The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Sipping Super Summer Mocktails Whilst Soaking Up Some Sun.

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm what some would call a 'controlled' drinker these day, but I wasn't always and I'm not alone on this wonderful bus, Gerald, when I say that.

We have drinkers who drink each day, those who abstain completely and those who are not sure what it is that they actually want just yet....

We won't judge you for drinking, no matter what your reason is, we've all been in your shoes somewhere along the way!! And we have ALL used every excuse under the sun too!

We have some Babes who ride on the Roof-Rack, (clinging on for dear life ) and then we have an expandable Side-Car, which some Babes use, but the bus, well, the bus, our wonderful Gerald, who takes us here and there, to pick up people in need of an unbiased and much needed ear to listen to. :)

There are lots of ears on this bus, and not a single one will turn you away and not listen!

Two things that we do believe here are -

1. • The Vulnerable Need Our Support, Not Our Judgement
2. • Alcohol Fosters Inertia

If you are lurking and reading this thread, there is a reason for it, isn't there?

Stay lurking or come and say hello! We don't always bite.

And for those who'd like a bit of history, HERE'S THE LAST THREAD

And of course, THIS IS WHY WE ARE ALL HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, A VERY AWE INSPIRING READ

See you soon x

Hi mouse things are sort of ok, a fair bit of stress but that's easing. Or is maybe easier to cope with if I'm not drinking every night.
I've been on the bus nearly a year now and for all I'm still drinking - never intended to completely stop - things have significantly improved. Like I've done the school run every single day - the two years previously h did the morning run as I worked late. Fact was I drank late and couldn't pull myself round till nine...I no longer detour on the way home from work to get wine at 9.30 at night. I'd do this even though I was tired and only wanted a glass which seems ridiculous. I'd get my off duty and plan the amount I could drink around it, a good week was if I only had twenty two units, an af day was when I just finished the dregs of a bottle! So I'm nowhere near perfect but I'm in a better place than I was :)

vicar you are on your way. This is not an easy journey or a short one, but we are all on it together and making the first step is the hardest. No-one here will judge you when you fall but you might get a slap round the chops with a wet squid. Its how we show we care!
dayz you OK?
baby you are doing brilliantly! You and the socmeister are rocking the bus.
beaches and rural are you guys out there?
thurso?
And where the feck is indie??? I am getting worried.....

ma are those trolley snacks up to your new Downing Street standards?

Hi all

Again, so many inspiring stories here. You're all keeping me going.

I've been on the Drinkaware site tonight and tracked a 'typical' drinking week for me. It's easily 50 plus units. I don't know if swearing is acceptable on this thread but, fuck!!! I've been downing nearly 4000 calories in wine a week. As well as seriously damaging my health. Why hadn't this occurred to me before?

I drank on Thursday and Friday - total 22 units. I've not drunk this weekend. I've always thought that I couldn't be totally abstinent but what would be so bad about living a life with no excessive drinking?

This might sound a bit rambling and like I'm stating the obvious. I did not know how much I was drinking and how much harm it was doing. I just need to post this.

ohmyword your post shook me up a little as it was so close to home, it scared me. I have suffered every emotion and physical after effects you stated and more. Your morning today was mine every weekend and and nausea and tiredness every week day. I was sinking 12 bottles a week and my life and mental health was a shambles. I began to have episodes where I'd black out at home and towards the end I was sneaking vodka until on a caravan holiday my dad had to come to the holiday park and drag me unconscious to the car and they very nearly took me to hospital to have my stomach pumped but were scared if the repercussions for my children if agencies were involved. This was the last of a sequence of destructive binges and everyone who loved me told me, they would not protect me anymore and in killing myself before their very eyes was killing them too.

I'm only telling you this because that was a month ago today and their ultimatum was a blessing. Believe you me, a bottle of wine was my crutch for so long I had 3 days of vomitting my own bile, I believe I had alcohol poisoning the symptoms were so bad, only the 24hr care of my family kept me out of hospital, it was hell on earth..... BUT since I stopped drinking I have my life back, the depression that has plagued me is gone, my anxiety attacks have diminished, my skin is no longer crepe and no one asks if my dd who's 3 is my granddaughter (im43). I won't lie the first week is tough but I swear by thiamin (vitamin b1)
I believe doctors prescribe it to alcoholics detoxing to help with withdrawal, 300mg per day (from amazon) and I truly believe it's a game changer as I failed a 100 times before. Lots of water, sweet treats to replace the sugar which is often more of the physical withdrawal than the alcohol and eat well and go for done big long walks. You remind me so much of myself and I shiver at how dark those days were, my dh was in despair, my parents worried to death, my dd1 confused and scared at my Jerkyl and Hyde character and my teenage DD was disgusted, worried and ashamed in equal measures.

I am a truly different person, I spend my wine money i. A weekly treat so I have a new hair do, new makeup and new clothes and a new sense of pride and self respect and the relief in my daughters eyes humbles me every single day. You can so do this and the most important factor in all of this was this amazing bus and the beautiful souls who will hold your hand every single second, myself included, you are so so brave to post that first post and vicar that's for you too babe. At this stage nothing had happened that can't be fixed, I isolated and ignored every friend I had and know my family were so hurt and confused that their love was not enough so you have it all to play for and we are here, I only shared my story because many if the babes don't know how bad things actually got and I've turned everything around with this bus and my very dear friends on here to support me so now it's your turns and I totally believe in all you newbies cos you HERE and that's the hardest bit pressing send that first time.

Big hugs and sorry for droning on xxxx

Margaret swearing is absolutely allowed! Fuck yeah!
Its terrifying when you actually start doing the maths isn't it? How many calories? How much money? How many units? I was about 50 units a week too. Still am sometimes but the last couple of weeks have been down to about half that. Still too much but heading in the right direction.
Every mouthful undrunk, or chucked down the sink is progress. Step by bloody step, day by bloody day.
AF here tonight but had pretty much a whole bottle last night.

margaret when I first looked at the drinkaware site I was OUTRAGED that they VERY dare suggest that my drinking may be anything other than sophisiticated,european styleee imbibing. with a bit of time I began to take the message on board that alcohol wasn't doing me any good at all.In a way that site was my starting point to getting sober.
So not rambling at all,I can identify with that sense of shock and denial and that horrible out of the comfort zone place. Well done for tackling your drinking.

Night night babes

Oooh yes,swearing... Bloody hope it's allowed- I do a lot of it both on here and in rl too.

Good point about the missing babes ma,maybe they could just hop on and say hi- doesn't matter whether you are drinking or not,just let us know if you're ok.

I was impressed with you meeting the Downing St cat

Ok x post with baby

Oh baby I'm really loving the change in you and it's as different as night and day. I suspected that things had got really bad for you,alcohol has no respect for who you are or how lovely a person you can be,it takes everything away bit by bit.

You are opening up here and reaching out to help as many as you can.Think you deserve all the opal fruits and anything you fancy off mouse's tea trolly. To manage all of that with a painful health condition- wow! you are amazing. Best wishes to you. I'm taking B1 at 100 mg on your reccomendation but might up it a bit.

Do keep 'droning on',lovely- it's music to our ears.

Really am going to bugger orff to bed now...

baby that's an incredible story. Thanks for sharing.

I'm just really quite angry with myself for having slept walked into this stupid situation. I dealt with five years of unexplained infertility, a miscarriage, five rounds of treatment to get DD. I treated myself really well, tried to understand and respect my body despite its failure to fucking work and didn't drink.And now I spend the last year and a half doing this??

Hmm. Off to bed with tea. Going to channel anger tomorrow into hike with dog, mega house clean then gym class with my mate.

Night everyone and thanks. You're some of the most honest people I've met.

i really need to do this.
tonight i drank a full bottle of white wine. followed by a glass of red i had left. followed by a gin and tonic.

i am spending at least £5 a day on booze. at least. every day. im trying to envisage what i could do with that money....it could be a holiday.

im so scared i cant do this.

Thanks guggs that means a lot to me, you held my shaking hand so tightly and supported me every step of the way, you are my guardian angel and my friend.

margaret the first step, the most important of all is forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. My self loathing and self disgust got heavier to bear and I needed more booze to forget so the self loathing, anxiety, overwhelming sense of failure grew as did the alcohol I consumed did too, eventually being unconscious was my only escape. I asked my dh a few weeks ago how I could ever make it up to the people I had hurt so badly and the answer was a mere 4 words "just keep getting better". Please forgive yourself, anger will propel you for a short time but forgiveness and hope will give you endless strength if you let it in.

We all have a story or we wouldn't be on this thread but my late gran had a wonderful saying which I live by "it's not where you start it's where you finish" that's what defines us.

Xxxx

BabyJ You speak the plain, hard truth. You are an inspiration.

Big Hugs baby. xx

Goodnight babes, I have almost finished day 1 AGAIN today. I just lost it again yesterday. Felt enormously depressed, polished off a bottle of wine in the middle of the day and then went to bed to sleep it off. It didn't even taste nice. I just felt so defeated.

I seem to be able to cope fine with not drinking at social events. My main trigger is emotional stress.

But I'm back on the bus and I really, really want to stay on this time. Hard as those 16 days of sobriety were, things were starting to get easier and I felt so much better about myself.

I've decided to take AA more seriously for the moment and to put my twinges of scepticism on the back burner for now. (Thanks, venus, for your words of wisdom - I'd never dream of dissing anyone else's chosen method of battling alcohol addiction. People who live in glass houses and all that!) There are lots of AA meetings within cycling distance of where I live, and for reasons that aren't yet entirely clear to me, I do seem to find it easier to cope when I'm going to more of them. Everyone is quite low-key and despite their breathless veneration of the 12 Steps, no one there is pressuring me to do anything. They're just very sympathetic. So yeah, I'm planning on going to one meeting a day this week, and texting my sponsor religiously whenever the urge to drink becomes too strong. And checking in with the Bus of course!

mouse, it's lovely to see you back. I'm sorry you're living with so much pain (literally) and I really hope you get a new hip sooner rather than later.

wry, you're being so strong, it's an inspiration! Bravissima!

pink, your story is very inspiring. And yours too baby!

sobersoc, for the blog link.

margaret, my stats were like yours. I know that the state of one's liver is more important than the size of one's midriff, but I suspect the WW is largely to blame for the fact that most of my clothes don't fit me any more.

dayz, vicar, hugs to you (being American, I am allowed to dispense hugs liberally even though they are purportedly unMNetty). You've come to the right place.

Even though I seem to need the RL support of AA in addition to online support, I value the Bus, because AA is rather full of old men (nothing wrong with that of course) and it's on the Bus that I recognise women like myself: articulate, exhausted women who are trying to keep massive numbers of juggling balls in the air simultaneously (DC, health, relationships, work, whatever). There's no magic formula to keep all the balls going all of the time but at least I know I'm not alone.

You can do it, vicar.

baby said, the first step, the most important of all is forgive yourself and be kind to yourself.

This. It's not about self-improvement, it's about self-acceptance.

vicar I know your scared but your not alone, get up tomorrow, mark day one in your diary and post as often as you want. We can answer your questions about withdrawal, we can listen if your sad or anxious and we can hold your hand from anywhere in the world, we keep plodding on ONE DAY AT A TIME, so if you think of it we're all at the place no matter how many days sober, tomorrow is the only one that matters for now. Big squishy hug and be kind to yourself, as the lovely Scarlet O'hara said "tomorrow is another day.. Xx

Yeah, about the one day at a time thing, AA has a leaflet called 'Just for Today' that I find remarkably soothing. It starts out,

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

thank you, all of you brave brave babes.

im going to AA weds so thats my D day. thats the day i will be counting as Day 1.

im booking a weekend retreat to learn to meditate - end of sept. maybe i can reconcile myself to something other than the booze....find peace, learn to stop and live the moment. AA meet on weds....not sure what to expect. half expecting to find a bunch of crusty old men.....

Hi babes, just a quick check in to let you know I am never too far away. Am not doing too well at beating old saggy tits right now so keeping quiet but alway read and follow all your posts.

I don't have a hope of posting all the thoughts I have had as I read through but mostly it is 'wow' or 'so true' or 'fucking shocking language'

baby loving to see you grow in confidence and strength. It was brave and kind to post your story

Spanna as always sweethpea, it brightens my day to see you here. Hope Paul McKenna soothes some of those cravings - it definitely helped me. Hang in there, sometimes the funds just force the decision but this may be what's needed. Xx

Isinde please check in. (If only to defend the rabbit vs car incident)

To all other babes, old and new. You are a lovely bunch of different and interesting women and it is so inspiring and comforting. The bus is always a good place to be. Xxxx

Last night I explained my decisions for not drinking to DH. I told him I might not ever drink again (increasingly, I'm seeing that as an option for me). He listened carefully and said he understood.

He drinks heavily too. He always has. He's a sportsman who takes very good care of himself diet and exercise wise. But the sporty crowd he mixes with are drinkers. It's seen very much as that macho 'guy' thing to drink to excess. Coupled with a stressful job, this has meant there have always been beers in the fridge, good quality wine around at home.

There's no way I'm blaming DH for my excess drinking. However, it's been a factor. I can't make him cut down or stop. But I think I planted a seed last night. I'm surprised in some ways how much he listened and understood my point.

Anyway, it's day three here for me. Exercise class has been cancelled so going to do Jillian DVD instead. Have a good day everyone!

Wow just wow !! fantastic stories fantastic ladies - I am day 2 (again) - got to not pick up the first drink - today I am not drinking :)

Hi vicard, as I mentioned upthread, I went to my first AA meeting last Monday. Going to go again tonight so as to give it a proper chance.

I was petrified but everyone was welcoming and friendly. I don't mean to sound judgy about anything I say next but this was my general impression:

Things I liked:
The coffee
The fact that everyone was v friendly
The serenity prayer
The main speaker
The fact that I could 'pass' during the introductions
The glimpses of similarities and recognition

Things I didn't like (and bear in mind that I'm a delicate little flower):
The strong smell of cigarette smoke
The swearing
The chorusing at anyone who spoke
The holding hands at the end (ugh ugh ugh)
The fact that the differences were so extreme, it was sometimes hard to find similarities

I don't know if it's for me, I've started reading the Jason Vale book and it's helping me lots (and is diametrically opposed to the AA philisophy) but I will give AA a chance.

So anyway, this week I've been af on 5 out of 7 days and sober on all of them. I drank one glass of red on Friday with dinner and enjoyed it. I drank half a bottle of prosecco on Saturday with my MIL at a family gathering and didn't really enjoy it all. I didn't want to drink but got persuaded into it. So that was interesting. I suppose I'm on day 2 again but I'm not really interested in the counting, more the being sober. Anyway, today I will not be drinking.