DP just exploded and stormed out

[Itsunderthesofaffs]

We have a fair amount of stuff to deal with at the moment and he is feeling very stressed so I think it's a culmination of things but he just completed lost it at me. He started a new job not so long ago and is quite stressed he says.

He says he is behind at the moment and wants to start early and finish late. I asked him if this is going to be a regular thing as we have very small DCs and he went crazy saying things like stop winding me up, you're ring totally unfair asking me that you know I'm behind and haven't been in recently. He then proceeded to tell me it's a loaded question and next minute I'll accuse him of lying about it. We've had trust issues as he's lied before. He then proceeded tell me that I'll probably accuse him of shagging half the office and yes that's exactly what he will e doing.

I hadn't said a word during this entire outburst.

I'm now in another room pretending to be asleep.

I honestly don't know where this came from apart from us falling out this weekend over my upset at his general lack of support and understanding of my sheet and utter exhaustion due to looking after small DC with no support.

Any ideas?

It's not that unreasonable to ask a dp when their hours will settle if you're struggling to cope with little ones. Your dp's response wasn't helpful and stress may explain his response but it doesn't excuse it.

If you could access counselling for yourself then I think that would be a good place to start. Your anxiety could be exacerbating the problems in the relationship or the relationship could be causing the anxiety. It's impossible to tell or diagnose from the internet.

Exhaustion can also be very debilitating.

I guess it depends how the question was asked. Maybe her DH felt attacked by the question given their history.

To be fair they both seem pretty exhausted and are going round in circles.

I think you wouldn't be anxious if you weren't with him. He sounds horrid tbh.

many people with cancer do not have chemo as their is.a lot of controversy around it and that it is so depleting to the body that it in itself will kill them

Fair enough. My point was only that when people have physical illness, they will generally take medication to facilitate their recovery. A lot of people seem reluctant to do this when their health problem is mental.

I've been reading a few other relationships and the general consensus is if you have some sort of feeling something isn't above board then usually there is an 'OW' lurking about. Some posters here have even said as much.

It doesn't mean they are always right, though.

Thank you for all your replies.

He can be quite dismissive of how I feel which makes me incredibly angry mostly.

I've always had some level of anxiety in relationships but this is my first serious relationship and it's not a matter of just up and leaving. We are a family and sometimes actually extremely happy however it seems recently these moments are few and far between.

It's difficult to communicate with someone who shuts down the minute I express any desire to discuss anything other than practicalities. He tells me he loves me and does his eat to reassure me we are stable there is no one else but there is a constant underlying tension and it's makes me insecure and anxious. I'm confident in all other areas so I'm not quite sure what the best course of action is here.

Okay, so I'm going to go against the grain of millydots here, who seems to be promoting a Stepford wife approach to your situation, which is suppress your own emotions, smile sweetly, and blame any otherwise unacceptable behaviour from your OH on stress.

If you cannot talk to this man without it blowing into accusations about how ungrateful you are, or how useless you are or whatever, then you should leave. What is the point? Even if it isn't completely one sided (having a partner with depression is a big strain, as is being the sole earner), you both seem to be bringing out the worst in each other.

So leave. Take some time away from this toxic environment, away from the fights and accusations, and focus on two things:

1. Your children
2. Sorting out your PND.

Have you tried looking online for resources on PND? there is a lot of very helpful stuff out there, and you might be able to find a contact group. If the nurse you saw had a very bad bedside manner, you should consider writing a letter of complaint.

I'm not saying that you need to leave your partner permanently but there is just too much resentment at the moment for you to function. No wonder you're fucking anxious.

Speak to some of the organisations that others have listed. Speak to your family. Leave, and focus on yourself and the children. What you do in the long term about the relationship depends on getting those other two factors sorted out first.

Was this child planned? Since you were only together a year, I assume that it wasn't (sorry if that's a mistake). Was he happy about the pregnancy? To me it sounds like he resents you for "putting him" in this situation. Which is a douchebag attitude.