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Original poster

Is this harmless flirting?

66 replies

stripeyred · 01/07/2014 10:19

Dh and I sometimes look at each others phones, him more than me but I do occasionally. We don't hide it and know each other does it.
I looked at his last night. There was a message from someone he works with. She was going to be late and he was having to wait. She said she knows he doesn't like chocolate or alcohol to make it up to him so what was his weakness? He replied she was and ended the text with a kiss.
Is this as bad as I think it could be or am I over reacting? He doesn't know I've seen anything.

OP posts:
GiniCooper · 01/07/2014 10:20

Do you really need to ask if this is harmless?

coppertop · 01/07/2014 10:23

At the very least it's damaged your trust in your dh, so no it's not harmless.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2014 10:25

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it makes you feel uncomfortable. Your feelings are valid and it's up to him to respond in a way that acknowledges those feelings.

gateauxauxfruits · 01/07/2014 10:28

It strikes me as very mild flirting. That doesn't make it ok, or harmless, but I wouldn't leap to deduce any more than that.

Original poster
stripeyred · 01/07/2014 10:28

I had the opportunity this morning to look and see if there was anything else, I heard him getting texts last night while I was going to bed. I didn't look though.
Scared of what I'd find maybe?

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 01/07/2014 10:30

I'm sorry, stripey but I do think it's as bad as you think. You just don't say things like that to an ordinary work colleague.

Jan45 · 01/07/2014 10:31

Not acceptable in my book, he's making moves on another women and you are asking if you're over reacting.

Serious lack of respect to you and your relationship, and yes you should be questioning the trust you have in him.

Joysmum · 01/07/2014 10:39

I'd look and and I'd be seeing if the messages he subsequently got were still there, as much as what they said.

I'm not one of those against snooping like many are on her because I now I'm happier having snooped in the past and realised I was the one with issues, not my DH.

CroydonFacelift · 01/07/2014 10:43

It doesnt sound harmless....

On a separate note - I do think its strange you both go through each others texts. Why? Is trust an issue?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/07/2014 11:00

"Scared of what I'd find maybe?"

Does that mean you're not going to talk to him? At best it's an inappropriate way to communicate with a colleague.

Vivacia · 01/07/2014 11:02

I think it's odd that you both check each other's phones. I think it's wrong that he's sending texts like that. I can believe other people would be more than happy in such a relationship; it's just not for me.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 01/07/2014 11:06

I would go livid

rb32 · 01/07/2014 11:16

I certainly wouldn't be happy. It certainly isn't professional and I'd have a word with him about it.

Original poster
stripeyred · 01/07/2014 11:32

I won't ignore it, not quite sure what I'll do yet. As I said before, we look at each others phones, just something we've always done. Usually at the photos we've taken of the dc but messages too.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 01/07/2014 11:33

I'd have to have another look.
Why is he getting texts late at night?
That would ring alarm bells for me after what you saw.
You may not want to face it but you really need to.
You may be able to stop something before it goes to far.
If you just drop it then it may go further and then there will be no coming back!
Be brave - face it!

Vivacia · 01/07/2014 12:22

Why do you read each other's texts? I can't understand that.

ChickenMe · 01/07/2014 12:25

I work on a team of males-no other females. The only male I'd text that to is the gay one. Ie yes it's inappropriate.

Squidstirfry · 01/07/2014 12:41

"What is your weakness?"
"You are"

wtaf. No partner of mine would be sticking around if I ever found them saying that.

merlotguzzler · 01/07/2014 13:17

Even if nothing is going on, flirting like that whilst in a relationship is completely disrespectful and inappropriate

Of course, nobody apart from him and her know if it's just 'harmless' flirting, but to me, it doesn't sound good. Sorry.

Finola1step · 01/07/2014 13:23

Turn it around.

If he read a message on your phone in which you declared to your male colleague that he was your weakness, what would be your husband's reaction?

You have your answer.

VanitasVanitatum · 01/07/2014 13:27

Telling another woman she is his weakness?! If that was my dp I would be hitting the roof.

Imagine what she now thinks of his relationship with you? The impression he gives to her is he has romantic feelings for her. What does that say about his respect for you?

You need to bring this up with him ASAP.

GenuinelyMaryMacguire · 01/07/2014 13:29

Its not harmless flirting, its evidence.

kaykayblue · 01/07/2014 13:35

It's harmless flirting if both people involved are single.

If one of them is in a committed relationship, then it crosses a line.

Would he send a message like that to a male colleague? Or his boss?

I doubt it.

If I got a message like that from a colleague I would think they were super sleazy.

Original poster
stripeyred · 01/07/2014 13:50

Ok, I'm not over reacting. I will speak to him tonight when he gets in. Kicking myself now that I didn't look again this morning

OP posts:
merlotguzzler · 01/07/2014 13:57

Good luck stripey