social servies has destroyed our family

[Familyjustice2014]

hi in jan me and my girlfriend had an argument which next door neighbours called the police and i got arrested and i got relisead no futher action but social servies got involed and had already removed my girlfriend and our 1 month old baby and took them to her mums house but when i seen my gf she said she was sorry and they told her to move away and she was really scraed couple of days later she said she wants to move back in as she dont like her mum but she said social servies told her if she moves back they take our son away and i was only allowed to have superviesed contact with my son and my gf mum was spose to supervised the visit and she dosent like me at all so she didt let me in so i asked social servies if my dad can do the suprevised contact and they could come back and live with me and my dad be with us 24 hours they said he has to pass police check which we waited for 4 weeks and my gf mother didt like the idea so she kicked them both out and i pickd up and the next day social servies said we broken the rule and she wasent suppose to come back but where can she go if shes been kicked out so they forced to go back to her mums house then i got arrested agian for making threats which i never did
then they moved my gf and our baby to a mother nad baby unit in an secrate location i was only allowed to see my baby for 1 hour a week but after a week my gf turend up at my house and she was crying and saying she dosent like that house so i calmed her down she came to me almost everydy in secrate but 2 days before her 3 months assesment has finished they found out she was comming and they failed her and they failed me for not sharing information about she was coming to see me and thn a week later i resvied an non molestion order against me and my gf has made up lies about me and im 100 % sure she has been forced to do this as they have told her she will lose our baby if she dosent listen to them and split up with me and social servies are saying u nee dto forget about her and she dosent want to be with me but i know this is not true because she was coming to me in secrate and i have photo to prove it and i have text masseges that she said she cant hadle it in there and they are forcing her to split up with me i have attended court for th enon molestion order i have contest it i have to go back to court agian in about 1 month and im really confused wat to do on my gf statement said i have been hitting her and being volient to her but this is not true and i can prove that if i was so bad person why would she come with me andwhen we are all happy toghther the social servies wouldt leave us alone and her mum is backing her story up and she dosent like me since the day i said i wana stand up in my own feet and got a house toghther so shes trying to take them away from me social servies are nasty people they twist and turn things how the hell can they get away with it how can i take them to court ? and tell them to get away from us and how can i get my gf and my baby to come back home so we can be a family ? they have taken away her phone they have made her lie in court what can i do and i cant get silicitor as i dont have any money please help

ok say if i did all of this what is the end of it ? will the social servies back off ?
will they let us be a family agian ?

because to be frankly honest this is just torcher for my child for him to get picked up from sw to be put in car to come to contact center in an locked room for 1 hour and then go back in the car and back to his mum this is just human tourcher

Your son is only 1 month old. You have time on your side here because he won't remember anything of this part of his life. If you're being falsely accused you have to be above reproach and demonstrate that with your behaviour. Comply fully with Social Services, comply with the non-molestation order, stay away from your ex, keep your nose clean with the police, do your job, pay maintenance towards your son ... basically live a decent life. If you have said you'll go for counselling, do it. Be a good member of your community and get to know some influential people that can vouch for you if necessary. You're a father for life so be intelligent about it, park the anger, find your dignity and play the long game.

Social Services have a duty to keep your son safe and that's exactly the same thing that you want. They don't want to break up families.

Legal aid is not available in family court matters and this is family court. The only exception is if the person applying has been at the receiving end of Domestic Abuse.

The OP has no trail saying that he is a victim of Domestic Violence so is not eligible for legal aid

FamilyJustice2014 - I think a lot of things have got out of control here. It is really, really exceptional for a mother and child to be taken away because it costs the SS money and they have restricted budgets. Whatever has been happening, you now have to be really icy, document everything. Whenever you speak to the SS/legal people from the other side, make sure that they are aware you are making notes - and make the notes. Email and write to confirm what was discussed, ie thank you for your time in the meeting on x date. x was agreed and I have undertaken to do y. As discussed I have already complied with x request... If you can get someone older and very calm, take them with you as a witness to any meeting.

You have to be really cold and careful, because your child depends on you.

You may be able to get advice from the CAB but be careful about some of the father's organisations. Some are great and some are not so great.

Good luck.

x post. I belive that they usually start off in contact centres and then work to you having unsupervised contact then regular contact. Stay icy, write everything down in date and time order. You have to be careful because if your child's mother is the sort to try and stab someone that child needs to know that someone in their life is solid.

It may be torture but you have to accept it for now. The more you kick and fight, the more they'll treat you as a hot-head troublemaker and the more they'll believe the lies against you. If you are a reasonable man and you show them in those 1 hour locked room sessions that you are kind, gentle and that you love and care for your little boy, then you will get more access as time goes on. Be persuasive, not argumentative.

Yes you and your child can be a family again OP, IF you go on courses, go to counselling, pay CSA and have no more to to do with your ex. Let her come running after you all she wants, you have to be the strong one here.

You and your ex are not good for each other. In a few years time you can try and be friends, not now. You can find a nice lady instead, you can have a nice life with, who you can live a life where you do not row that the police get callled.

his now 7 months old and
i have been to my gp he has giving me some tablets
i have been to strenth to change claases
i have been registerd for parenting clases
am going to counceling
i am going to all my vitis to my son
i am working vouletery in an charity shop
i have applied to work with disabled kids
i have kept away from her mother house
i havent contacted her
i have listed and done what ever social servies has asked e to do
i buy him cloths food and put money in her account
i have done everything all i want is to be happy with my family and my son to have a mum and a dad

Then stop forgiving her OP. According to you she is a drug taking, suicidal, homicidal liar who physically abused and tried to kill you. Is that what you want for yourself? Is that what you want your son growing up with?

If I read OP right, your DC was one month old in January so is about 8 months now?

It is not 'torture' from his pov to be taken to a centre for supervised access.

All good, I hope the parenting class goes well.

sort out the CSA that way it is all recorded and you don't have contact with your ex, give her the control to choose clothes and food not you.

Your child has a Mum and Dad, they don't live together because they fight and cause a lot of drama when they are together, so they live apart.

Sending good vibes.

I don't think you are going to get a family with you and her and your son. I think that will never happen. I'm really sorry.

Now it is about you and your son. Good luck

Sorry, x-posted (thread moving fast).

Your son has a mum and a dad. Like a lot of other children, mum and dad might not live under the same roof, but that's not a problem for him because he doesn't know any different. It's just an observation but, with Social Services involved in his life, he now has a mum and a dad that are both sorting themselves out... which has to be better than the appalling mess it was in January

OP, you are doing really well. Can you now accept it wasn't ss that ruined your relationship, it was you and your ex. SS are trying to keep your child safe.

As a human can you see why people may feel you and your ex are not suited, you cause harm to a baby?

As tax payers you have cost us a lot in police, courts, and social services, all because of the way the pair of you behave with your drama's. Nobody wants you together as you are toxic together and making a toxic environment for an innocent child.

thanks for your advice but as u seen the first few comments as they didt know the full story they think am a bad person i swear to god i didt do nothing and if i ever argued with ss was because they kept accusing me
and also they have chnaged the social worker because i made a compline and the new social worker failed my assesemnt because the contact officer had said i dont listen to them but excuse me this is my fist child but my child droped his teething toy on the floor and she said give it back to him so he can put it in his mouth but i said no and just because of that they have failed me but the reason i didt give it to him wa sthe flor was dirty and it wasnet clean and u just cant go agianst them because they are always right no matter what i think its time to take this powers of god away from these social servies i love my son and il do anything for him and my gf she has had a bad child hood and drug abuse and i helped her to stoip the drugs and i could see her eyes she didt mean to pick up a knife and stab me it was just her mum bullying her i love her soo much and i know it sound stupid i still do but i just wanted them home to be llike a family and i know u saying i should get another wmen but im not like that she is my first love and i wil always love her and my son i hope we can work things out but i know in the ss eyes we have to split up so i agreed to it and now im just thinking about my son
but could i take social servies to court for twisting everything

It really doesn't sound as if you should all be "together as a family" (ie living under the same roof) again. It sounds as if that would not be very healthy for your child if there are fights and arguments.

If you are a parent in care proceedings you will get non means and non merits tested legal aid.

But if it's not care proceedings then you are very unlikely to get public funding.

You might find some links here that could help you get some legal advice/help

www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/what-if-i-dont-have-a-lawyer/

Nothing to say on the OP, but kaykayblue that was a brilliant analogy!

Just to echo that Social Services have had to step in here. I hope you realise that most families aren't as violent/aggressive as you and your ex were. If the police arrested you, you broke the law. This was not a stable set up to raise a child. As soon as you can see that this was not a safe situation for your child to be in, and possibly never will be (you getting back with ex), then you can start to change for the better. Sadly if you persist in attempting to re-attach to this volatile situation the chances are very high the aggressive pattern will continue, which in turn means Social Services will still not be happy to have your child suffer in it. There is a very sad program on BBC iplayer called "Murdered by my boyfriend" which is a true story and shows exactly what Social Services are concerned about. I don't know if I recommend you watch it, but this is clearly why Social Services step in, although they sadly didn't do so in the case of the film.
You need to draw a line under the relationship with your ex, focus on becoming a great dad and parent. You have to pay maintenance for your child, it is not for 'her' and you need to accept that too. Work on yourself, prove yourself to be a reliable and calm parent and Social Services will be happy for you to be in you childs life. This thread is full of great advice. Good luck.

And your child will become the same as his Mother if you don't get your act together, stay away from her etc.

Next time rather than say no, have you considered explaining nicely to the professional why you don't want your child to have dirt in his mouth?

Look OP, I believe you that professionals can twist things. Concentrate right now on reaching each goal and being consistant in seeing your child, and paying CSA. Keep away from your ex and lead a clean drama free life.

Next relationship you start, try to pick someone without the sort of baggage your ex has, so at least your son has a good female role model and you are not as likely to have such a dramarama relationship where police are called.

family are there any support groups in your area specifically aimed at fathers. This might be a good place for you to get both support and advice on how to proceed. What you have to remember is that social services are working in the best interests of your child and they will be at the centre of all decisions they make.

This might feel harsh and unjust to you at the moment but this is why you have to persevere with maintaining contact and proving yourself as a good father. Your SW will also be able to point you in the direction of other support services that may be able to help you with this difficult situation.

i have seen the program but the thing is with our sitition was just the oppisite i was the 1 who was getting abused by her and by her mum and now she thinks she has all the power and shes using them against me but im really confused she told me the ss made her do all those things i really just had enough with it all and i know what it is like if my child is growing up if his mum and dad have split up it will have a massive impact on him when he grows up and i just cant stand to watch him grow up like that and it will destroy him

Listen, no, you aren't going to all be able to be together as one family again.

You aren't. Certainly not in the near future.

That's just a fact. If you do then you'll probably lose your son.

So you have a choice, you can stay apart from the mother of your son, and see your son regularly and eventually build up to unsupervised contact.

Or

You can get back with your girlfriend and your son will be taken into care.

That's the way of it now, because of the violent argument you both had.

If I was you I'd choose to put my son first. Go on all the visits with your son and cut all contact with your ex. Not even a text. That way you'll be able to keep your son.

I know you love her and it's hard. But that's what happens when you have violent arguments with people in front of a baby.

You don't need a new woman right now, no one has suggested this. People have suggested that you concentrate on being a dad, cut all contact with your ex and that way you won't lose your son.

Im sorry you had a hard time on the beginning of this thread Family. If you were my son I would be very concerned for you. Your girlfriend is not to be trusted at the moment. If she had stabbed you she could have killed you. Its not her mothers fault, its her that picked up the knife. You don't do that to someone you say you love. I would also be very worried for the baby being with her. She does not seem of sound mind. You cant help her with regard to drugs. You just cant. She has to help herself to be clean forever. If she uses again then she is a danger to your baby.
Please keep your distance from her and try to change your own life around so that you can be with your son.