Accused of having no maternal instincts :-(

[fernley]

I was out on a long planned day out with friends on Sunday. Brunch with old friends. Had a text around 7pm from dh to say that ds (6) had broken his arm and they were at the hospital having a cast put on. DD (9) was safely at home with her cousin watching tv. I stayed for another 45 mins and said my goodbyes then went home to be greeted by a furious DH who accused me of having no maternal instincts and that I should have come immediately.

Very similar to a situation a couple of years ago when ds was full of a cold and I went to an activity day for a friends birthday which again had been planned for ages. DH was furious that I went.

I said that I thought we parented jointly and I knew there was nothing I could do at the hospital and that I called DD and she was fine so did not see the problem.

[Saganoren]

sky has it spot on, we just don't know enough as when the OP has returned she hasn't answered the many relevant questions.

[motherinferior]

Frankly the whole idea of 'maternal instincts' is a bit dodgy anyway. This isn't about instinct, it's about behaviour.

I've no idea what I'd do in your circs, frankly, but a competent other parent does rather remove the need to do all the hysterical wading through waist-deep rivers and swinging through the jungle that various posters have said they'd do (I always love the hyperbolic if entirely fictional self-sacrifice that these threads bring out).

Am also boggling at all the people who say surely her DH needed someone to hold his hand and soothe his brow.

[motherinferior]

And paint me gold and call me a Borgia, but I would not cancel an evening out for a child full of cold.

[OnlyLovers]

I couldn't agree more, mother. Mainly with the dodginess of the 'maternal instincts' idea, but with your whole post really.

[bibliomania]

Tbf, there is plenty of middle ground - people who aren't claiming that they'd drop everything, and that it would be perfectly understandable if you needed to stay with other dcs or weren't able to leave work BUT at the same time they probably wouldn't carry on chatting to some friends when they'd already been with them all day anyway.

[Twinklestein]

I totally agree MotherInferior.

The OP was called at 7pm by her husband and she left 45mins later.
Some posters have implied that the OP wasn't prepared to curtail an evening out. I fail to see how arriving 45 mins later than you would have done if you'd rushed home is somehow indicative of a dearth of motherly instinct.

It just tells you that such 'instincts' differ between people. Some posters would drop everything for a minor break and others wouldn't. The former camp see the latter as deficient in maternal feeling and the latter see the former as hysterical.

To state the bleedin' obvious, but it does seem to need saying, there is no set way of being a mother and if someone does it differently to you it doesn't mean they're doing it wrong.

Personally, I don't think choosing or not choosing to rush home in the event of a broken arm is particularly significant, and I am quite sure it indicates nothing about mothering skills either way.