Relationship ended. Can't understand how he can be so indifferent about it.

[roadtorouen]

My 3 year relationship has just ended and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I ended it because I was fed up with him playing games and treating me like the bottom of his list. We didn't live together but I viewed it as a serious long term relationship. We had talked about marriage, kids, a future, everything. Now it's like I don't exist to him.

I am 26 and he is 32, so it's about the age people settle down. It used to be as near to perfect as I imagined a relationship could be. We did everything together, were really close. Then, about 6 months ago, he suddenly became distant. Didn't want to see me much or discuss things. Refused to book a holiday with me. Stopped acting the way he used to. I thought something was going on with a girl he works with but never got any proof of this. I just couldn't work out why he became so distant. Then he started lying about things (said he was going to wedding receptions/ birthday parties of work friends then I found out he'd actually been to nightclubs with work colleagues (men) who were about 10 years younger than him. I thought it seemed like he was hanging around with them to attract younger women.)

About a month ago, he stopped arranging to see me and wouldn't answer to my calls or texts until about a day after. I texted him several times trying to arrange a meeting to sort things out, as I knew it wasn't right. He ignored my requests and I eventually got a text saying "I'd like to be able to fix things but I can't think of any way around it. It feels strange and it won't be the same."

I replied "It won't be the same. If you wanted to fix things, you would have by now." I then decided that was it. I stopped contacting him. This was a week ago and I've heard nothing since.

It really hurts because it's like he doesn't care at all. He hasn't even tried to save the relationship and I've seen photos of him out in pubs with friends - he's not even bothered. How can someone change so much? It's as if 3 years meant nothing to him. What about all this talk of marrying me and a future together - did he not mean any of that? How can someone be so cold and indifferent towards someone they supposedly loved?

I feel like a disposable piece of rubbish. Thrown out and deleted from someone's life like I never even mattered. He has told so many lies about me that other people are basically applauding him. Probably told all his friends I was clingy and insecure, exactly what he used to say about his ex. Funny how it's ended right before my birthday so he didn't even have to take me out or buy me a card. I bet he doesn't even text me on my birthday either.

There is this anger inside me now that is building up and threatening to explode. I want to tell him exactly what I think of him but I can't. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how he's made me feel. I can't believe I wasted almost three years of my life on this person and it's crazy but at times I wonder what he's doing and find myself missing him.

Feel so sad, like it's never going to get better.

I didn't want to just read & run but I'm sure someone will be along soon who's had a similar experience.

Of course you feel sad at the moment & as if you won't ever feel better or get over this - it's only been a week. You need to allow yourself sometime. Please refrain from texting or messaging this pathetic man - do not show him that he's hurt you. Sadly, the chances are he won't care & won't give you the response you probably want.

I suppose the only positive you can take from this & focus on is that you didn't waste any more months / years on this heartless person.

Sending you hugs

So sorry you are going through this. It sounds as if he started to withdraw from the relationship a while ago. It may well be he took the cowards way out and forced the issue through his behaviour. You were left with no choice but to end the relationship...... Something he obviously didn't have the guts to do.

OP he ended it by the sound of it. That's why he isn't bothered. It's pretty shitty that he just stopped taking your calls after 3 years. You can do better than this coward I'm sure.

Wandering eye + Coward = Act like a prick and eventually she will dump me

It hurts but the reason he doesnt care is because he checked out months ago. On the up side you are in your prime and can get yourself a much better man that this arsehole.

I agree with everyone on here. His feelings for you obviously changed some time back but he didn't have the heart/balls to end it. He can't help how he feels. The relationship ran its course and now you have to have some time to grieve/be angry/cry until your strength returns and you can start to move on with your life. It hurts now, but it will get better given time.

im going through the same and hears to big hugs to you im so sad

omg i could have written this post myself it finished just before my birthday im so hurt by it too even though i think it be the best thing to happen its so sore and raw and he is my first love

Going through very similar Rouen, meeting up with him tomorrow. I just know he wants me to be the "bad guy".

Anything is better than being frozen out. It has to be. Hugs to you x

Some people are cowards and are unable to end a relationship and instead just start treating the other person badly. Sorry this has happened to you. I hope it feels better to get some of your feelings out on here. It feels crap now, but it will get better. Stay strong, definitely don't contact him, and try and do something nice for yourself this weekend.

Rouen I'm sorry to hear that. He sounds like the kind of idiot who can't face being the bad guy so just drifts away while simultaneously being a twat rather than being upfront and telling you it's not working.

I know it's hard now but keep your chin up and remember that he's the one with the problem, not you. You'll find someone else who appreciates you and doesn't behave like a tosser.

My ex did this to me. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

I handled it terribly and was rather pathetic. If I could have my time again this is what I would do:

1. Delete his number (even if you can remember it as it will remind you not to if you have to actually type it in).
2. Do not talk to his family/friends about it as even if they appear to be understanding they all go back to him and make you look awful.
3. Do everything you can to act like you've forgotten all about him. Even if you're still hurting and are having to act a lot you will eventually start to believe it and move on.
4. Go on a date. Even if it's just a random set up that you know will go nowhere. It's just for fun!
5. Hair cut, some new clothes, anything that will make you feel great.

I met my DH just under a year after evil ex did what yours has done and have never looked back

I find myself wanting to text him several times a day but not nice things. Angry things asking why he acted this way and ask why he didn't have the respect to meet me and discuss it rather than do it in a much crueler way. He owed me so much more.

I just want to say how I feel and what I think, for closure. But I know he would probably twist anything I said and tell other people that I'm crazy or something. He can never admit he's done anything wrong. It's driving me mad, I just want to text but I know I shouldnt.

You won't get closure by ranting at him. You will feel worse. Go non contact. Do not text him. It is hideous at the beginning of this process but I promise you, WILL get over this.

Sorry op

Don't waste anymore time on this asshole.

He finished the relationship 6 months ago.

Some people seem to feel nothing at the end of a relationship and in my personal experience (of similar) they have grieved it / checked out before you even know about it.

This is the worst kind of coward. Instead of talking to the other person about it, they keep it to themselves. As if the relationship is a one man show.

The best thing you can do OP, is nothing! Sounds like he checked out a while back and I am sure another woman was involved then!
If you text him and he doesn't reply (which he probably won't) you'll be even more upset!

I am sorry, it looks like he checked out months ago (probably around the time he was hooking up with the girl from work), hence his indifference now

You are simply on different pages

Don't demean yourself by chasing him and looking for "closure"

he is a liar,and has been all along. it's just that you have only just seen his true self (not the lovely self he showed you when it suited him)

he is a liar,and has been all along. it's just that you have only just seen his true self (not the lovely self he showed you when it suited him)

this is EXACTLY my experience.

People like this behave in whatever way serves them. one minute they love, adore you, would do anything for you...because they want you - want you to love them.

When they don;t want you anymore, they stop behaving that way.

It's hard to get to grips with because the selfishness and deceit is so mind boggling to anyone with a real heart but some people just do function on this level.

A similar thing happened to me 3 years ago. We'd been together 6 years, but he'd been getting more and more distant over the final year. Then he just stopped contacting and didn't return my calls.

My response was to keep my dignity and go NC. It was difficult and I was hurt at his unkindness and disrespect, but I did it. And 3 years on I'm happy - in fact i was happy after a few months as I realised I was better off on my own than with someone who didn't want to be with me.

Its not easy, but you'll do it. Keep posting on here when things get difficult or you just want to vent.

Everyone on here is right but I just wanted to say that your main priority is to arrange something fabulous for your birthday, even if it is something really lovely and quiet and indulgent with one or two good friends. Focus on that. happy birthday! and congratulations on losing the eejit.

I am sorry, but he has dumped you, as pps said. Over the last 6 months. That was the time he took to get over the relationship.

I don't think it's a good idea if you keep in contact, TBH. I do think it's easier to simply cut contact, otherwise it's just like an open wound.

You must let him go and concentrate on your life.

Adding my voice to this, he clearly switched off from the relationship a while ago but wasn't man enough to tell you properly.

Drop him and don't look back. Cut contact and don't torture yourself asking why it has happened or what he feels for you now.

The first time I had my heart properly broken was like this. I went on holiday and in the time I was away and after having sworn undying love to me, the guy met and fell passionately in love with someone else. When I got back he was too chicken to tell me so dragged it out over weeks basically treating me like shit and eventually stopped taking my calls. It tool a long time for the penny to drop that I had actually been dumped.

When she unceremoniously dumped him six months later I continued sleeping with him on and off for years, vainly wondered if he still had feelings for me. He didn't, and by the end my self esteem was in the toilet. Don't allow this to happen to you. Someone who doesn't value you enough to tell you honestly that he no longer loves you is not worthy of your attention. It will hurt a lot for a bit, but it will hurt for less time if you make a clean break.

You can text him or email or call all you like. I'm afraid you're not going to get any answers from him over this.

He's a coward. He isn't interested in telling you why or how. He doesn't care.

There probably isn't even an interesting why or how anyway. He probably just fancied someone else.

Don't bother with looking for answers from him. There aren't any solutions from him. He's dropped you without any care or concern. That's enough for you to know.

So, you can handle this and still keep your dignity. Please don't embarrass yourself by contacting him.

Take your time to grieve this relationship. Take time to do things for you that make you happy. Try not to think so much of him as it won't be helping you move on.

It's miserable, I know but it will be miserable for less time if you don't contact him and chop him out entirely.

You have been treated very badly by this man. Don't go back for more.

Why don't you post every 'ranty' text you want to send him on here.? The modern day equivalent of writing the letter you don't send? Get it out of your system. Because as others have said he checked out a long time ago and if you send him bitter texts he will just think how lucky he is nit to be with you anymore and that you are 'mad'
Yes you are 'mad' bloody furious in fact because of the way he behaved. He won't see that though.

As winky said, chop him out entirely. The alternative is to be hurt for a very long time.