The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sipping Super Summer Mocktails Whilst Soaking Up Some Sun.

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm what some would call a 'controlled' drinker these day, but I wasn't always and I'm not alone on this wonderful bus, Gerald, when I say that.

We have drinkers who drink each day, those who abstain completely and those who are not sure what it is that they actually want just yet....

We won't judge you for drinking, no matter what your reason is, we've all been in your shoes somewhere along the way!! And we have ALL used every excuse under the sun too!

We have some Babes who ride on the Roof-Rack, (clinging on for dear life ) and then we have an expandable Side-Car, which some Babes use, but the bus, well, the bus, our wonderful Gerald, who takes us here and there, to pick up people in need of an unbiased and much needed ear to listen to. :)

There are lots of ears on this bus, and not a single one will turn you away and not listen!

Two things that we do believe here are -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

If you are lurking and reading this thread, there is a reason for it, isn't there?

Stay lurking or come and say hello! We don't always bite.

And for those who'd like a bit of history, HERE'S THE LAST THREAD

And of course, THIS IS WHY WE ARE ALL HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, A VERY AWE INSPIRING READ

See you soon x

Hi all, thank you so much for your kind words, yesterday was not as bad as it could have been. Today I have the itch again though, will try my hardest to keep af or at least in control.

It's great to read how so many of you are doing so well now.

One day at a time x

Hello all, I am fortunate enough to say I have never had an alcohol problem but have had mental health probs in the last where it took a glass of wine to feel "normal". Thankfully I was able to recognise the risk of it being a slippery slope and got help. I never drank to excess.

I am glad to have found this thread though as I support a dear friend who does have severe alcohol probs. He has been sober now for five weeks but has been here before having gone through detox twice. I am so proud if him for achieving this five weeks.

He is a fairly isolated man and we met through a shared love of music. We are not in a relationship as I don't want or need one. We are good friends though and as he is quite isolated I have offered use of my house for a curry night on his birthday this year....we have mutual friends so it's fine. The only going is that he wants to drink on his birthday, I will not judge him no matter what he decides but wondered what you more experienced folk thought about that. Would it be a slippery slope?

This man literally has nobody, no family, abusive childhood etc and went through a massive breakdown 20 years ago which led to the drinking. He is now in a much better place despite his ongoing depression etc and about to start work again for the first time since his breakdown. Hence I feel he needs support and befriending etc. in fact it's not just befriending in my case as I genuinely like him and we get on well. I want to support him to make the right decision about his birthday....but I'll not judge him about drinking if that is what he decides.

Any thoughts? Sorry for thread hijack btw but it seemed the right place having read through it and the previous one.

Sorry to hear about your loss obrigada, so terribly had when a friend or acquaintance dies suddenly like that.

How are you doing fated, are you managing to resist scratching the itch? I'm on my first AF free day in months, and feeling sorry for myself (with the occasional, "yeah I'm doing it").

Jake, I don't think I can be as helpful as some of the wiser, more long-standing babes, but for me, if I decide to drink, or more likely, not even give any thought to NOT drinking, I am the only one making the decision. I might be well aware that I am never going to be in control, but I can kid myself it'll just be today and tomorrow I'll be fine. I think you are being a lovely supportive friend, but you have also probably answered your own question about the slippery slope. Then again he's got sober before, so perhaps it will be a short slope ? (Sorry, was going for a metaphor, but gave up half way through!).

4.15 already, warding off the witching hour with Greenall's Ginger and lemon grass cordial - I'd forgotten how good it was, the ginger gives it a buzz. But I am feeling exhausted and headachy, still, it will be worth it.

jake I have thought about your post long and hard and I am no nearer a conclusion.... I'm relatively new to sobriety so feel a bit too naive to comment productively, it's really a hit or a miss if your friend can have that "just one night" or the start of something damaging, I would say it's a dangerous call for him to make. The wise babes will give you much more substantiated advice but what I will say he is very very lucky to have a friend like you in his corner xxx

sweet sober Saturday night here too, eat something nice, I'm having a Chinese and by the time I've eaten that I know I'll be stuffed and happy to slop on the couch. Think of tomorrow and how fab you will feel, today I had a brilliant, productive and very upbeat day, more than made up for my slightly melancholy boredom last night. Stay strong honey xx

Love to all, love this amazing bus xx

Glad you're having a good day, Baby, got myself mushroom pappardelle from M&S, and a punnet of cherries ("how bloody much? My mum gives them away by the carrier bag full"). Chinese sounds good, but DS doesn't like it, so I'd have to ping something for him anyway!

But, I've made it this far, the evening doesn't worry me, it's that starting to wind down time between 4&6 for me, and the only glass I need to avoid is the first one, fingers crossed!

hi Jake good on you for supporting your friend.

I'd say it would be a really BAD idea for your friend to drink on his birthday After 5 weeks he will be developing some good habits about not drinking, and his body will be in the midst or repairing itself and rebalancing electrolytes and vitamins. But most of all I have found that if I have a drink, even after a long period of not-drinking, it feels like my cravings are awakened and the subsequent week is a struggle - again. It is as if the alcohol need gets stimulated and having some, just makes me want more.

Drinking on his birthday also reinforces the notion that alcohol is a 'treat' or 'reward' that he is being deprived of, and that on his birthday he should be allowed that treat. Much better for me to think of it as something that I can't really tolerate, that poisons my body, and instead to really learn how to enjoy a non-alcohol fuelled birthday.

The difficulty is that your friend is an adult who can only make his own choices. If he has already decided to drink (and he may be quite fixated on it, there is nothing you can do to stop him. It also depends on how much he intends to drink. If he is planning to get off his face with a bunch of mates, then personally I'd send him off to do it somewhere else and not host the curry night for him - no collusion. If he just wants something beer like with his curry what about Becks Blue? I'm not a beer drinker but others on here have recommended it.

And if he is planning to have just one drink, then can you suggest that he has it as his LAST drink of the night, and not his first drink. So all the early drinks would be non-alcoholic keeping him hydrated. Doing it the other way round is a recipe for the slippery slope. I know that once I've had one drink, I can no longer hold to my resolve.

Hi jake that is a hard situation. Like baby I can't see an obvious solution. If you don't mind some general opinions then:

If an alcoholic has decided to drink,there is nothing you can do to stop them.
Personally,I think 5 weeks is way too early on in sobriety to try some birthday drinks.

I wonder if he is getting any other support? I'm thinking about AA /councelling?

I don't wish to be harsh,though I know my opinions sound harsh- sorry.
As a last thought- I wouldn't be prepared to buy any alcohol for his birthday,if he brings his own then that's up to him. I'm sorry he's had a horrible time but there is not one thing on that list that will be made better by an alcoholic in the early few weeks of recovery taking a drink.

I'm sorry- really not trying to be mean.

X post with venus who has a good deal more grace and tact than I do.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do jake

Evening Venus, evening Guggs. Wise as ever, have you both had good days?

DS has his eyes on my bowl of cherries . . . Grrrr . . . Back off kid, they're MY treat, mine, all mine.

Af not happening. Am shit x

fated you're not shit, it is just that you are facing up to something really, really difficult, and not yet winning. YET. But you still can.

What can you notice from today? Did you have drink already in the house, or did you go out and buy it specially? How were you feeling (apart from wanting a drink) - were you tired, or lonely, or hungry? For so many years I used alcohol to meet every need: feeling tired - have a drink; feeling angry - have a drink; feeling happy - have a drink etc etc, and so eventually whatever I was feeling my first reaction was to reach for a drink. I had to learn all the more normal ways to deal with feelings and emotions..... feeling thirsty - have a glass of water; feeling bored - do some knitting... and if I delayed having a drink until I'd tried all of those then sometimes the feeling of wanting a drink had gone away a bit.

This really is a process of learning that tactics that work for you, and the things that throw you off track. If it was as easy as 'just stopping' then I guess we'd all have done it...

The other thing I learned was that a craving for alcohol was very different than a need for food or water. With either of those the need gets worse and worse until it is satisfied, and I always imagined tht it was the same with alcohol - so when I felt a desperate craving I would give in (before it got worse). But actually I've found that whilst the craving can be very intense, mostly if I can distract myself enough, it subsides - at least a bit.

Is there anything that you can do now to limit the damage? Can you have a big glass of water (even if you just intersperse alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks). Can you clean your teeth with strong toothpaste, so that the drink at least tastes horrible?

Fated, it is a really tough thing you are doing. Go easy on yourself, try and do what Venus suggests, and try again tomorrow, the bus will still be here.

fated a wise babe told me it would take many many attempts to get to where I wanted to be and they were sooo right. instead of seeing it as failing every time I went back to drinking I just learned from it and armed with more knowledge about myself tried and tried again. I'm still trying but I'm not tired trying, I'm a step closer to my sobriety. you have a lifetime bus pass, we all do, big hugs xxx

Morning babes
Sorry to not nc I just wanted to hop on here quickly and mark my 50 days AF. It's amazing. I feel fantastic. It gets easier and easier. The intensity of the cravings has diminished tenfold. Yesterday I really actually did feel like drinking, but it's nowhere near the same as the first few weeks. I know I can get past the emotional desire to get hammered. I know it passes so I just kind of think about it and let it go. I have no intention of going back to that life ever again.

All I can say to anyone who wants to give up just keep going. Just keep giving up. Same old line "if I can do it, so can you".

It's midday Sunday here and usually I'd be starting with those awful head fuck conversations of can I start drinking now. What excuse can I use etc. etc. All afternoon the battle would go on. It's just all gone.

Life is truly much, much better without alcohol. I know I'm not safe from lapses, and never will be, but I'm so determined and so much happier.
Soc xx

soc I'm so very very pleased for you, you are a shining example of where I aim to be and the ever positive vibes of your posts are awesome. you've worked so hard for this and I'm genuinely chuffed to bits for you and your an inspiration yo us all xxx

day 7 here and feeling tired, the sleep problem is catching up with me. I've been eating shit and feel bloated and sluggish so enough food compensation and tomorrow it's healthy eating and excercise, I don't want to work this hard for sobriety to feel fat and spotty by eating crap but I guess it's a temporary trade off.

have a great Sunday and you all make me feel much.less alone in my quest so thank you xx

Soc, I want to be you when I grow up! You are an amazing inspiration
I've had the predictable terrible first AF sleep, but I'm up for ploughing through it and clocking up day two. Going on a Sky Ride today with DS, so fingers crossed for a dry day.

Today, I will not drink, Happy Sunday Babes

X posted. Morning Baby. One battle at a time eh?

good luck sweet sounds amazing xx

Morning! Sounds as if we are all muddling through. I've had three dry days. Sleep hasn't been great. I'm also struggling to deal with my muted mood - the highs just don't feel very high without a drink. Wondering if I'm depressed, but it's difficult to tell things apart atm. Anyone know where I'm coming from? Stay strong...

Hello everyone, I'm slinking back after drinking quite a lot over the weekend. Thank you for kind posts and good advice further upthread, I'm only just catching up today but I really appreciate the support. Friday was a night out with friends, a special occasion, babysitter booked and everything so in my desire to moderate, this would be an ideal night to have an occasional drink. However I went way over the top. I drank before I left the house and had a bottle in ready for when I got home. I had fun, nothing embarrassing happened, but yesterday was a complete hungover waste of a day. I've had some gorgeous hangover-free days recently where we've spent quality family time together so my inability to do this yesterday was highlighted even more.

Despite this knowledge I still drank too much lastnight. Completely habitually as I have in the past treated a hangover to a bottle of red the next evening. Shamefully I went to the shop to buy another bottle as dh decided that he'd like a glass (this is an occasional glass) and I didn't want to have to stop at two glasses.

Please don't judge but I know il drink today as there is half a bottle left.

My drinking over these past few days (Thursday - Sunday) is pretty typical of me. I think I feel worse about it because since beginning to post on here I'm very aware that I'm failing to cut back.

Sorry for such a self indulgent post. I have read every one of yours and will post back later. I just needed to get my early morning thoughts down and bring myself back to the reality of trying to get a seat on the bus xx

Hi Peony, it's hard to feel "woohoo" if sleep isn't right, that will come, and you are readjusting to a whole new normal (hopefully). Can you explain what it is you're missing about the 'high'? And objectively, is there anything positive you can say about being AF? Redefine what counts as a 'high'. For me, on most days, the AF time until I can get home from the school run, or whatever means I have to refrain, is just a bore, I'm grumpy while I count down to wine o'clock; but, when I take a conscious decision like this weekend (albeit not often enough), I actually get a sense of euphoria from making that conscious decision, from proving that I'm in control, not WW. I know after a week or so, that will fade, and I have to start doing some hard work on myself, but it drags me through (with support from the Babes.

Hi Sweet - I guess it somehow feels more difficult to 'connect' with people. I appear a complete extrovert, but can be a little shy, at least inwardly. I like the warm and fuzzy feeling alcohol gives me - probably the escape from reality. I do like the sense of being in control by not drinking, but I don't feel myself (probably because I'm usually slightly under the influence). I'm also dreading several social events coming up. Usually I would get completely hammered. I wondering if I can face them sober and whether it would be best not to go.

I completely get where you're coming from Alison. That is me all over, just somehow I'm managing not to drink atm.

Hi Alison, you know there are no judgey-pants on the bus, we're all here for the same basic reason, give yourself a break, you know things have to change, and that's a good thing. Can you work on not finishing the bottle, just for today, the wine will still be there tomorrow (unless you actively throw it away of course) drinking it will only make you feel like you do now - which you're not enjoying.

Peony, I know those anxieties all too well, but perhaps if you can plan for the social events, visualise yourself asking for a soft drink first (you can always have wine next); and by the time everyone else there has had their first, it won't matter that your sober, they won't notice. You could make it a research project, observe just how silly, embarrassing or just plain boring alcohol can make people (all the time it is persuading us we are warm, fuzzy, confident, amusing etc).

I am only on day two, so I'm not the best source of advice, but staying AF is a great gift to ourselves, and we should value ourselves enough to accept it.