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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

how can i run away from social servies ?

89 replies

Familyjustice2014 · 09/07/2014 01:14

how can we run away from social servies ?

or can we just change our names by deep poll and leave this city and live some where else ?

or could the police find us ?

we have a son toghther and we are just sick of social servies we want to run away

OP posts:

ArcheryAnnie · 09/07/2014 03:17

You can't run away. You will be found, and your chances of ever seeing your son again, much less having a happy, continuing relationship with him, will be severely diminished.

Take the advice given to you on the other thread. Social services, however much you hate them, are there for your son. If you love your son as much as you say you do, then let them do their job. And do your job, by working towards being a father your son can be proud of.

expatinscotland · 09/07/2014 04:10

Poor kid.

Hope he finds a better home away from violence.

CillaBlacksOrangeBouffant · 09/07/2014 05:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/07/2014 05:37

Anyone with an ounce of intelligence would work with Social Services rather than think they could simply run away.

LoveBeingInTheSun · 09/07/2014 05:43

Yeah running away is gonna help loads isn't it!

How about sticking with supervised contact and not being with your girlfriend? If you've not done any of the things that got you arrested 4 times, got your girlfriend and baby put into a protected location and she tried to stab you, I'm going to suggest this is not a healthy relationship for any of you. Start putting the baby first and stop him being in the middle of all this crap.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 05:54

McBear · 09/07/2014 06:09

I haven't read the other thread yet but I will. It's obviously very important.

If you are blaming social services for this situation, then I can't see it getting better. Both that and the fact that you want to run away make it sound like you are immature and do not want to handle the situation correctly.

At the minute, this child is not in good hands. I'd hope you can see that. Only you can change that and your attitude towards this whole thing seriously needs to change! I can see it's scary but you need to grow up a bit. This is no ones fault but the two of you!

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 06:17

I'm reading the other thread now and I'm confused about why he is getting abuse TBH.

You can't run away OP. It will make things worse

You have been told SS are applying for an order? What exactly were you told?

lunar1 · 09/07/2014 06:25

Op, you need to jump through all ss hoops. Do exactly as they ask of you regarding contact. It may take some time but you need to prove to them that you can be trusted. Don't you, they will find you and take your child.

Spero · 09/07/2014 07:07

I think if someone is a troll then calling them names and being abusive is giving them exactly what they want - a reaction from you, so why do it?

If someone isn't a troll, then giving out abuse on a thread like this makes YOU the troll and you need to have a think about why you do it.

I know the op has had a lot of good advice. Sadly it is not impossible that he is too scared, confused, upset, unable to understand to take it in. If he is deprived of legal advice but has to come on the internet - where there are very many groups of people only too happy to tell him what he wants to hear - his attitude doesn't surprise me.

I think blunt and straightforward advice can be helpful but insults and goading are just crap.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/07/2014 07:22

He may be scared, confused and upset but he is also very aggressive and lashing out on the page. If this is a reflection of his behaviour IRL it's easy to see why SS have stepped in, removed the child, believed the ex & why he was arrested and so forth. It's making SS's case for them

He has to calm down & not rise to any goading, whether it's on this website or IRL. He doesn't sound very old, he's obviously of limited intelligence, and his current tactics of 'fight' or 'flight' are understandable but totally counter-productive.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 07:24

But Cog, upthread for example, someone told him not to be a dick, he responded in kind, HE got labelled aggressive.

Look at how the thread gets started. And the other one with the bizarre Kim Jong Il post as a first response.

LIZS · 09/07/2014 07:31

It won't help anyone least of all the baby . Sorry but I'm not clear why you think there is a future in such a volatile relationship and how this could be a good environment to raise a child. SS are not responsible for keeping your family apart, you and gf need help to address this behaviour first.

Spero · 09/07/2014 07:31

I assume from what he is saying and how he is saying it, this was not a man who grew up with someone making sure he looked after himself and knew he was loved.

Sorry op for talking about you if you are not there and sorry if my assumptions are wrong.

Aggressive adults are usually made, not born. And aggression is very often a mask for fear. Being abusive to some one who has come asking for help solves nothing and just increases to the general total of misery and confusion in the world.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/07/2014 07:33

This is an internet forum, not a support group, and he started his last thread with a rambling and angry story which basically boiled down to him being arrested and his ex being removed with a baby to a place of safety. That's not going to get anyone a sympathetic response on MN, let's face it.

The OP's problem - if he is to be believed - is that he and his ex are a toxic couple, goading, fighting, drawing knives, making false reports and all the rest. He is in trouble because he rose to the bait. He has limited access to his DS because he is considered unfit to be in sole charge of a child. He has to calm down, start thinking, stop lashing out and he could practise doing that by not rising to the bait on an internet forum.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 07:36

He has to calm down & not rise to any goading

But yes he needs to learn to calm down.
.

Chopstheduck · 09/07/2014 07:38

The only way you are going to get through this is work WITH ss. I know how hard it is, I have been there. Our family came through it better and stronger for it. This sort of attitude won't achieve anything, and you will run a real risk of losing your child permanently.

Have you had an initial case conference yet? You need to attend that and tell social services you want to work through this and be prepared to do whatever they ask.

Spero · 09/07/2014 07:38

There are alternatives to mindless 'sympathy' which do not involve abuse.

I have said I think blunt advice is good.

This is not a counselling session but we are all human beings and of we can't be bothered to have even one ounce of compassion or attempt to understand what others are going through, there are many other fora where this robust and abusive style will be welcomed. Pay them a visit and see how well that turns out for everyone.

Last one I saw, the police were called and computers seized.

FidelineAndBombazine · 09/07/2014 07:40

and he started his last thread with a rambling and angry story which basically boiled down to him being arrested and his ex being removed with a baby to a place of safety. That's not going to get anyone a sympathetic response on MN, let's face it.

I suspect an apparently female poster with a similar story would have got a more measured response designed to draw out the detail.

If being threatened with the loss of a child doesn't go part way to explaining a distressed and rambling posting style, then I'll be jiggered if I know what does.

And yes what Spero said. Sorry OP

Vivacia · 09/07/2014 07:42

I agree with Spero.

Dirtybadger · 09/07/2014 07:43

If you run away; when you are caught, your child will probably be removed. Perhaps your child will be adopted- the running away makes it more likely SS will not consider you or your ex girlfriends suitable parents (ever). Once adopted, you will have no contact with your child.

Don't run away; risk the baby being removed. Run a much lower risk of the baby being adopted. Comply with SS and have (limited) access to your children for a good period of time before some limitations may be removed (if you comply and can show that you're capable of that responsibility).

In the second scenario you are not with your ex. The relationship will not work. It's toxic. If you love your child, focus on them (not your ex!).

QuintessentiallyQS · 09/07/2014 07:44

Social services are there to help your child, you would be wise to be on their side with the same goal as them -
Help your child.

Sometimes it becomes clear that the best thing to do to help a child is remove it from the parents.

It would especially be unwise ringing away with the child, when the media is full of child abuse and neglect stories. Just yesterday news from the trial of that mum in Scotland started seeping out. SS knows that parents are not always good at parenting.

YouAreMyRain · 09/07/2014 07:48

What spero and fideline said.

A female OP would have had much more sympathy.

The OP PMd me a few times and was very courteous although obviously distressed. I think he has been treated unfairly on here.

YouAreMyRain · 09/07/2014 07:53

I am quite shocked that the OP has been attacked for being "thick" and "of limited intelligence" on here. That is just MN snobbery at it's worse. Intelligence does not guarantee being a good parent and it's is something that the OP has no control of anyway.

It resembles playground bullying the way that people have ganged up against a distressed person asking for help.

Goldmandra · 09/07/2014 08:00

SS look for reasons to keep families together.

If you want to keep your child, give them those reasons.

Listen to their concerns and make it clear that you are making an effort to ensure that your baby will be safe with you.

Taking children into care costs money and causes disruption to the child. They don't do it if they can find a way to keep the family together.

If you are clearly trying to change the things that concern them, you will have a much better chance of staying in contact with your baby.

If you run away they will have to assume that you are hiding something from them and have no intention of keeping the baby safe. Then they will have to take him away to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

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