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Original poster

Would you give this man a second date?

82 replies

needsmorecake · 27/06/2014 14:14

Im really in two minds.

We got on well, he seemed nice, normal. hes solvent and has a good job. He was interested in what i had to say and he felt very comfortable.

however, i did not fancy him at all, though its very clear he fancied me.

He has asked for a second date, Ive said yes, to see how it goes, but im not sure.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 28/06/2014 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NecesitoDormir · 28/06/2014 07:42

Kick him to the kerb, plenty more fish in the sea

Original poster
needsmorecake · 28/06/2014 07:45

It is a little bit needy, isn't it.

I told him I was going out, so he knew I wasn't free to reply. So, why send a series of texts?

And why send one at 1.30. After meeting me once, for a coffee

OP posts:
HygieneFreak · 28/06/2014 07:48

I ve been on plenty of dates before i met dh.

I think your coming across as abit miserable and uptight tbh

Theres nothing wrong with the texts he has sent or the times, i ve had a fair few very late night texts about random things from friends and someone i was casually dating.

Original poster
needsmorecake · 28/06/2014 08:18

I'm not even casually dating him though. It's been one date for 90 mins. He knew I was busy, why send a series of texts? .why send one at 130 Am saying ' take it it was a good night then lol

He was just being needy and trying to get a response from me. Which he did not get as I was asleep

OP posts:
Lweji · 28/06/2014 08:22

Ok, I think you should reply to his texts. Telling him that you don't think it will work out.

HygieneFreak · 28/06/2014 08:25

I think he still texted even though he knew you was out because people do generally reply to texts even if they are out.

And as you hadnt responded to him even when you got home, im guessing he was thinking that you werent interested.

Ime what he has done is normal

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 28/06/2014 08:29

Why do women settle for people they aren't attracted to? I did it, wish I hadn't.

Men wouldn't.

Lweji · 28/06/2014 08:33

I don't particularly like the texts.
He told you he had spoken about you to his friends, which was supposed to elicit a conversation about what he had told him and so on.
Then an even needier text about what a great night it must have been, which sounds like he is actually upset you haven't replied.

I would find normal something like, I loved meeting you and I hope you have a great time out, or I hope work went well.

Lweji · 28/06/2014 08:34

The OP was not advised to settle for someone she was not attracted to, just to give it a bit more time to see if she was attracted or not. We don't all fall for people the first time we meet them. Even men.

Joysmum · 28/06/2014 08:36

My DH and I have been together 20 years this year, it started as a friendship, no attraction. Now it's both.

Glad I caught this thread after you posted about his subsequent texts as I was going to say to go on another date. After reading about the texts is say no.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 28/06/2014 08:37

I was just talking in general Lweji not about what was advised. She seems to really not fancy him, I don't think any bloke would go on a second date if the feeling was that strong

Original poster
needsmorecake · 28/06/2014 08:39

I don't like the texts either.

I had told him I was going out. It wasn't even test, it was what's app...so relied on me having Internet connection. ..which I didn't anyway.

I got home at about 11pm. My daughter was still up. .It was a family thing and a special occasion which is why she was still up. So, we just went straight to bed. I didn't even turn my Internet on. I wouldn't even think about having to check in with him after a night out. Because I've met him once...and he knew I was going out.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 28/06/2014 08:40

One date so far, you are over thinking it, just see him again as agreed and take it slow.

A friend of mine had a friend who fancied her, she did not feel same way, then one day, just pow, it hit her. Another slow burner.

DP was a slow burner. 2 kids later....

Texts are just chat, don't read stuff into casual texts.

jaynebxl · 28/06/2014 08:44

Text him back and say thanks for waking me in the middle of the night with your text Angry (he doesn't know it didn't wake you but it does show him he was being a bit OTT).

TheHoneyBadger · 28/06/2014 08:59

texts are a bit much.

still stand by attraction not having to hit instantly but 3 messages sort of shows a lack of self restraint. harmless possibly as in he likes you and was keen but you'd think he'd restrain himself a bit after not getting a reply and thinking 'i'm making myself look a nob here'.

personally i wouldn't see him again.

LoisPuddingLane · 28/06/2014 09:47

The 1.30am text would have me running a mile. If he sends that after a first date, how would he be if you went out with your mates in three months' time?

NecesitoDormir · 28/06/2014 10:07

I wouldn't mind having a follow up text or indeed a couple of follow up texts. It's the middle of the night text that would piss me off. FFS he sounds needy. First date or not it is not respectful to text someone you barely know at that time about something so trivial. A decent guy would have waited until the morning.

YouMakeMeHappy · 28/06/2014 10:07

I'm so surprised at people who would go on a second date! IMO there has to be an initial attraction - and it's got to be strong otherwise you'll find yourself in trouble later on stuck having sex with a man you don't find attractive.

I suppose this is what women mean when they say they settle. I feel so lucky that my husband is literally the best looking man I've ever met. After 10 years I still really fancy him and vice versa.

I wouldn't bother OP really

TheHoneyBadger · 28/06/2014 10:13

youmakeme - but that's you! others have related their experience which is, for me for example, some of the best lovers and strongest chemistry they've ever experienced has been with someone they didn't initially feel instantly attracted to.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/06/2014 10:14

and the best looking guy in the world could stick his tongue in your mouth in a way that makes you want to recoil and gag and that would be that. sorry. gross.

NecesitoDormir · 28/06/2014 10:14

It's not about immediate attraction though. It is about being so needy based on a 90 minute date.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/06/2014 10:16

aside from which men just aren't that good looking in the main! sorry if that's rude but there aren't many 'good looking' conventionally guys out there especially as you get a bit older. i think for a lot of women it's about chemistry then the aesthetics grow rather than instant aesthetic lust and a bloody good job looking around or the population would soon dwindle to dust round these parts.

TheHoneyBadger · 28/06/2014 10:18

oh god no since the texts it's a definite no. was just challenging the idea about instant physical attraction.

SuperFlyHigh · 28/06/2014 10:21

I had a first and second date with now boyfriend. 1st date fine, 2nd date I wanted to run, until we got more comfy (crowded bar) had a bit of a kiss etc. Turns out now we've got amazing chemistry, sex life's great etc and if I'd ran I wouldn't know.

But if a definite no from you then just move on.