustration and hurt if you choose it
I'm Afraid.

Oooh, me too Lois! Great reply.

See, what he wants, is for you to try and work around his 'committments' because you're so desperate to see him. No. Fuck him. not literally

So he's think you're so amazing and likes you so much he wants to see you less? He thinks it's best he doesn't see you anymore at all instead of 3 times a week. Hmmm I agree with others. Don't take the call and move on.
Although I bet you a tenner that if you don't reply to his mail or calls etc... He will suddenly do some back peddling coz he thinks you don't give a shit and it will hurt his ego.

It really is his loss. Give yourself some time and I am sure you will begin to see that.

Talisa you are so right. It was like he was asking me to solve his problem. He was very full on from the start so maybe he likes to see girlfriends really often and knows he can't do that atm and thinks it's not worth it. He still told me he thinks I'm beautiful and lovely in his email. Sod off!

Or... maybe he's just really fickle. Those ones that are really full on at the start change their minds really quickly too.

Yeah, it's a naff excuse really.

No-one would end a relationship they were really into because they were going away for 2 weeks. Makes no sense.

Actually it makes me think of teenage lads going on holiday, dumping their girlfriends so they can be single for their hols!

Game player.

Don't be the counter.

Full o' the shite is that one!

If you were to reply you'd be playing into his sticky little hands, move on, move up, move forward.

There are plenty nicer folk ready to rock your world

Maybe I should reply to his email with just a link to this thread... pmsl

Ohhhhhhh. That would be pretty awesome.

I'll bet he's going on holiday with his "ex" wife. Not just the two week holiday he's admitted to but the business trip as well.

How long had you been seeing him? A few weeks? And it had already ramped up to 3x a week? No wonder he's cooled off. That's LOADS of togetherness for such a young relationship.

Definitely don't speak to him again. It's a real slap in the face.

It sounds like commitment scares him. He can't even finish with his ex properly. Without realising he's doing it, he's someone who likes to keep their options open. So he lives with his ex, he breaks it off with you but still wants to talk, etc. No clean breaks. I bet he's still in touch with loads of exes.

I hope you gave a great night with your friend, slag him off royally, and DO NOT talk to him again.

Then go out and find someone nicer. And when you do, take care to pace the relationship. Don't let a bloke overdose on you early on! See new partners 1x or 2x a week maximum for the first couple of months. Don't let it get too intense too soon.

It did seem a little too much a little too soon - even if this was at his instigation.

I find overly gushy men a bit off putting.

When I got my place I had an absolute ton of DIY to do to get the place fixed up and it also looked like a bombsite for ages. I still made time to see friends and family though.

People saying that you make time for those that matter are right.

Sassy, I had a very, very similar situation at the start of the year. Dated a lovely so I thought man for a month or so, really liked him, lots of chemistry etc. He also had an ex in the background - although they weren't living together, he admitted he was still somewhat invested in his previous relationship. He then he started behaving all Alaska on me (cold and distant). Next thing he said he was just oh so busy and didn't have time to meet up, then a few weeks later told me he just saw me as a friend but at the same time was saying how amazing I was . Over the following few months he kept initiating contact, even going as far as one Saturday night offering to come over at half nine with wine. I declined as I'm no-one's booty call, ffs.

It was months before I was ready to delete his number, texts, photos and delete him from Whatsapp. It took a day at a Matthew Hussey seminar to make me realise what I already knew but until then, hadn't been ready to accept - that no-one is too busy to see you; it just depends where you are on their list of priorities.

Your bloke sounds just as pathetic, tbh. He wants you, but without the commitment. No doubt he'll be expecting you to fawn all over him trying to keep him and when you don't, he'll keep contacting you to ensure you're still a little bit invested in him. It's the same old script. It's not easy to walk away but you deserve better.