Thinking about foster care. Totally broken and don't know what to do :(

[extremepie]

Posting here because I can't deal with the shitstorm I would get from Aibu :(

So much shit has happened in the last year.

Me & husband of 8 years broke up.
I lost my job, my home, my social life and all my friends.

I have no friends now and only my sister in terms of family - she is brilliant and loves me, she does as much as she possibly can but she works full time so is only really available for talking/help with the kids evenings and weekends and she has a life of her own!

Recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend cheated on me & we broke up. He was literally my only friend except my sister and now my world had totally collapsed.

I feel so ridiculous being like this over a man but I feel like this is just the straw that broke the camels back and I can't deal with life anymore :(

I'm worried about my children when I'm in this state. My 2 boys are 7&6, my youngest has fairly severe autism and at the moment I just can't cope. I'm crying all the time. I lock myself in my bedroom most of the time, I still give them food & drink & everything they need physically but I can't bear to leave the house in case I see him with her :(

I'm shaking and feel sick all the time, I'm weak and constantly in pain from the hunger but I can't eat.

I can't sleep, I'm exhausted and relying on herbal tablets to help me drift off but I wake up an hour later and can't get back to sleep :(

I don't want to take antidepressants as I'm worried if I get them I will take all of them. I've been thinking about hurting myself and I don't want the kids to witness that :(

What do I do?

I'm thinking that maybe I should ask my social worker to place the kids in temporary foster care. I'm worried I can't look after them like I am and if I keep trying and failing I will just end up killing myself :(

I was changing my youngest sons nappy yesterday and he tried to put his hands in the poo, which he always does and I just totally lost it at him, I screamed at him so viciously he started crying and I was so tempted to hit him. I'm so ashamed of myself for acting like that, and it isn't fair on him. Would it be best for them to be looked after elsewhere until I can care for them again?

Feel so weak and pathetic and worthless right now, they deserve better :(

Please help me know what to do. It breaks my heart to think about putting them somewhere else but I'm worried off them and for myself if thru stay :(

Oh love

You are under so much strain. Your heartbreak will get better. I know your sister works but can you tell her how close to the edge you are? Does she have a family?

Do you have parents? I think they need to come and stay so you can have an emergency GP appointment tomorrow and try and regain some equilibrium and decide what to do. Where is the DC's father in this? Can he provide support

If you honestly feel like you are going to hurt yourself (ie not just intrusive thoughts) take yourself and the DC to AandE immediately

Do you have family services involvement if one of your DC has SN? If do, can you call them or your health visitor to discuss

The key thing is to get someone in the house today to look after the DC and prove some practical and emotional support

No she's only 22 so it's just her & her boyfriend. But she can't look after the kids for me as she works full time.

I don't think she knows. I just say once that I was thinking about killing myself but I think she thought I was joking.

Everyone keeps telling me what a dick he is, how I'll get over it in time, that I have my boys so I'll be ok but I don't think I will be. At this rate by the time it takes for me to feel better has passed I won't be here any more, I will end up hurting the kids or myself :(

My parents and dc's dad both live about 300 miles away so they can't help me :(

Please go to your GP and let him know how you are feeling.
This could be depression and antiDs might help.
It's an inbalance in your brain. It can't just right itself. You need help.
Discuss with SS as well and they can offer you support.
Get all the help you can.
I agree. AIBU was not the place.
No-one can fully understand what you must be feeling.
As a first step, please see your GP. They will help and advise you. But be very honest with them.

Would your parents help and support you?
Can you go to them for some real life love and TLC?
Would they come and spend some time with you?
If you are feeling at a real low. Please call Samaritans.
They are there to listen to you. You may find them a real comfort.

This s very serious - you've said a few times that your thinking if hurting the children or yourself. I would go to A&E now. You need help right away

Please phone your parents before you leave for the hospital and ask them to start making the journey to where you live. You need support and medical help right now

Call the DC's dad too - he is there father and should help. If he doesn't, then hopefully your parents will step in but they all need to know what's going on so they can start travelling to yiu

Please call your parents I am sure they would help. You sound so desperate. 300 miles means they could be with you tonight. Then please please please go to see gp. You need some help to get back on your feet .thinking of you

08457 909090 is the samaritans' number so you can talk things through with someone.

Gp is not open on a Sunday :(

How can I go to a&e when I have no one to look after the kids :(

Ok.
Yes you need to contact your social worker (why do you have one is it because of ds disability)
Hopefully she can arrange some respite for him to give you a break.
Secondly see your gp, explain your fears about taking an od, many modern anti depressants would do little if you took a whole packet, they may make you sick.
A decent course of any depressants would help you feel able to cope better.
The thing with the boyfriend will pass. When my marriage broke up I got quite quickly involved with another man and was completely broken when we finished, I can look back now and see that I'd never really got over my exh which is why it affected me so badly.
Make a plan for tomorrow and tell is what it is, writing it on here will help you see it though.
What are you doing today?

Doing nothing. Lying in bed and crying, trying to fall asleep so it doesn't hurt anymore :(

Yes we have a SW because of ds' disability and because ex was neglectful so those issues are resolved but obviously the disability is ongoing.

Well she is your first port of call, is she in the children with disabilities team? If so she will have access to respite carers.
Are you abroad? What time is it there?

I'm in the uk, it's half 9 ish.

Respite care has been arranged for us but hasn't started yet - I was due to set up meeting with her this week but I just can't face it. It's only once a week too, it's not enough :(

As I said, you take the children with you to A and E

Your GP service will have an out if hours service. Call the usual practice number and you will be diverted.

I really think you need to get some help now, from what you have said.

It's better than nothing though and will give you time to think.
Yes I think maybe you should be seen today, can you take the kids to out of hours? They will access the crisis team if you tell them how bad you feel.
I know you want to stay in bed and cry but it won't help, shake yourself a bit and decide this is the day you will get some help.
Anti depressants can make a massive change to how you feel and how you cope with life and they may even give you something to help while they are working.
Can you call anyone at all today, just for a few hours company?

I am so sorry you are going through this, if you think you can get through today then get yourself to the GP tomorrow.

However, if you genuinely think that you cannot cope with getting through today you do have options open to you. Either call your sister and explain how low you feel and that you need her help today, or call your ExP and ask him to have the children today for you.

Keep posting.

FFFx

Hello,

I've been through similar. Please, phone out of hours GP, talk through everything you've put here. They will most likely do an instant referal to The Crisis Team. These are mental health professionals who can react fairly quickly, they are often based at a hospital, but can come out to your house. Give them a phone number to phone you back on, and then using another phone, phone the Samaritans (sp). They will be able to talk to you, and keep you company. Whilst your talking to them, the intrusive thoughts won't be able to suffocate you as much.

Keep posting, and please, please. Phone out of hours. Xx

Where about's roughly in the UK are you? As different services will be available in different areas.

I'm in Cornwall.

Ex is near Manchester and doesn't drive, he can't have the kids :(

Sounds like your really struggling, out of hours GP will be able to help. What are your children doing at the moment? Are you up and about? X

They are playing and watching TV, I am locked in my bedroom :(

I called the out of hours social worker as I couldn't get through to mine - she's going to get someone to call me from the crisis team to phone me but it could take hours to get hold of someone.

She just gave me the same bullshit line, 'you'll be ok, it'll be fine' No I won't be fucking fine! Why does everyone keep telling me the same stupid shit over and over rather than actually helping me! So sick to death of it! People have been telling me that for months and it never ducking happens! I've fucking had enough!

The crisis team shouldn't take ages to acess, well done for calling,if you've not heard then ring a and e or your out of hours or Samaritans (they can also get crisis team btw) you will be fine it not untill you get some help

Tell everyone you are suicidal they have to act