Don't think I love fiance anymore. Sham marriage looming.

[HeadlessAndBowless]

Due to get married next June but the more time ticks on, the less love I'm feeling for him. We clash on a lot of things, we both have stressful jobs and I like to come home from work and relax. He likes to come home from work and start fannying around with DIY, kicks off if the house is untidy, runs around fixing things and tidying things and then moans at me that he's come in from work and had to "run around after everyone" but he chooses to do it!! even when I tell him not to he won't listen. A few months ago he offered to help his mum sell her house and then slagged her off and whinged like mad that he was expected to sort out everyone's lives for them - but he almost insisted on doing it!! It's got to the point where I don't like him doing things for me and the kids because he just uses it as an excuse to moan and whine later on.

He's constantly sarcastic with me. If I say to him something innocent and NORMAL like "oo the bank is looking a bit poorly this month" he'll immediately switch to arsehole mode and start saying "oh - ok well I won't eat this month, will that make you feel better about it?"

He's such a know it all, I constantly get from him "oh well I've done this/that/the other before so I know how it is." this includes "Ive been married before so I know all about it", "I've been abroad loads of times so I know everything there is to know", "Ive done camping loads of times so I'm the one that will get everyone through it". - he's done EVERYTHING before so he dismisses everyone elses experiences in favour of him being the leader. Example of this is that we're going to a festival this week, it's his 6th time (and yeah, I've heard that statement many, many times now), my second time and our friends - it's their 1st time. Well DP seems to think that everyone will be useless and die without his help. He keeps trying to take over everything, keeps commenting to me that our friends will be fucked when they get their as they're so green - he's even sat there with a smug face saying "oh I'm going to have a right game looking after 3 green people all week!" - nobody wants fucking "Looking after", we're adults! he's so patronizing.

He never shows any enthusiasm for ANYHING unless it's something HE wanted to do. Our upcoming holiday to the other side of the world for instance in 6 weeks - he's barely spoken about it. So frustrating. He never speaks about our supposed wedding next year. In fact, he wanted to cancel it and save the money so we could do a festival instead (nice priorities there). I compromised and said we'd do the wedding and go to the festival as our honeymoon. He agreed yet a couple of weeks later has invited his son and girlfriend to the festival with us as if it's just a normal jolly away camping. I was like "hey, that's supposed to be our honeymoon! did you forget??" and he replied "oh I know but they won't camp with us, we'll just be taking them down in car". It's like the whole thing is NOTHING to him.

I used to love him so much but lately I just can't be arsed with him. I can't be arsed with his lack of enthusiasm, I can't be arsed with his sarcasm, I can't be arsed with his constant pessimism - I daydream about being engaged to a man who actually, genuinely wanted me and wanted to make me happy.

I think I'm marrying for financial security alone. I've denied it to myself for ages but when I truely think about it, I don't want this for the rest of my life :-( How do you know when you no longer love someone??

[canweseethebunnies]

I've got a feeling you won't go through with it. You know you don't want to marry him. You sound like you are quite self aware. I don't think you will physically be able to drag yourself down the aisle!

End it as soon as you feel able, as it will only get harder. And don't be embarrassed about what other people think. It's not something worth saving face over. Good luck!

[kaykayblue]

Dear lord. If this is how you think of him, then don't marry him. If it was a week before the wedding then it would be difficult, but with the wedding a whole year away? Just cancel it! He sounds insufferable.

Save yourself a hell of a lot of money on a wedding and the inevitable divorce by just calling it off.

[LaurieFairyCake]

The best advice I've ever heard about marriage is:

Don't get married to someone you wouldn't have a happy divorce with

• if people followed that advice on Mumsnet the relationship threads would be much quieter

[hellsbellsmelons]

Well you seem a bit more self aware than in your previous thread.
But advice is as before and the same as everyone else.
Do NOT marry this man.
Start to put together an exit plan and leave him.
You don't love him. You don't even like him.
Time to take charge and kick him to the curb.

[eddielizzard]

i dunno. he sounds like a catch. i don't know what to do with myself if i didn't have a man around to tell me what to do! i'd definitely sign up for a lifetime of this. he sounds like a breath of fresh air.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Please don't marry him - you know it will be a disaster.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

When you say 'I used to love him so much'.... how long ago was that and how long have you been together?

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Yep, agree with everyone else. Do not marry him, it's only downhill from here!

Your last question 'How do you know when you no longer love someone?' You just know. You already know you no longer love this man. Why prolong the agony and live with knowing you've made the biggest mistake of your life for years? You say yourself that you daydream about being with someone who makes you happy. You know he isn't that person, so cut your losses now. You have a year til the wedding, much better to cancel now than dump him at the altar, or, even worse, have years of misery ahead of you. Take control of your future.

[MissMilbanke]

So out of 32 posts you've got no one telling you to go ahead, give it another chance and marry him.

What's your gut instinct telling you now ???

[Needasilverlining]

I remember the wedding vs festival thread. I thought he sounded like a selfish arse who deserved to be dumped.

Now he sounds like a rude, patronising, know it all, sexist selfish arse who deserves to be dumped.

OP, you know what to do really, don't you? Is this really all you want for yourself? You sound lovely, believe you're worth more.

[Scarletohello]

You've posted about this man before and the advice was pretty unanimous. If you stay with him you will have an unhappy life where your wants and needs will never be listened to or prioritised. You need to leave him. What's stopping you? Believe me, the fears in your head are nowhere as bad as the life you will be creating if you stay with this man. Have the courage of your convictions and plan a great life on your own. Please!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"Why prolong the agony and live with knowing you've made the biggest mistake of your life for years?"

I suspect - as well as him being minted which can't be overlooked as a big incentive to go through with the wedding - the OP believes this man represents some kind of last chance saloon and that, if they kick him to the kerb, they'd have nothing to look forward to beyond loneliness.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

You ask,
How do you know when you no longer love someone??

Read what this person said:
I used to love him so much but lately I just can't be arsed with him. I can't be arsed with his lack of enthusiasm, I can't be arsed with his sarcasm, I can't be arsed with his constant pessimism - I daydream about being engaged to a man who actually, genuinely wanted me and wanted to make me happy.

That is someone recognising things have gone wrong before she goes to the altar. Nothing with her fiance promises new, fresh, untapped, genuine.

Seriously if you have DCs together it is not easy to walk out or tell their dad you are finished. But as things stand now the marriage will go phut very quickly. Please be honest with yourself.

[Needasilverlining]

Plus it's a fucking FESTIVAL, not a trip to the North Pole. What a part.

[Needasilverlining]

Prat. Not part. Stupid autocorrect.

[Finney2]

Love him? OP you don't even fucking like him.

Why, for the love of God, would you marry him?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think it's a conflation of 'man' and 'explain'.... the type of arsehole that thinks all women are rather pathetic & stupid and need the world to be clarified through the prism of their vast intellect.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Preciousbane, Cog beat me to it - a man explains things to a woman, in such a way she feels silenced, belittled.

[DorothyBastard]

Please don't marry him Headless. The heartache you will go through with calling off the wedding now pales in comparison with the heart ache of actually marrying this wanker and inevitably getting divorced after who knows how many years of being ground down. Please prioritise yourself.

[ShakeYourTailFeathers]

God he sounds like a friend's ex - we could stand to be in the same room as the smug fuck.

Go and find a nice man who's NICE to you OP. You can't put up with this shit for the next 30+ years.

[ShakeYourTailFeathers]

*couldn't stand

[movingtoourwillow]

Feel for you OP, but think you know what you need to do. I'm imagining the weight you'll feel being lifted off your shoulders when you make the break.

On the 'mansplaining' thing I think possibly the most incensing incidences of this are when a man knows that a woman is far more knowledgable on a subject than them but they still insist on explaining to the woman...WTF??!!