social servies has destroyed our family

[Familyjustice2014]

hi in jan me and my girlfriend had an argument which next door neighbours called the police and i got arrested and i got relisead no futher action but social servies got involed and had already removed my girlfriend and our 1 month old baby and took them to her mums house but when i seen my gf she said she was sorry and they told her to move away and she was really scraed couple of days later she said she wants to move back in as she dont like her mum but she said social servies told her if she moves back they take our son away and i was only allowed to have superviesed contact with my son and my gf mum was spose to supervised the visit and she dosent like me at all so she didt let me in so i asked social servies if my dad can do the suprevised contact and they could come back and live with me and my dad be with us 24 hours they said he has to pass police check which we waited for 4 weeks and my gf mother didt like the idea so she kicked them both out and i pickd up and the next day social servies said we broken the rule and she wasent suppose to come back but where can she go if shes been kicked out so they forced to go back to her mums house then i got arrested agian for making threats which i never did
then they moved my gf and our baby to a mother nad baby unit in an secrate location i was only allowed to see my baby for 1 hour a week but after a week my gf turend up at my house and she was crying and saying she dosent like that house so i calmed her down she came to me almost everydy in secrate but 2 days before her 3 months assesment has finished they found out she was comming and they failed her and they failed me for not sharing information about she was coming to see me and thn a week later i resvied an non molestion order against me and my gf has made up lies about me and im 100 % sure she has been forced to do this as they have told her she will lose our baby if she dosent listen to them and split up with me and social servies are saying u nee dto forget about her and she dosent want to be with me but i know this is not true because she was coming to me in secrate and i have photo to prove it and i have text masseges that she said she cant hadle it in there and they are forcing her to split up with me i have attended court for th enon molestion order i have contest it i have to go back to court agian in about 1 month and im really confused wat to do on my gf statement said i have been hitting her and being volient to her but this is not true and i can prove that if i was so bad person why would she come with me andwhen we are all happy toghther the social servies wouldt leave us alone and her mum is backing her story up and she dosent like me since the day i said i wana stand up in my own feet and got a house toghther so shes trying to take them away from me social servies are nasty people they twist and turn things how the hell can they get away with it how can i take them to court ? and tell them to get away from us and how can i get my gf and my baby to come back home so we can be a family ? they have taken away her phone they have made her lie in court what can i do and i cant get silicitor as i dont have any money please help

If his mum and dad split up it will NOT have a big impact on him, seeing arguments WILL have a big impact on him.

My and my little boys dad argued constantly. We split up when he was 4 months old and now we co-parent but live completely separate lives. We don't argue anymore because we aren't together. It's the best thing we ever could have done for Our baby.

You need to split up for your baby, or he will be taken into care. That's the top and tail of it. The rest is your choice

It will hurt your child more to be put into care and grow up to think his Dad didn't care enough for him as to put him first.

Just to clarify SS weren't involved in our situation, we just realised that arguing around a baby didn't make for a good environment for him and so split up and sorted out contact ourselves.

What destroys children is not having two parents under different roofs. It's having to grow up in an environment without love and where there are things like conflict, neglect, aggression, etc going on around them, causing them distress. When your DS is with you he will be loved and cared for.

What was your own childhood like? How did you relate to your Dad? How old are you now?

thank you all for your advice but i know she cant handle it in those place but ss would not listen she will jut lose it and kill her self and maybe my son

i have offerd why cant u get my son away from her and give him to me they said no they are doing an assesment on her so i dont have to worry about anything

then i said to them is how are u doing your assesmnt that when she was in th eunit for 3 months out of the 3 months she came to my house for 70 days under your noses and u didt know

so what can i do now to get my baby with me ? because i dont trust the ss or any of there asesment and i have proof she was coming to me and i hae text masseges saying she will kill her self when she was in them units and i always calmed her down and said think possitive we will be back toghther and she would be calm but then agian she would say she wil kill her selfg i have photo and massegs for proof so what can i do now to get my son away from her

if his mum and dad have split up it will have a massive impact on him when he grows up and i just cant stand to watch him grow up like that and it will destroy him

No, it won't. What will have a massive impact on him is seeing his parents fight, and seeing violence.

You can't control how anyone else behaves. You can only control how you behave. So, follow all the instructions that the SS have given you to the letter, and try and be as good a person and a role model as you can be. It's not about what you want, it's about what is good for your child.

Well I guess then your son will be taken into care if you don't do as they ask, and explain things to them (saying no instead of explaining why you didn't want dirt in the child's mouth).

SS said they are assessing Mum, so it may sound like ss may start care proceedings, as both of you can't keep away from each other, and think more about having a dramaram relationship with each other than the child.

In my opinion you are better just focusing on your relationship with your son. Going to the centre and your classes. Let them focus on her.

And your son won't be 'destroyed' it's all he will ever know and by the sounds of it thank god for that.

With all respect my mother and father had SS step in. I was unlucky enough to remember a lot of extremely violent fights. I was taken away and am still to this day eternally grateful that that part of my life ended then. I have horrific memories and it has made a negative impact on my life - trust, control issues even now, despite the worst of it finishing when I was 6.
I was safer and able to build a normal view of the world without my parents, as they weren't being good parents at the time. As I said I am still thankful as I doubt I would be here if this hadn't happened.

You can't just get your son taken off her either. SS are doing their jobs and if you work with them over time you will gain access. You need to prove yourself to be responsible now.

OP, next time and every time your hopefully ExGF sends messages threatening to harm herself and your son, contact the police, her residential unit and SS. They are the only ones who can protect your son right now.

I know you say you can't trust SS now, but you have no other option (and they did take your complaint on board and change your social worker). In the meantime check out mankind.org.uk and see what help you can get to break free from your Prince Charming Complex and get into a position whereby you can properly support and protect your son.

With the new information that you've given I don't either you or your partner are suitable parents.

I will say to you though that social services cannot force people to say things against their will. They do not strap them up and torture them into saying things. People say things of their own volition. It sounds like you might not believe this...but your partner is a human being with her own mind. I'm not saying that she is telling the truth, but she certainly isn't being forced to say anything. Maybe she has shocking mental health problems (giving you the benefit of the doubt there) - this isn't something that social services simply won't notice.

If you partner was truly unhappy and social services were locking her in a room to prevent her leaving that would be false imprisonment.

Look. Social services are trying to do their job, which is protect your child. Try and see this in a positive light which might help you work with them. Take it from the base line of "they are doing what they thing best serves the interest of my child. What can I do to assure them that my being involved in their life is part of that".

Work with them, not against them.

Its a shock when u first see thatSS have more rights over your child than you do but this is the reality and you have to obey them in everything. If you go behind their back, fight them or disobey them then you will lose because yes they are god at the moment and no you have no power. They are doing this to protect your son and whether you agree or not makes no difference, the law is behind them and they will do whatever it takes. This is hard but you must do it. Do everything they say and don't argue or get angry, even if you are boiling inside, they have all the power.

As others are saying, this will take a while to sort out so do exactly what you're told and be compliant in everything. It's hard but you have no choice.

Familyjustice, can I ask how old you are?

i know i have to do everything but im in our ouse its just empty im actully going mental i cant sleep or eat i love my family and she has learned abig lesson from her mistakes and i have learned a lot aswell its just sad i have nobody just them 2 my son is now 7 months and and mising out when his growing up these moments i can never get back and that just kills me
and im 23

What is your evidence that she has learned from her mistakes OP?

Take the advice that's being offered. Forget about any relationship with your child's mother and keep doing everything that social services are asking you to do. The ladies above do knows what they're talking about. Take your needs out of the equation and concentrate on the needs of your child.

You cannot be with your ex girlfriend. I know it hurts but you cannot be a family together the three of you.

If she tried to stab you and has lied to you then it doesn't like she treated you very well.

You need to prove to SS that you are over her and just want what is best for your son.

SS have decided that you and her together are not good for your son.

They will not change their mind about this. You have to stop saying that you want to get back together with her. This makes it look like you are not listening to them.

Your son will not grow up with the three of you as a family unit. That is to protect him from violence and arguments. He needs to be around adults that are calm and caring not shouting and fighting.

You have done some good things, especially with your volunteering etc. and it is clear that you love your son.

If you are unable to sleep etc it may be a good idea to speak to your doctor.

Please forget about any relationship with your ex and do everything that SS ask you. Like other people have said, keep a note of everything you are doing to improve your life with dates etc and email social workers every time you speak to them to sum up what has been said.

Keep focussing on putting your sons best interests first. Good luck

youaremyrain thanks for the advice but thishas gone on for 6 months and i have been to doctor and everything i try to keep busy so i dont think about it much but when i go out and i see kids with there mums and dad in parks it just breaks me down when i see any kids happy with there families i always ask wher ei smine its soooo hard

Its too late the damage is done, you both sound more bothered about each other than the child. All your bothered about is being with your girlfriend when ss have told you no. She sneaking about when she has been told no. Its simply not going to happen due to fighting and knives being drawn. You can be together without the child or you can leave them alone and the kid can stay with its mother if she is deemed to be safe.

I know it is hard but please believe everyone who tells you that your only hope of having a future with your son is to forget your girlfriend and do everything that SS ask.

You could be that parent in the park with your son one day but it is a long road and you have to listen to SS and stay strong and make those changes.

ok so what shall i do in my court day i have an non molestion order agianst me and i didt accept it

I'm sorry I have no knowledge or experience of that.

Try www.childrenslegalcentre.com they have legal advice lines.

i wanted to ask u something else but i dont want to put it on here how can i contact u

I think the best you can do re the non-mol is just comply with it, however unfair you feel it is (and I can understand why you'd feel that way.) If you truly want to be that happy daddy in the park with your ds, you're going to have to suck up a lot of shite you won't like; supervised access, the lot. You can prove you'll be a good parent, but, sadly for you, there will be hoops to jump through. All you can say is, "How high?" and then do it.