how can i run away from social servies ?

[Familyjustice2014]

how can we run away from social servies ?

or can we just change our names by deep poll and leave this city and live some where else ?

or could the police find us ?

we have a son toghther and we are just sick of social servies we want to run away

Youaremyrain, agree. It's not academic intelligence that makes someone a good parent but emotional intelligence.

And emotional intelligence is not something you can just 'decide' to have by sheer force of will or because someone thinks it's funny to call you a 'dick' or 'thick' on the internet.

And if you grew up with parents who did not themselves have much or any emotional intelligence, it can take years to get yourself to a state of insight into your own behaviour.

You wouldn't tell someone in a wheelchair to stop being a dick and just climb up those stairs. So why assume the op is the way he is because he is 'thick' or nasty?

I am with YouAreMyRain here, there is no need for name calling. "thick" pretty offensive that.

I would imagine if I were in OPs situation I might also want to escape the whole situation. But from the perspective of NOT being emotionally invested and in the thick of it (excuse my pun), fleeing with a wee baby is not a good idea.

Please listen to all the excellent advice you have had!

It seems to me that literacy, temperament and intelligence are being conflated/confused by some posters TBH.

Don't forget his gf has a non molestation order against him. They aren't easy to get without evidence. Plenty of violent men don't acknowledge they have been violent. I feel sympathy for this man and extrapolate from his posting style that he's probably something like lots of young men I have supported in the past, poor guidance from parents, lack of role models, exposed to violence, little educational opportunities but none of that changes the fact that he (and his gf seemingly) are violent to each other, fail to acknowledge it and put their baby at risk.

Not really sure what to say other than other posters are giving good advice am currently going through situation with expartner with DV and even though am not with him and he doesn't live me they were out yesterday and more or less threatened to take child away if a go back near him which I am not but a am adult a made that choice myself not by ss they need be chasing my sons dead beat dad abuser so just goes by they can't do their job properly and do get it wrong sometimes theirs innocent people get struck by them all time in my case am getting visited when it should be my sons father who should be arrested and chased down by ss theirself although they police can't find him so that's big reason why but know how oPp feels they come out tell u what to do a made that decision myself u don't need them telling u a think they feel they own people yes people need ss do need some family's and to help children but they think their god as the two police officers that are dealing with my case said they do get it wrong just a wee message too opp keep ur head up listen to them and do what u have to do for ur child they are a blessing and never asked for this so just do whatever it takes for ur ds/dd

You can get a non molestation order on allegations alone if the other side doesn't turn up to court. And as respondents to these applications have no access to public funding for legal advice, it's not surprising so many don't.

It sounds as though both parents here have behaved very badly and both put their child at risk. So why reserve criticism and abuse for just one half do the relationship?

Lovebeingamumma

Social services don't have the power of arrest so I'm not sure why you think they should be hunting him down and arresting him when you say the police can't find him.

I'm glad you made the decision to stay away from your ex by yourself, that means it's more likely to stick. But if you hadn't done so social services and the courts might have made the decision for you. And rightly so I'm afraid.

Spero if you are directing that at me, I'm not. It seems as though both parents were violent and lack parenting capacity. However he is the one on here talking about running away with a gf who don't forget apparently has a non mol against him and has no contact with him. More holes than a colander that story.

More holes than a colander that story.

They could have previously discussed the possibility of fleeing.

He could have reason to think she is under pressure to seek the non mol etc.

He could conceivably believe what he purports to believe.

Quite credible.

Which isn't to say that it is wise for them to be in contact, ;et alone go on the run. Or that she still wants to.

I'm surprised at most of your replies! How can you make so many judgements ? I doubt any of you are helping but how insane to say to the OP not to start this tread . Lots of other threads on Here are totally pointless just people making a drama. This OP sounds like just asking for help as lost the way somehow . Has the humanity gone out of mumsnet ?

Look - if you run away with your wife and your child you could very well be arrested.

A few things:

If your wife hasn't been in contact, how do you know she wants to run away with you? That's just something that isn't clear. If you run away with her, the chances are that she will say that you abducted her, or otherwise forced her to go with you. That could very easily lead to a jail term for you.

If you run with just the child then social services are going to see that as the strongest possible evidence that they are trying to obstruct them doing their jobs. Look in the last thread I said you needed to start looking at this from a perspective of "They want what is best for my child. I also want what's best for my child [Presumably]. What can I do to show them that I am a capable, trustworthy parent?".

I never said it was going to be instantaneous. It will take time and effort, just like anything in parenting. And I don't doubt how terrifying it must be to have the threat of your child being taken from you.

But look - You cannot simply keep denying that there are any problems, that the world is against you, and that this is all a big lie. Because if you do that, you are telling them and everyone else "there are no problems, therefore nothing needs to change".

The fact that social services are even considering taking your child from both your care should be a massive wake up call for you. There is something quite clearly very wrong with your relationship with your partner right now.

You need to work out what you can do to fix it in order to provide a home that objective bystanders would agree is safe.

What you cannot and should not do is give social services the message that the welfare of your child is not important to you, provided you get to stay with them. I'm sorry, but it doesn't work like that.

Look, in your last message you said that you were worried that your partner would harm themselves and possible the child as well. If anything this news should be a huge relief to you. Social services have agreed with you that she isn't suitable to be looking after your child right now. I don't understand how someone agreeing with something you yourself said is suddenly them being the bad guy.

No am not saying ss are trying to arrest him a mean the police can't find him as he's went away from the new gfs or ss said they'd be visiting as she has child that isn't his but because he's still under same roof as child a think their obviously gonna warn her also what to do a know they can't arrest a meant they can't visit him until the police get hold off him yeah a know they make decisions for people but sadly even as the police said they get it wrong a think they think were all scum they can see me n my son are fine and he's a well looked after happy thriving child they need to be going seeing people that clearly need their help but yes a made the decision myself to no contact but obviously their making it clear what would happen other wise even my officers that are dealing with my case said they ss do annoy the daylights out them sometimes so even police know they get it wrong and shouldn't get on their high horse but thanks for the reply and understand ur points off view and opinion thanks xx

Lovebeingmumma12 (weird feels like I'm talking to myself), you do realise that if this was your thread you would be giving advise to your ex.

I think if your girlfriend took out a non molestation order, and hasn't contacted you, you're not going to be running anywhere with her.

It sounds like a very volatile relationship op, honestly, please listen....

Get your head together, you and her DO NOT work at the minute, the baby would not Live in a happy healthy house would it? You know that's true.

So, calm down, do what ss say, and work on yourself to get in a better place emotionally to be a good father.

Although I'd be amazed if you are still reading after some disgusting posts.

I have no new advice as such as I have no experience with SS.

OP, you have received some good advice on both threads and all I would say is, even if it takes a very long time, surely the best course of action would be to do everything along with SS to try and provide a stable situation for your family-whether that be as one unit or a divided one.

The attitude of some posters on both of these threads is sickening.

A person is reaching out for help. If you do not have anything constructive to say or do not believe the OP, why not just hide the thread and avoid it?

It wouldn't be giving advice to my ex atall my ex got one hasn't got a brain cell to think about a forum like this and two is a deadbeat dad he doesn't care never has bothered to see our son let him down since he was two weeks old all a can see in ths thread is a man who loves his child and am not judging as a said ss can get it wrong in my case police have all evidence a know what happened happened and a know he wouldn't fight ss or anyone fr our child as he doesn't give two hoots my situation is differant from this opps but a can see what u meant a haven't fully read his threads a just wanted to put my point through about ss xx

For one hasn't got a brain cell *

Those of you that are judging the OP for his writing style, grammar or punctuation, would be horrified to read an internal SS email that I saw recently.

That email, written by one snr social worker to another snr social worker is barely intelligible and riddled with spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, lack of punctuation and factual errors. The OPs posts on here are much better written.

If you are applying rational, forensic analysis to these kind of stories they yes, they will be 'full of holes'.

because that is probably what their LIVES are like. Up and down, emotional and violent abuse. one minute in love, the next minute the police are at the door.

Are some people on here really so sheltered from the world 'out there' that they just can't understand how some other people live?

I am not saying that you condone it and think it fab and leave children to suffer BUT if you are not even prepared to consider how dangerous it can be to just see everything through the lens of simply your own experience and how you would react, then you are part of the problem here.

And this is a general 'you', not having a pop at anyone in particular although I think some deserve it.

Right you can't run away. You just can't. You're clearly panicking but just stop for a minute and breath.

what have social services actually said to you?

They might just be putting your son in foster care while giving you both supervised visits in a contact centre while you both get your acts together and prove you're good enough to get him back.

If that's the case then all running away would do is to ensure you child is taken away permanently.

Leave your GF. Just leave her now, that's done, you can't parent effectively when you're together, leave her family, cut them all out.

Get yourself a job, get yourself some friends and healthy hobbies, make your home a good environment, follow what social services say to the letter and never go against them or argue with them. And then eventually you might be able to get your son back.

Concentrate on being a better, calmer person, and being a better dad.

Do not try for a relationship with your GF or anyone, just focus on you.

Speedo you say this isn't directed at anyone but you seem to be referencing my posts. I'm a social worker, I know everything you are saying.
The point of stating that the story was full of holes was simply to point out that the story wasn't consistent and therefore shouldn't be taken on face value.

OP. I am a SW and work in child protection. I can assure you that by running away you will only make your problems worse. I ready some of your other thread and didn't reply because the things you were saying were things i hear from people i work with all the time.

If you feel you pose no threat to your family then prove this by working with SW and adhering to whatever is in the plan drawn up for your child. If this means staying away from the family and only seeing your child supervised then do this.

Please don't hide things from SW or go against the plans. It will not end well if you do. These plans from my experience, are multi agency plans so health, police etc will al be involved and they must all have concerns.

If anything you need to be more transparent and provide evidence that you are a good dad. At the end of the day the only person that matters in all of this is your child and their safety and if you can accept that all of you are working towards the same goal then you will have taken a massive step in the right direction.

No matter where you run you will be found. Don't do it or you risk losing your child forever.

Spero obvs not speedo!