The single life

[Yodabrussel]

So recent ex P came over tonight while I was out and cleared out the rest of his stuff - but kindly left all the cards, letters and sentimental little presents either me or my son had ever got him. Particularly hurtful was the Father's Day card my son gave him last year, which ex P was so chuffed with at the time, as he is (or rather was) his step dad not his real dad.

So, because I am determinedly trying to be brave and not wallow I'm thinking about all the good things about being single. Having the whole bed and TV to myself are good ones, but anyone got any more to add to my 'keeping positive' list ??

Not having to clear up someone else's clutter. The house gets tidy then it stays tidy!

Not being subject to their stinky toilet habits.

Eating what you like, when you like, without having to take someone else's tastes into account.

He sounds as though he has been carelessly hurtful btw, hope you are ok.

Why did he leave?

No judements or demands from a male.

Tidier house. Less washing, less shopping.

Freedom to come and go as you please. cook when you want, eat what you want. Nothinwithstanding DS obviously.

Do what you want. I don't know what your xp was like or the back story.

Why does that matter eekaman?

Watching whatever you want on telly, being able to do whatever you want whenever you want. Not having to ever feel guilty about anything. I've been on my own (living with my 2 dcs ) for 7 years & would really struggle now to live with someone else. I am sorry you are going through this but it honestly will get better x

No in law style relatives (no matter how lovely). Double the wardrobe space. A bedroom and decoration however you like. More time for yourself. Having a take away alone (amazing!). Watching what you want at the cinema/in DVD.

Oh and eventually, flirting if it so pleases you.

I missed out not having to account for someone else's insecurity.
My ex wasn't controlling but I rarely wear make up and do my hair. On the odd occasion I did I would get "what's that for...' etc. Genuine question. Usually I just had a spare 5 minutes and was feeling good about myself so made an effort. I like being able to do that now and have my mum (who I had to move back in with) tell me I look nice not question why I was bothering.

Oh Dirty I could I have forgotten about losing the awful in-laws!! That's a gem :)

Spending time on your own with your son. Going to bed whatever time you want. Watching what you want on telly. Eating what you want. Listening to your own music as loud as you want. Not having to compromise. Not getting angry with someone else for not pulling their weight.

throw anything he leaves (unless you can sell it).

best thing for me and daughter when we shrugged off her dad was the absence of the daily misery that descended on us when we heard his car going into the garage.

Not having to think of things to say to your (D)P when you approach your home because you know you have to talk but you have nothing to say.

Knowing your home is exactly how you left it that morning.

Less washing to hang out, put away.

Eating and cooking what you want, not having to accommodate his food-isms.

No more rows.

An sense of accomplishment when you sort out a problem within your own home, without him taking over, telling you what to do.

Having cupboard space.

That's for starters.

cupboard space? wardrobe space!

Much more toilet roll for longer! Hugely reduced electric and water bills.

Not been woken all hours of night on his return from work.

Nice! I'm loving all these. Particularly not having to account for someone else's insecurities or pander to their inexplicable bad moods. And the flirting with other men, when I'm finally get my head straight - that'll be nice!

He left because my son took £2 from his change pot without asking, but really he left because he is (I am now truly realising via Lundy Bancroft's excellent book) a very controlling and angry man. I'm sure therefore that this is for the best, but I'm cross with myself for missing him so much.

Freedom to spend and eat what you like .

Make decisions to do stuff, do it , then stand back and say 'I did that'. I love this part .

No presents to buy at Xmas and birthday- significant saving. Spend it on you and you DS.

Loads of nice special moments with you DS.

More drawer space.

Less smell.

Clear cellar.

Op - have you got a top 5 list yet?

Take all the sentimental gifts to charity and bin the cards and letters. Then settle down for an uninterrupted marathon Sex and the City session with wine and crisps...you're worth it!

Not having to get home from work to cook a meal then wash up (no DC)

More time for my lovely hobby.
Less washing
The hoard would be gone.
Not wondering what mood he will be in
Not getting 'told off' over ridiculous things, which then escalates into a big row
Not having to justify seeing family
Not having to listen to him complain about my family
Having more friends and more time for them
Having the bed to myself (and the cat)
Spending far far less on food

I could go on. Mine is still here atm but its heading towards him leaving

Not being let down. Not being late for family parties, weddings, big events because the misery guts is dragging his heels. Not sitti g in alone with 2 babies whilst he's partying and out of contact, coming home whenever the fancy takes him. Not having to worry about why he's text is from... Not being cheated on...

Aaaaah, bliss :)

How long have you got?

I don't think I could ever live with another man again.

I'll make a list of what I've found better since exP left when I get back from the school run. I'll have to do it room by room though as there is so much.

I've had great holidays with my DC since he left - at home, abroad, whatever, it's been fantastic just doing what we want to do, no sulking, misery, controlling/passive aggressive behaviour etc. Just enjoying each other's company and being much, MUCH closer than we would otherwise have been.

Autonomy, as far as possible. In EVERYTHING. Bliss!!

OK, decided not to post my list as it would have been loooong.

In short, there's more money, more fun, less mess, less stress, more relaxing, more freedom, more room.

I will never live with another bloke again.

Can you set up little treats for yourself - things he might have frowned on? Eg. a takeaway he wouldn't have liked, or watching a film he would have hated?

I'd have difficulty living with someone again. I hated the volume my ex played his music at - we weren't bloody teenagers.

Other good things:

• eating what I fancy when I'm hungry and not having to do "proper" meals unless I want to
• tidying up my own mess only (okay, and dd's on occasion)
• doing things to my schedule
• entire control over my own finances!
• not being affected by someone else's moods. Ex managed to destroy so many good times
• I can reall focus on dd: we spend hours playing card games and board games and reading stories.

Oh, and no football!

biblio oh I totally agree with you!

also ;

• no bloody wires, crap, old bits of tech rubbish (I have one fix it box now, works for me!! (and a number for a handyman that actually can fix things without 'bodging it' then swearing at it for 5 days!)
• having friends around the house
• not being shouted at EVERY day to 'hurry up'
• not having to answer phone calls and texts within 2 secs before being questioned where I was, why I'm not answering (slightly annoying when your in tesco with two manic kids trying to pay!) - happened alot!
• Can have a glass of vino!
• Can get a babysitter and go out (he was out 24/7, I was never allowed)

Omg, this actually a bit therapeutic!! :)