Thinking about foster care. Totally broken and don't know what to do :(

[extremepie]

Posting here because I can't deal with the shitstorm I would get from Aibu :(

So much shit has happened in the last year.

Me & husband of 8 years broke up.
I lost my job, my home, my social life and all my friends.

I have no friends now and only my sister in terms of family - she is brilliant and loves me, she does as much as she possibly can but she works full time so is only really available for talking/help with the kids evenings and weekends and she has a life of her own!

Recently (about 5 days ago) my boyfriend cheated on me & we broke up. He was literally my only friend except my sister and now my world had totally collapsed.

I feel so ridiculous being like this over a man but I feel like this is just the straw that broke the camels back and I can't deal with life anymore :(

I'm worried about my children when I'm in this state. My 2 boys are 7&6, my youngest has fairly severe autism and at the moment I just can't cope. I'm crying all the time. I lock myself in my bedroom most of the time, I still give them food & drink & everything they need physically but I can't bear to leave the house in case I see him with her :(

I'm shaking and feel sick all the time, I'm weak and constantly in pain from the hunger but I can't eat.

I can't sleep, I'm exhausted and relying on herbal tablets to help me drift off but I wake up an hour later and can't get back to sleep :(

I don't want to take antidepressants as I'm worried if I get them I will take all of them. I've been thinking about hurting myself and I don't want the kids to witness that :(

What do I do?

I'm thinking that maybe I should ask my social worker to place the kids in temporary foster care. I'm worried I can't look after them like I am and if I keep trying and failing I will just end up killing myself :(

I was changing my youngest sons nappy yesterday and he tried to put his hands in the poo, which he always does and I just totally lost it at him, I screamed at him so viciously he started crying and I was so tempted to hit him. I'm so ashamed of myself for acting like that, and it isn't fair on him. Would it be best for them to be looked after elsewhere until I can care for them again?

Feel so weak and pathetic and worthless right now, they deserve better :(

Please help me know what to do. It breaks my heart to think about putting them somewhere else but I'm worried off them and for myself if thru stay :(

Your ex can get a train or a bus.

Can you call your parents? They can start travelling now to help you

Ex has no money and it's a very expensive ticket :( He won't do it!

My parents both work full time so I can't ask them to come all the way down here :(

Have spoken to SS and will be seeing them tomorrow so we can sort something out :(

Sorry you're having such a tough time of it. I think you got a roasting on aibu too and that can't have helped.
It is going to be possible to get past this. I think once your mental health has stabilised you can hopefully start working on building a group of friends so you can build a support network. Perhaps getting respite will give you a bit of a breather so you can do something outside of your home. I really hope the sw takes it seriously and you can get a gp on board too.
It will get better, you just have to keep asking for help, get onto some anti depressants and yes, your boys being in foster care of a little might be helpful too.
Please ring the Samaritans if you are feeling desperate. They will listen.

extreme - you could. They could ask for unpaid leave if they don't want to take annual leave.

I'm pushing this as you seem it be on your own without any support. You've said you've thought of harming yourself of your children so things can't really get more serious. I'm amazed that SS are leaving things overnight to be honest. I still think you need medical attention as well, which the social worker won't be in a position to give.

Your DC's father sounds as if he has totally abrogated his responsibilities. That being the case, is there anything tying you to the area you are currently in? If not, I'd consider a move closer to family (if they are helpful) once this initial crisis has resolved

She got a roasting on aibu? Are they fuckkng crazy on there or what? Mn doesn't head in at times.
Have you had any joy love?

Just read part of the thread on AIBU. Some of the posters should be ashamed....especially the unsympathetic GP :(
Hold on in there OP x

Gobbo, a move has been suggested to me before but I don't want to move back, I hated that area and the kids are settled at school :)

My parents love me very much and are brilliant with moral
support but cannot offer much physical help - my dad is in his 70's with arthritis in his hands, my mum has multiple health problems including back and knee issues so neither of them can physically manage a large, strong autistic 6yr old with no danger awareness :/

I think they are leaving it overnight because then my own social worker can get involved and she knows my history and the kids :) I do feel a lot better knowing that they are going to help me very soon and not fob me off again :)

Still not good though but at least not quite so frantic ( at least not 'I'm going to run away and end it all' frantic!).

Yes I did get a roasting, mostly because people felt awbu to ask for medical help after a break up - however I think what didn't come across initially is that this incident is just the tip of the iceberg of shit! Still dealing with being raped as well which I hadn't really seeked help for, all of which has contributed to how I'm feeling now !

I don't think anyone else will tell you this so I will. There are many worse things than putting your children in temporary foster care whilst you seek time and space to help yourself. It would not make you a bad parent in any way and is totally different (legally) from having them taken from you.

I will also add that if you start turning this idea over with social services they will likely start pulling out the stops to get you proper support.

Thank you that does help a lot, I think I've been struggling along for so long because I didn't want anyone to judge me and think I was a terrible person but I need to put things right for them and for me :)

Hi so sorry about the hard time you are having. Don't be scared to allow social services to help you - it's about putting your children first making sure they are looked after etc and you need to be well to do that.
Explore the options w them - we got respite thru a bad patch w dd. It gave us the break we needed to let me get it together again. Dd has asd wasn't sleeping - I was often getting just 4 hours a night. I felt insane - I wasn't just totally exhausted. It took ss time to sort respite and supporting statements from gp and others who work w us. But 8 weeks later and we are in an even keel. I was just sobbing w tiredness and stress and couldn't keep going. I felt thirty to say I can't do this I need someone to look after my child and give me a break. But I was getting scared at my lack of judgement and emotional regulation - I couldn't parent a child as complex as dd properly in that state. Because I love her and am a good responsible parent I put her over what anyone else might think of me and above my embarrassment at needing help. I had the impression that ss actually saw this as being a sign of a good parent needing help

I have had a little one come into care with me for a few weeks while her mum got some support in order. She needed to get her own head together after the father of her little one died. She only had one elderly family member offering emotional support but she needed hands on help too. After having that time to get herself sorted she was in a much better place to care for her little one. (Just so that people don't think I am being too free & easy with private details this all happened quite a few years ago & not in UK)

phone social worker & see if you can get direct payments to employ an aupair/ assistant for a while
treat yourself to something nice every day
you'll get through it

Hello OP, glad you are felling a little better, and so sorry that you are going through a rough time. I'm a foster carer and have had several children to stay with me for respite care over the years whose parents have been really lovely. We've worked together and there have been some brilliant outcomes for the families. Please do see your GP in the morning. It sounds like its time to put yourself first and get the help you need. Please keep posting x

How are you feeling now love?

It sounds like you've been through so much.

I don't think people on aibu quite appreciated that maybe there was much more going on than 'just' being dumped so put that behind you. People are on the look out for something they can get all outrage over too.

You have coped with a lot, it's totally ok to be feeling like things are just too much and that you need help. Hopefully people in the real world are going to listen and start to provide that help. If they try to brush you off you need to be really bolshy and insist. For you and your childrens' sakes.

I highly doubt you're a terrible person, more someone who has had a pretty rough hand. And yes, definitely get some help with the rape too, that sort of thing can be so hard to deal with alone.

I have been non-stop today but wanted to just double check how your day has been, please update the thread..

FFF x

And hide the other thread too. How dare people give you a hard time, they are twats.

I feel a little better knowing that I have been really honest with someone and told them that I'm not coping instead of putting on a brave face again and pretending to be ok - obviously I'd rather I didn't have to at all but I have to deal with things are they are not as I wish they would be :)

I am a little bit scared that they will try and fob me off again but I can't let that happen this time because judging by the way I was feeling earlier, they may not get another chance! I have attempted suicide before and the way I felt earlier was eerily similar to how I did then, I was just totally at the end of my tether and I dont want to feel like that again :( More importnantly, I don't my children to suffer because I feel that way :)

I just wanted to say that I am sorry things are so tough for you right now, and I am really glad that you have your SW coming, well done for being brave enough to make that call. I have no real wise words, but am offering a hand to hold and gentle thoughts.

Well done for getting through today, it must have felt like a lifetime.
Hope tomorrow you can get them to listen and put some help in place.
You have had a lot to cope with and are still here so you are strongest than you think.
Have you tried the special needs boards for some support?

OP, I just wanted you to know I'm rooting for you .

It must have been incredibly difficult to ask for help - well done! What a bunch of knobs on that other thread. Definitely hide it.

I have got through the most awful feelings of panic and depression. It does pass and you will look back at this from a different place. Hang in there.xxx

Well done OP. Rooting for you here also.

OP well done for posting and asking for help. I agree that temporary foster care for the DC's will benefit you all in the long run. Your health, mental and physical is so important for your little family.

Absolutely prioritise your own needs right now. You will then be in a much much better place for your DC's.

You have been so brave to say how you are feeling. You will get through this.

Morning, let us know how you get on today, sending you huge hugs.

FFF x

Just checking in to make sure you are feeling OK.
I do hope today goes as you hope and you get the help and support in place that you need.
If you are struggling to cope with the rape, then please call Rape Crisis.

Also, please let your mum and dad know how you feel.
If you were my DD I would be there for you, no matter how old.
Even if it's just to hug you while you cry and keep the tea flowing and being a ear to listen to you.
Please don't dismiss them and think you don't want to 'put-on' them.
They will want to help you. Please let them.