mum took DCs to see my abusive dad (sensitive)

[wilddogbert]

Sorry there may be a lot of background my DH had to go to work and now I am sitting here thinking about it all.

So my dad was physically and emotionally abusive throughout my childhood (I also have a brother) my mum just ignored it and let him carry on. I left as soon as I could and met my DH. They moved to another country shortly after this.
I eventually told my DH about the abuse and we agreed never to have contact.

Then a year ago mum got back in touch and moved back to the area. She said she had left my dad, she got herself a flat and her first job. We gradually began talking again she said she was sorry for everything. She became a part of our lives again.

My mum has been having the DCs by herself for a few hours a month and the DCs love seeing her. She called a few days ago and asked if she could pick them up from school and take them out for tea to give me and DH a bit of time together. I said great and we arranged it all for today.

Then this afternoon we get a call from my DD (11) saying that my mum had taken them to a cafe and said that they were going to meet my dad but they must not tell me because I had issues with him. DD knows that we don't see my dad because he was nasty so she called me because she was scared to meet him and she knew that it was wrong to do it in secret.

Me and DH rushed there and we could see them all sitting round a table. We ran in and DH grabbed the DCs and took them outside. I asked what the hell was going on. My mum said that it was time I stopped being stupid. My dad deserved to meet his grand children and I needed to get over all the silly stories because it wasn't my dad's fault that I was a naughty child. I asked if this whole year had just been one big lie to gain my trust so that I would leave her alone with them. She said yes of course they hadn't split up and she was surprised that I had believed it.
I told them to stay away and they were disgusting.

We took the DCs home. Apparently my mum told them that she was giving them a special surprise. She took them to the cafe and told them that their granddad was coming and that I make up lies about granddad because I don't want to tell them that I was a bad child. DD said she didn't want to meet him without me and DH there but my mum told her not to be a big baby so she called me and DH from the toilets.

I am so angry and sad that my mum did this. That my DCs were put at risk and I let it happen and worried that they will try to come here. I can't get my dad's smug smile out of my head when he saw me burst into the cafe.

I guess I am just venting here really because there aren't many people I can tell in real life.

Sadly he was not your dms sperm donor he was her choice. She chose and still chooses him. Why only she can know.

When you reported the abuse to police was it just the police who attended re. The rubbish ir dud you report to specialist unit. If not thrn I sugfest you might want to follow up.
What your nsdm did might be considerrd a grooming offence

And congrats on twins. Twins are fab tries not to remember all the times mine drive me mad and you have something wonderful to look forwards to

Sorry about typos

Sorry I just need to vent here again.

Had a very strange week, I made a statement to a specialist police department. They couldn't find then so they ended up looking through my mum's house. They couldn't find passports or suitcases so assumed that they had gone abroad to the country that my dad has been living in. They checked out my dad's house and it had been sold recently.

Then a few days ago I had a call from the school to say that my mum had turned up trying to pick up the DCs. Luckily I had told the school that my parents weren't allowed to take the DCs. (Thanks to your advice) police were called whilst the receptionist tried to keep my mum there but she left before they got there.

No-one has heard from either of my parents since and I am not sure if I should be relieved or scared.

On a brighter note we are planning to tell the rest of the family that we are expecting twins next week and I am already excited about it.

Oh my God...congratulations on your twins. bit I'm sorry to hear the rest of your news. why do you think your mum is being do insistent about seeing your children against your wishes?? I'm so pleased the police are taking it seriously...

Sorry to hear about the continuing harrassment, but well done on having the school so well briefed & great that they called the police so promptly.

Congrats on your twins too.

Thank you for your update, OP. Can't wait to hear about the new bebbehs! And stay strong.

What did the police say about the attempted contact at the school?

It's got to be said, your parents are going about this with a sufficient amount of dickheadedness to give you the ammo to ensure they never see their grandchildren again. Silver lining 'n' all that.

What on eartg is she up to? So glad you phoned the school. She sounds determined!

Thank GOD you warned the school.

wilddog at a guess, they've gone abroad and given up. The rubbish was a last nasty 'fuck you' to your family.

But the lengths to which your mum went to deceive you for a year are pretty impressive. She was determined and utterly unscrupulous. Er - it might just be an idea to keep absolute knowledge of where your children are at all times for some time to come.

I would recommend ensuring your daughter knows an age-appropriate version of the truth and making sure she has a charged phone at all times and that she hangs out with only known people atm.

this could be utter paranoia but that amount of cold planning and malice on your mother's part is alarming.

I do think it's much more likely that they've simply buggered off, thank god.

Btw, have you spoken to your brother about what the police found, or actually didn't find?

I think the PP who suggested that it might even be classed as 'grooming' is right - why else would she want to take them from school? So he can be abusive to them.

i hope the police track them down, and soon. They need to be behind bars!

Congrats on the twins!

It really is worrying that she went to such lengths to give a man with a history of abusing children access to more children. If they've managed to escape abroad it's a pity in a way, as they both really need to be locked up - and he will now be putting children in another country in danger.

Wow you're mother is a complete cunt.

I strongly suggest that you cut off all contact she has with the children - supervised or not.

On the plus side, you have an amazing 11 year old. I think it's incredible that they would have the initiative to ring you when they felt something was wrong. You guys must be incredible parents!

urgh, your not you're

Awful, awful, awful behaviour from your mother.

Your Dd is a star.

You aredping the right thing

Doing, not redping

Glad you came back to update.

I was going to say I had something similar (DCs taken to see emotionally and mentally abusive GP and other family member without my knowledge) and well done to your daughter. I was also going to say it will get worse before it gets better, but it looks as though your parents have gone.

It makes you horribly paranoid and looking over your shoulder for a long time (well done too, to the school) and I would say stay vigilant - for some reason, these type of people seem to think they're entitled to do whatever they please.

I am now NC and the children are aware of the (age appropriate) reasons that they have to let me know if they are going anywhere 'secretly' or out of the norm (EOW contact with ex). Your DD was brilliant, and kudos to your DH for not walloping your parents at the cafe (not sure my DH or me would have been so restrained).

Holy shit. My blood ran cold reading through all this. I take it your brother's up to date with the latest developments?

Can't tell you how much I admire your resolution to shelter your family from the abuse you endured. This thread really shows why you did it, and what you've achieved.

Your dad is a complete bastard, but your mum is every bit as much. I hope they've crawled back under their rock, never to be seen again. You and your family don't deserve that shit in your lives.

Do your kids have passports OP? If not, I'd suggest getting them so no one else can apply for them. Also, is there a 'no travel' list they can go on?

Although your 11 year old sounds like she has her head screwed on!