If your DH or DP

[chockbic]

Went to punch you but didn't.

How would you react?

So he is "arsey, miserable, controlling" He has cheated on you, you walk on eggshells, and he has raised his fist to you.

The fact you had a dysfunctional childhood/relationship with your parents is telling.

If you really cannot face LTB now, can you at least get some counselling ( not with him) to gain strength?

I've had some counselling in the past. Probably not for long enough, to be honest. It seems to be navel gazing and self indulgent. For me, to clarify, not saying that it doesn't work for some folk.

Like I said before, I've got faults too. As we all do.

He's not a bad person and feel I've given him negative PR.

The way I feel is really do I want this? I'm not happy, he doesn't appear to be either.

Counselling isn't self indulgence, and even if it were, why not indulge :) You seem so lost, maybe it would help now.

Can you talk to him? Can you ask him if he is happy? Is it possible to sit down and have this sort of conversation without him having recourse to call you nagging or to arguing?

You know the phrase lead a horse to water ;)

We did talk a little about the incident. He said it wasn't like him.

I think he is happy with the status quo. Taking his work seriously, our relationship less so.

Yes HE is happy with the status quo. What incentive does he have to change it? What are you going to do about it?

Without going into detail it isn't easy for me to leave :(

It's not easy to leave. And, he knows it as well as you. The measure of a person is how they behave when the person they love is vulnerable, needs them, is weak. Yours is choosing to behave like this. Do you want to plan to leave?

Don't have the energy at the moment.

Feel utterly beaten.