Don't think I love fiance anymore. Sham marriage looming.

[HeadlessAndBowless]

Due to get married next June but the more time ticks on, the less love I'm feeling for him. We clash on a lot of things, we both have stressful jobs and I like to come home from work and relax. He likes to come home from work and start fannying around with DIY, kicks off if the house is untidy, runs around fixing things and tidying things and then moans at me that he's come in from work and had to "run around after everyone" but he chooses to do it!! even when I tell him not to he won't listen. A few months ago he offered to help his mum sell her house and then slagged her off and whinged like mad that he was expected to sort out everyone's lives for them - but he almost insisted on doing it!! It's got to the point where I don't like him doing things for me and the kids because he just uses it as an excuse to moan and whine later on.

He's constantly sarcastic with me. If I say to him something innocent and NORMAL like "oo the bank is looking a bit poorly this month" he'll immediately switch to arsehole mode and start saying "oh - ok well I won't eat this month, will that make you feel better about it?"

He's such a know it all, I constantly get from him "oh well I've done this/that/the other before so I know how it is." this includes "Ive been married before so I know all about it", "I've been abroad loads of times so I know everything there is to know", "Ive done camping loads of times so I'm the one that will get everyone through it". - he's done EVERYTHING before so he dismisses everyone elses experiences in favour of him being the leader. Example of this is that we're going to a festival this week, it's his 6th time (and yeah, I've heard that statement many, many times now), my second time and our friends - it's their 1st time. Well DP seems to think that everyone will be useless and die without his help. He keeps trying to take over everything, keeps commenting to me that our friends will be fucked when they get their as they're so green - he's even sat there with a smug face saying "oh I'm going to have a right game looking after 3 green people all week!" - nobody wants fucking "Looking after", we're adults! he's so patronizing.

He never shows any enthusiasm for ANYHING unless it's something HE wanted to do. Our upcoming holiday to the other side of the world for instance in 6 weeks - he's barely spoken about it. So frustrating. He never speaks about our supposed wedding next year. In fact, he wanted to cancel it and save the money so we could do a festival instead (nice priorities there). I compromised and said we'd do the wedding and go to the festival as our honeymoon. He agreed yet a couple of weeks later has invited his son and girlfriend to the festival with us as if it's just a normal jolly away camping. I was like "hey, that's supposed to be our honeymoon! did you forget??" and he replied "oh I know but they won't camp with us, we'll just be taking them down in car". It's like the whole thing is NOTHING to him.

I used to love him so much but lately I just can't be arsed with him. I can't be arsed with his lack of enthusiasm, I can't be arsed with his sarcasm, I can't be arsed with his constant pessimism - I daydream about being engaged to a man who actually, genuinely wanted me and wanted to make me happy.

I think I'm marrying for financial security alone. I've denied it to myself for ages but when I truely think about it, I don't want this for the rest of my life :-( How do you know when you no longer love someone??

[Elsiequadrille]

He sounds tiresome and like very hard work.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Go to the festival , see how he is with others, count how many times he checks how you are, says something positive, does something that enriches your day.

Then think about the upcoming holiday - a big trip that would normally be something to look forward to. Did you go halves, have you had equal input? Do you see yourself radically changing your opinion about DP?

[Lweji]

You are one year away. Cancel now and make sure you dump him before doing any expenses for the wedding. Invest in a solicitor to sort out any legal grey areas.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I think he sounds delightful and you should definitely marry him. I think you should ignore his current unpleasantness, I'm sure he'll be a different person and simply a joy to be with as soon as he has a wedding band on his finger. Best of Luck.

[hamptoncourt]

OP I am pretty sure this is the third thread of yours I have read about this arsehole.

What Tread said

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Obviously this is not the man for you. Financial security is a dreadful reason to get married and something you can achieve on your own.

I just keep thinking of that Harry Enfield character. "Oh, you don't wanna do it like that".

[MyUsernameIsPants]

OP, you've been posting about this arsehole for round a year now. Every other day you start threads about him, abandon them, name change and start a new one. I remember your threads because you are just as infuriating as he is.

You knew what he was like from the moment you met him. You have ignored great advice on this thread, ignored the alarm bells ringing, and carried on tying yourself to him financially at the detriment of your own DC.

He panders to his own children, but has strict rules with yours. He speaks to you like shit. You found his divorce papers before you moved in with him. You knew about his behaviour but you have willingly subjected your DC to his behaviour for your own selfish reasons.

You are just as much of an arsehole as he is.

[HesterShaw]

You sound like you can't stand him. Don't marry him!

[LoganMountstuart]

I wouldn't share a taxi with this guy, let alone a life.

Btw, even if he is rich, if you end up divorcing him (which you will) you probably won't get that much because only assets accumulated during the marriage will be marital assets and therefore up for division, I believe.

[Roussette]

I'm afraid I don't feel sorry for you - you've been handed time and a chance to end this relationship and not marry someone who sounds like a right pain in the proverbial, and yet you come on here and ask whether you should marry him. Why on earth would you?

What would you say to a girlfriend who is saying the same thing?

Can you imagine 30 years down the line? You don't even LIKE this man and just imagine you were single and looking to share a flat with others, I betcha he would irritate the hell out of you just on that basis, so why on earth would you commit you (and your children) to marriage with someone who gets on your tits so much.

I can understand when - after 20 or 30 years of marriage people change and slowly fall out of love and move on, but I'm sorry, I don't get this one little bit. At least when you marry go into it with the right feelings, thoughts and respect. You don't respect him at all and it will only get a lot worse.

[ScrambledSmegs]

Why on earth would you marry someone you don't love? In fact, someone who makes you so unhappy?

You know you don't love him. You don't even like him. Your whole post reeks of it. I think the only thing stopping you admitting it to yourself and calling it off is that you're engaged to be married (fat lot that means to him though) and for some reason you think it would be a Big Deal to walk away. It would be a far bigger deal to divorce the big-headed twat, trust me.

[AnyFucker]

I wonder if OP will be back (again)

[NewtRipley]

You don't even like him. Don't marry someone you don't like.

[rosepetalsoup]

Haha!! Deffo don't marry this man OP.
Even if you never marry anyone else, it will be better.

[EleanorHandbasket]

Jesus H fucking Christ, Boxy.

Don't marry him, ffs.

What are we at now? Seven years of you posting this sorry tale under a thousand different names?

[Needasilverlining]

Boxroom? Not really?

[MyUsernameIsPants]

I don't know about 7 years of posting, but this posters has been posting about him for about 18 months, since she met him. Definitely boxroomy though.

I remember your threads OP, about cosmic ordering. You cosmic ordered an 'I love you' from him, although not quite exactly how you wanted.
You cosmic ordered the marriage proposal. Again, now how you wanted it.

How about you cosmic order yourself a grip?

[MyUsernameIsPants]

'Scuse the appalling grammar and random words. Pain in the arse Ipad.

[expatinscotland]

GET RID.

Marry someone for money, and you'll earn every penny.

[expatinscotland]

Cosmic order my child back to me, please.

[Itsfab]

oh you must marry him

what else will you do with your time if you can't moan about him on here?

.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Why get married when you know its a sham?
There's a reason he's been married before, summed up nicely in your post.
Seems like his x did the great escape, maybe take a leaf out of her book.

[EverythingsDozy]

I have seen two previous threads about you and your P. The first time I thought "leave him". The second time I told you, "leave him". By the looks of it, the whole of mn have told you to leave him. Seriously now, no shit, leave him.
You have been so miserable for so long, he is not the man to marry! Leave him. Leave him, leave him, leave him.
Just. Leave.

[upupupandaway]

It's hard when you get caught up with the dream you have envisaged. What you want and what you know you are going to have are two separate issues. Let go of the dream and follow your head, Nothing is ever going to change , however much time/ love/emotional stuff you've invested. Cut your losses. I think you need a couple of years to be by yourself and invest in making yourself happy as a single person.

[QuintessentiallyQS]

I am shallow, can you not cosmic order me some cash? I want a new car.

Hang on, you cant even cosmic order some funds for yourself, and neither can this man you are marrying for financial security.....

Get a grip, get another job, get a new life.