Is this harmless flirting?

[stripeyred]

Dh and I sometimes look at each others phones, him more than me but I do occasionally. We don't hide it and know each other does it.
I looked at his last night. There was a message from someone he works with. She was going to be late and he was having to wait. She said she knows he doesn't like chocolate or alcohol to make it up to him so what was his weakness? He replied she was and ended the text with a kiss.
Is this as bad as I think it could be or am I over reacting? He doesn't know I've seen anything.

One thing. That message, to me, does - I'm afraid - convey quite a level of intimacy already achieved. If he was trying a first pass on a colleague who wasn't already completely expecting it, the response to her 'What is your weakness?' would be more likely to be something like 'tall, slim, 26 year olds' (or whatever) and not 'You are'. That latter is more like a private joke.

Yes you have to be pretty close to someone to tell them they re your weakness, in other words, I've fallen for you, eugh.

Crap

Id be hitting the roof and would definitely think it is as cozietoesie said.
I am quite a suspicious, overthinking person, but I can not one bit see how that can be construed as anything but more than flirting. If it was my dp Id be devestated, because that is the kind of thing he says to me (and yours should be to you and no one else).
:(

It doesn't sound like harmless flirting to me.

Sorry to say but it doesn't sound harmless to me either. At least it's shameless flirting which is disrespectful to your relationship. But I don't see he issue with the going through the phones. DH and I are both open with our phones, laptops etc and quite often read each other's messages. Nothing to hide and no trust issues in either side, we are both just open and nosey I think.

I agree. My DH and I have open access to everything. No secrets, joint account etc based on trust. I would be furious reading that message.

Hoping OP is okay....

That is not harmless.

He's on his way home now. I'm going to try and look at the phone again before I speak to him in case there's more or they have been deleted

It's the sort of text my ex-boss would send.

I like him (as a friend) but I am not in the slightest bit interested. He seems to think that if he persists he is going to get lucky one day. I'm fairly certain he has form.

I suggest you start watching your DH like a hawk.

He came home and I managed to look at the phone. Every message from before today has been completely wiped. I told him what I'd seen.
He started shouting about how old she is and it was as a joke then stormed up to bed, slamming doors.

What do I do now?

Yes the message was inappropriate, I'd feared the rest would be wiped but hoped not.

The wiping is far more serious that the message you saw.

Does he usually delete old messages?

If it had been innocent he would have been apologising wouldn't he? Trying to prove it was a misunderstanding?

This is awful.

We split up years ago, before we were married and I had to move back into my mums with the two dc we had at the time. I learnt from that though and while it's just a council house, our home is in my name only.

No, he never deletes messages (that I know of anyway)

Hmm, angry and defensive, he sounds guilty as hell.
You know what you read, you don't have to accept that.
The deflective comment about her age say more about his feelings than any kind of defence.
He sounds immature and faithless to me.

That is the reaction of a person who has been caught bang-to-rights

Sorry, love

err, how old is she ?

In that case it sounds, along with the overly aggressive strop to bed, that you have caught him out. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Yes, an innocent person would be showing you a stream of messages that prove the joke and apologising for the way it seems, for not thinking about how it could be perceived and for hurting your feelings.

He said she's older, in her 50's. He's 50 this year. Think it was mentioned as I'm a lot younger than him.

I'm so angry just now which I'm actually glad about. I thought I'd be a snivelling mess. Still not sure what to do right now though.

Do I go and speak to him, wait until morning?

Why did you split up before you were married, stripey? (If it's relevant.)

Do you have a spare room? If so, sleep in it. Leave him to stew.

I've posted about him before under this name. He had temper issues previously but has worked hard to solve them. He had been violent but not in years.
I'll sleep on the couch I guess.