DP refusing to talk to me saying 'I will not be dictated to'

[Perplexing]

I pled (?sp) with him and begged him to talk to me.

I am off sick with depression and anxiety and have been on medication 4 days. I just wanted to talk to him about how I felt and get some comfort. He refused, saying whatever he says and does is wrong and 'I refuse to be dictated to' (his exact words) and repeated 'I am not talking to you'.

I said the only thing wrong is that you're not talking to me - please, please talk (crying by this point), and he again refused saying I shout at and abuse him. I did shout out of frustration and as I was so upset, but the only 'abuse' was to call him selfish and cruel and that he never talks to me (all true).

Aibu to think that the most basic expectation of a relationship should be ability to talk and be listened to?

He then told ds (7) he could stay up until 9pm watching football and I said he couldn't. A row erupted and he has now driven off with ds saying ds was getting upset. I wish ds hadn't witnessed it but I feel so ill and all the pent up frustration came out. Now feel even worse about DS.

Focus on your DS.
Focus on yourself.

I think that you need to talk to all the support lines that you have available and see what they suggest.

Thanks all. I have true don't asking him for support; but when he is literally the only person in RL I can talk to it's hard not to try ....

That should have said 'I have tried not asking him....'

Joan, I agree about the overruling. But I thought 9pm was way too late for a 7 year old with school tomorrow. And was astonished and disappointed that dp had considered that time ok.

He sounds your main problem, a man who loved you wouldn't treat you like this.

Indians - mother with severe dementia
Father is 80 also unwell
One other relative who abused me when younger.
I have 'friends' (from work etc) but not the sort I could broach all this with. However well meaning they are I just couldn't.

Indians, I told GP I didn't want to live but that I had no specific plans to end my life. I was given ADs and told to come back in 2 weeks.

Fluffy, I am so confused as he says he does love me but doesn't want to do any of the things love entails. It's like he loves me 'in theory' which I am finding pretty useless.

We can be your secret support, if you like, OP? Whenever you're desperate to reach out to someone, come talk to us. Or think, "I'm going to post about these feelings, soon as I get the chance."

I think, sadly, he probably doesn't understand love in the way that you and I do, OP.

Thank you Charlotte. And everyone else.

You've no idea how it's helped as I felt so alone earlier. I know I m not perfect and have problems but all it needed was a hug or just for him to listen. It's like he was pushing me away, pushing me to hurt myself. I will take the advice to ficus on getting better first, but I just wish I had a dp or close friend I could talk to. It is so pathetic to gave to PAY someone (ie my counsellor) to talk / listen to me.

No specific advice but I am a first time poster here and having just started my own thread I am finding it so helpful to post and rant and have people listen to me and be supportive. Having people reply to me has helped me feel that I'm not going mad, please keep posting.

Thank you tisnot, it is really helpful on here and vital to gives some perspective as well as the support.

You could try Women's Aid, especially if you are thinking that you want to separate in the future, but even if you're not, tbh. They can assign you a support worker who will come and see you and just chat if that's what's needed.

That's what they did with me, anyway.

Also, this might sound really needy but I would have thought he would at least come and try to apologise... Even if I told him where to go, it hurts me even more that he just doesn't care and makes no attempt to make things up.

Sounds just like my ex. He was an abusive arse.
I had depression and anxiety triggered by his treatment of me. It was shocking. I had no strength to leave him. Then he went to work away and I had three months to rebuild me. I then dumped the bastard.

Be kind to yourself op. Hes emotionally abusing you by bringing your dc into the argument.

Charlotte, I will google them thanks. Any source of support gratefully received.

I am learning that there are so many great charities out there and so much good work going on. If I ever recover, I swear I will run a half marathon for the Samaritans.

Thanks daisy. Glad you recovered and rebuilt your life.

If you've got time on your hands at the moment, you could read through some of the links on the EA support thread. Could be useful validation that it's not you and why he doesn't apologise etc.

Like Daisy, I found the strength to leave because I had space from him. That's why it's a good idea to detach emotionally, if you can't get physical space away from him.

Oh sweetheart. You poor lonely thing.

I'm a carer for my DH who has a mental disability, I suffer "compassion fatigue" at times but I could never treat him the way your DP behaves towards you.

Focus on you, and on rebuilding you, and on your son. We're here for you

I would phone women's aid and get the hell away from this looser. He is the reason you are depressed. Dont get councelling yet...get a divorce first.