Can you advise me on this issue (money)

[littlegreengloworm]

I will probably name change as giving away a lot of Info here but dh are married a few years, I am the higher earner and dh didn't have permanent work (but long term contract when we married)

He owns a house with a higher mortgage than me but is not prepared to sell it or for us to move not it, it is four bed with garden. Mine is very small no garden, dishwasher etc.

I am paying all the mortgage on my own and he pays his but gets rent from tenants. I agreed with this initially a few years ago.

I am getting increasingly resentful as baby two is on the way, I am in a high pressure job I no longer enjoy but I will stick at it. It's in my chosen profession and I am luckier than most.

I need to talk to him tonight and this is what I am going to suggest

We move out of mine and into his

We move put of mine and rent a larger one in same area- he will have to contribute to rent

We stay in mine and he pays towards mortgage

Either way we ill be out I this house by the time baby two arrives.

I am very thrifty, I don't think he realises how easy he has it and I'm not prepared to pay for the marital home alone anymore.

Am I being to harsh?

Thank you for by advise (just want to add he is a great dh but stubborn in his own way)

Move into it

I remember having this conversation with my dh when he first moved in with me. It took a while to explain that yes, his tenants covered his mortgage but that meant HE wasn't paying it. Which meant he could contribute to mine. He was a bit dim about it!!

But there's no way I'd have even embarked on living together unless costs were shared equally. I think you've been had a little.

Good luck with the conversation. You are well within your rights to ask for what you're asking for.

Have you looked at the capital gains tax side of it (assuming you are in UK)?

If you sold the house you live in would you use the proceeds to pay off part of the other mortgage?

Marriage equals sharing. My house, your house might be legally correct but within the context of a happy marriage you, as a couple own two properties. Together.

Move into the bigger one. No brainer.

When you're married and particularly when have a family you should pool all resources - money, ability - and chores - workload, housework etc. All money coming in and assets held should be regarded as jointly owned.
He's being really selfish in refusing to sell "his" house. Have it out with him tonight. Have a list of reasons why things have to change ready and a good handle on the family finances. Good luck.

Thank you so much. I didn't have great self esteem when we got married. I have toughened up a lot. If I sold my house I would still owe 70 grand on it. High unployment here, not much moving. Dh would break even so he could sell his but I think it's pride. He invested a lot in.

Why is annoying me is he paid rent up until we got married. I only get 30 pound for food and he doesn't know he's born. He gets all huffy and funny when I talk to him.

Up until a couple on months ago he spent most of the weekend at his parents and I'm only after sorting that out. I do most housework etc. home cooked meals.

I'm a mug :(

You're supposed to be a family. A team. This kind of dilemma is what marriage is really about.... In a healthy relationship you should be able to sit down together, talk about all aspects financial, income, outgoings, property, investments etc and decide what works best for the family as a whole rather than 'mine' and 'yours'. Similarly, if the work/life balance needs to change to reflect different phases like a new baby, you should also be able to talk about that together amicably, constructively and reach a consensus agreement that everyone's happy with.

What way would you start the conversation. I don't want him to bluff it all out of the way saying he can't afford it as he has to pay his.

I would complete a budget planner together in preparation for your maternity leave. Use your bank statements so it is accurate. Is he working full time?

He has no incentive to change, no need to spend his money, tenant paying mortgage, dw to cook and wash his pants. He is going to resist big time. Huffing shuts you up. Be prepared for big huffs.

Personally, I'd book a joint appointment with a financial advisor (an independent one, so you may need to pay).

Then you can thrash out everything from mortgages, pensions and wills with a mediator.

To really get your moneys worth, have an airy discussion about it to get thoughts moving in that direction.

Are you on the same page with paying for kids driving lessons, helping out with deposits, tuition fees, retirement plans etc?

30£ towards food is a disgrace! Is that all you get from him in all each month?

Sorry but you'd be better off as a single parent. He can't be a good father when he sees his wife go without. What kind of example are you setting for your children? That men treat women like sh*t and women put up with it? Sorry if that sounds harsh but you have a career and could do so much better.

You just need to have it out with him. If he huffs about it then call his bluff and ask him to leave. You must see that you cannot continue doing the lions share of everything.

:(

He still moans he doesn't get time for hobbies as I put my foot down about him leaving early on a Sunday morning for sport.

Honestly he is good in other ways, I get full oy for maternity but took an extra two months unpaid and didn't get an financial help. We spilt electric, phone bills etc half way.

I don't even keep the child benefit, I save it for the baby.

I think this is some sort of madness! Obviously you all move into his four bedroomed house! It's a total no brainer!

£30 for food? Is that it? Is that all he contributes? How pathetic.

Good in other ways isn't good enough, it really isn't.

He is a free loading man child.

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound like any kind of partnership that I'm familiar with. You're married so all income should be pooled and household income come out of that and anything left over should be shared. For personal spends, savings, investments or whatever you both agree on.

He's got a big family house which costs him nothing because the tenants cover the mortgage-payments and he contributes fuck-all towards the property you live in.

You could choose to split all expenses down the middle or contribute a percentage according your incomes as they differ but him living with you and contributing practically nothing is not on. Thirty quid, what's that for? Your monthly fruit and veg bill? What's he doing with all the money he has left over every month?

Fully expect him to huff and puff and put up maximum resistance by you rocking the boat. He needs a stern talking to and you must not give in. Honestly, he's very seriously taking the bloody piss.

Hang on, you can't have it both ways. First you said he only gives you £30 for food and then you said he pays half for opine, electric etc. which is it? £30 a what? Month/week?

Phone, not opine, whatever that is, autocorrect.

It doesn't sound as if you are getting a very good deal out of this arrangement. How you sort finances and share expenses has to be fair and agreed to by both. It's wrong you should be living in a small house while he owns a much larger one. Don't put up with this. Put your foot down and say sort it.

I gathered that he pays for half of the utilities and thirty quid a week for "housekeeping". A grown man could eat nearly thirty quid's worth of food and drink in one bloody day.

Get your bank statements out and copies of your till receipts from grocery shopping if you have them. Put it all in an excel spreadsheet and include EVERYTHING, all household spending right down to 12 a month for the TV license.

Him paying the mortgage on "his" house is a fucking lie. He doesn't, the tenants do. If he's not making a profit from letting that big house he's a financial incompetent and needs to saved from himself before he drags you down with him.

So he contributes £30 a month and some spunk to the marriage.

Send him back to his mum's for the weekend. Less mess.

OP has already said she does the cooking and housework.