DP just exploded and stormed out

[Itsunderthesofaffs]

We have a fair amount of stuff to deal with at the moment and he is feeling very stressed so I think it's a culmination of things but he just completed lost it at me. He started a new job not so long ago and is quite stressed he says.

He says he is behind at the moment and wants to start early and finish late. I asked him if this is going to be a regular thing as we have very small DCs and he went crazy saying things like stop winding me up, you're ring totally unfair asking me that you know I'm behind and haven't been in recently. He then proceeded to tell me it's a loaded question and next minute I'll accuse him of lying about it. We've had trust issues as he's lied before. He then proceeded tell me that I'll probably accuse him of shagging half the office and yes that's exactly what he will e doing.

I hadn't said a word during this entire outburst.

I'm now in another room pretending to be asleep.

I honestly don't know where this came from apart from us falling out this weekend over my upset at his general lack of support and understanding of my sheet and utter exhaustion due to looking after small DC with no support.

Any ideas?

The anxiety is crippling and or never experienced anything like it. It started two years ago and it's reached the point where I'm convinced every cough is the end and every text e gets some conspiracy to leave me.

It's me isn't it it's not him :(

To be blunt if you don't pull together then your relationship will just get worse. This is no time to be stubborn. Do the opposite. Try and understand how he is feeling and you can bet that if you talk to him and tell him that you understand how stressed he is and you will do your best to support him, that he will turn around and say the same to you. It only takes one of you to start to change things and maybe in this case it needs to be you.

OP get help - see your GP and ask for some support. Medication, CBT referral - even just acknowledging how much you are struggling is a start. Many of us can empathise with it being hard. Whenever my other half is working his arse off, my life gets directly worse as I have to look after all three dc by myself (and work)! I have to take a lot of deep breaths to remind myself we are both pulling for the same team.

You both sound like you don't have much left in the tank to be kind to each other right now, as you're both in need of support. Maybe you would feel better if you got some support from elsewhere for a bit? Possibly he would too - chronic stress is also hard to manage without proper help sometimes.

Off to bed now but wish you luck.

It reads to me more like work stress and pressure of being the sole earner than an OW. He is working hard, getting behind, feeling the pressure and then it sounds to him like you are complaining about it, despite all his efforts. I can imagine my DH exploding at that one too (and has done on a few occasions)

Mine too Majestic

Just went to try and speak to him and he exploded again. Obviously tonight isn't a good night for either of us.

He says it's my fault he is so stressed. I do this not work. I am the one who creates the arguments and places added pressure on him.

I feel he doesn't have any idea the pressure I'm under either but because I don't work I'm not allowed to complain.

Leave him in his cave for now.
OP what do you expect him to do. If he needs to work extra hours to keep his job then he needs to. He cant help you much with the kids at the moment so you just have to get on with it, like we all do. We know its not easy but its the way it is.

What pressures are you under OP? Maybe we can help you to break it down a bit.

Please read through some of what has been said on this page.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me anymore. I've no confidence and leaving my flat makes me so stressed out these days.

Trust your instincts, I had the same thing happen to me and it turned out he was seeing ow.

Are you getting medical treatment for the anxiety? Do you have friends or family that can give you a break from the DCs? If you're in financial straits he has to be able to do his job to the best of his ability because that's the only money you've got coming in. If you're struggling to cope with domestic drudgery or if you are having MH problems, seek help. He may not be able to look after the DCs directly but I'm sure he'd support you getting assistance.

It's important to seek treatment for your anxiety. It's interesting that it started two years ago -could it be related to post natal depression? Once you have this under control it will be one hundred times easier to deal with relationship stress.

I did cbt as I had depression where my anxiety was affecting my sleep, very helpful stuff!

Do you have friends or family nearby to help a little while he is so stressed? If not, local children's centre with some activities and a friendly face or two?

What happened makemejump

We have also had the baby in our bed for six
Months. Yes yes NICE guidelines but she was in neonatal for a month.

Having children is a huge life change. You lose yourself and your identity. You need to find a way to climb out of this place your in. Small steps will eventually get you there. There are lots of good books that can help you to help yourself too.

Cogito

Thank you for your input I've seen you give some very goo advice and it's reassuring that you don't see much reason for there to be OW.

He is not the type to have flings so any sort of affair would be one which involves real emotion. Not sure which is worse though.

Thank you milly. That's exactly how I feel right now I must admit I'm not dealing with any of it gracefully.

Ginger

I went for a check up recently an was told I had severe post natal depression and sent down to a and e.

The nurse was abrupt and I felt do awkward and uncomfortable so I left. I suppose it's chin up girl jut get on with it from all sides. I'm trying to I really am but I'm constantly worrying he may end up falling for someone more interesting and less 'used up'. It sounds terrible on paper. Now I've had children I've seved my purpose to on the shelf you go.

Sorry for all the posts I'm under the covers on my phone. Like a children with a book and a flashlight.

I've just read my last post and it's come out all wrong. I look at other women and they all seem to capable with their children an they families and I feel like I'm going through the motions and not getting any of it right.

You need to find different ways to deal with your anxiety. If you were a single Mum then you would just have to get on with it. I remember being bad when my too were young. I had counselling at it turned my life around and gave me the tools to help myself. Most of us agree he is not having an affair although your anxiety may make you focus on that possibility too much.

I'm glad to here that it's me focusing on well probably obsessing about worst case scenario.

I was a single mum. I have an older child too which is why I can't understand why I'm being so bogged down by it all.

I went through anxiety problems too. Counselling gave me the tools to deal with it. That nurse should be ashamed. Do you want medication.