Can you advise me on this issue (money)

[littlegreengloworm]

I will probably name change as giving away a lot of Info here but dh are married a few years, I am the higher earner and dh didn't have permanent work (but long term contract when we married)

He owns a house with a higher mortgage than me but is not prepared to sell it or for us to move not it, it is four bed with garden. Mine is very small no garden, dishwasher etc.

I am paying all the mortgage on my own and he pays his but gets rent from tenants. I agreed with this initially a few years ago.

I am getting increasingly resentful as baby two is on the way, I am in a high pressure job I no longer enjoy but I will stick at it. It's in my chosen profession and I am luckier than most.

I need to talk to him tonight and this is what I am going to suggest

We move out of mine and into his

We move put of mine and rent a larger one in same area- he will have to contribute to rent

We stay in mine and he pays towards mortgage

Either way we ill be out I this house by the time baby two arrives.

I am very thrifty, I don't think he realises how easy he has it and I'm not prepared to pay for the marital home alone anymore.

Am I being to harsh?

Thank you for by advise (just want to add he is a great dh but stubborn in his own way)

That's totally it badger. It's total pride. He doesn't want to admit he's bought a dud of a house.

A bit of me is thinking let him move out for a while because he will resent me for doing this.

The big joke is at the resident meetings everyone thinks we are co owners and yet I'm paying for everything. I really want to go part time after this baby.

do a spread sheet. show him how much it costs and how much has already been wasted since you've been together. translate for him how many years of full time work in a job you're not really enjoying anymore that equates to. ask him if it seems fair? it's madness what he's doing to all of your lives for a bit of pride but i do think you're going to need to step up and be assertive now and unafraid to be the one who is good at this stuff where he's clearly proved himself not to be able.

imagine this was a work situation.

your joint finances and future is like a company - would you really employ this man as the director of finances and not expect to be bankrupt?

also on that spread sheet work out how much rent would have to be charged to even break even and ask him in what decade he thinks rents will be at that rate? break down how much you will lose year on year not only in the surplus payments but in the absence of that money being invested into non dud investments or a home.

when you think about it if this has gone on 5 years that's at least 50k gone - what difference would that have made to the mortgage on the family home? he might just have a garden by now eh?

OP; you are doing a great job with a lot to cope with. Sorry but your dh sounds like a lazy, entitled spoilt arse. I agree with thehoneybadger - you need to be assertive and tell him in no uncertain terms what needs to happen.
Good luck.

It would help us to know:

Value of his house
Rental income of his house
Hi monthly mortgage payment

Value of your house
Potential rental income of your house
Your monthly mortgage cost

Sorry, that's probably a lot of info for an internet site. But it doesn't seem to make any sense. Are you sure he owns it? Are you sure the tenants are paying market value?

Maybe one way to do this is to go to a financial advisor. You'll need some advice at least on getting another mortgage etc anyway. Perhaps a professional opinion will sway him.

Ok, we have had a huge chat. I cannot stop crying, maybe it's pregnancy hormones but cooking dinner now and he is feeding our baby.

He agreed to back pay for the past few years and give me rent. I really don't want back pay but I told him I have been made a bit of a fool of. I found out he pays 400 after he gets their rent not 600

I earn 400 a month more than dh so I think I will ask him for 200 then that works out the exact same as if we had a joint account inc. what we pay the mortage companies but I don't wnt back pay.

I think it has finally sunk in. I said maybe we could seperate for a short while as I don't want him to feel resentful of me by if I was a lon parent I would have much more money. I really don't want a joint account as dh is a bit tight re. Clothes etc. I couldn't live like that.

We are going to talk to a bank manager soon and after everything dh has said maybe we should live in his house until school begins for DS and baby. We want to move back to this area eventually.

Phew .. Will let you know more.

Well that's a big step forward. Now you need him to come on board with housework.

has he GOT the back pay though? And if so, how much is it, and can it not be used to pay off some of the mortgage?
does he have savings and your using all your money? it sounds like a mess

Well yes, exactly - if he is offering back pay he must have it tucked in the sock. Not sure you were wise to turn it down...

He does have savings but so do I, only I have to buy a bigger car ith mine to fit a double buggy.

He is now going to use his savings to put. Kitchen into his house before we move in, his is rotten

how can he have savings whilst running a mortgage at a loss and abdicating from paying his share of the family home costs? that is insane. what planet would it seem ok on to be saving whilst not paying towards the mortgage of the house you live in? OR whilst having so big a mortgage you are running at 400 minimum loss on it every month?

Hi minty, we have had a full disclosure there now.

I had a lie down there for a while and let dh take over. I feel really hurt and resentful.

The thing is, I am the higher earner but I can't keep up full time work with two babies under a year and a half. Pay all the mortgage and half childcare.

Dh can't understand where my suddend upset has come from but it's like it's all hit me in the face today.

I know his parents think he's such a great man and everyone assumes he is the provider. My job is one of those classes as a 'little job' I'm sure to many.

I think the turning point was finding out I have new boss too. I know work is going to change and even giving the benefit of the doubt to the new boss, they are in it for the salary and ego boost and certainly not very professional. I end up doing a lot more than I should so going part time will get me out of this situation.

I will really resent it if I am still paying all of the mortage and working full time with two babies, doing all cooking, cleaning. Etc.

He seriously needs to think about what it means to be in an equal relationship. His refusal to understand is a bit of a deflection. You need to state the facts as they are. Be very clear about what you expect in the future and what needs to change for the relationship to remain viable. Have one joint account into which all income and outgoings are paid. Whatever is left in the pot is split in half and transfer to your own accounts.

Housework is split in half. If he just keeps walking around failing to understand then I would ask him to leave the family home and return when he does understand.