Been with partner for ten years, he is ten years older than me (I am 36 vs his 46), have 2 dc (3.5 and 6 months). We are not married but own a home although this is in my name.
In brief, we have been unhappy for a few years because:
- Our lives are complicated as we both have consuming careers, he runs several businesses and also has dc (teenage girls) to first wife.
- Many of our arguments revolve around how time is spent and prioritising as well as broadly different goals and interests.
- When we met for instance, both enjoyed similar music, concerts, etc but whilst I have moved on in my tastes he remains the same and is essentially a big kid who still enjoys clubbing scene. Included in this bracket for him is the occasional drug use. I can't stand any of that.
- I have guilt regarding the 2 dc to me, even although we agreed this.
- Lots of issues re age gap and developmental goals in general
- He has not yet divorced his ex , who for a long time continued to intrude inappropriately
- He is an attractive man but has let himself go over the years. I am beginning to wonder if I fancy him any more. Our sex life has taken a hit with the 2dc but also the arguments.
- no interest from his part in home/garden type stuff, does zero ont eh domestic front although is fantastic with the kids.
- a lot of time feel am flying solo as a single parent
- issues with anger, he tends to bottle things up and then explodes. THis morning in the cAr we inexplicably started at me because I interrupted a conversation to ask him to remind me where I was going (2 hours sleep last night). There have been
- he was diagnosed some years ago with mild aspergrs, which manifests with obsessinnal behaviours, rigidity, pig headedness and poor empathizing (?sp) skills. On many occasions he has made inappropr jokes or humiliated me in public after a few drinks. This can also manifest in plain irrationalness
I am bored, lonely, crave adult company. As he is a workaholic am spending many long hours alone.
I am telling you only one side but would also add that he is an excellent dad to all four children, can be loving, can scrub up bloody well when he wants to and can really try - he has huge demands in his life and I knew that when I took him on. He has given me huge support wrt dealing with my highly dysfunctional family (which prob explains my problems in dealing with relationships)
I feel resentful re the divorce (lack thereof) and used to want to get married, now when I go to weddings with him I fear him embarrassing me and also feel like I am jealously watching young in love couples with spouses of a similar age who actually deemed them worthy of a proposal. There is little romance from his direction. I have no interest in marrying him now, we are clearly far too unstable. WE have had counselling input which helped a little, but OH is a hard man to reason with (even the counsellor could see the rigidity)
I am attractive, reasonably bright, have many friends (therefore am not a social misfit!) and earn 40k part time, live in a part of the country which is relatively inexpensive, would be able to go it alone I think as the house we own is in my name and I have the 30k savings needed to pay him off. We have 1850 pcm outgoings incl childcare , My income is 2320 pcm but would ask him for 600 so would almost have 1k pcm after bills. We are also due to get a new mortgage (hopefully lower). I am prob being fairly optimistic here
Sorry for long post and thanks for listening to me churn out all this rubbish but - do you think this is doable? Am I doing the right thing? What is life like a single mother? Would anyone in their right mind want to date me? WTF will people think of us having just had a baby and then messing up so spectacularly? Will the kids be OK?