The single life

[Yodabrussel]

So recent ex P came over tonight while I was out and cleared out the rest of his stuff - but kindly left all the cards, letters and sentimental little presents either me or my son had ever got him. Particularly hurtful was the Father's Day card my son gave him last year, which ex P was so chuffed with at the time, as he is (or rather was) his step dad not his real dad.

So, because I am determinedly trying to be brave and not wallow I'm thinking about all the good things about being single. Having the whole bed and TV to myself are good ones, but anyone got any more to add to my 'keeping positive' list ??

No more having to constantly praise him for the most mudane tasks ever.

"Yes love, thank you for putting the potatoes in the oven. Yes, it was very helpful. Yes love, blah blah blah."

Anyone would have thought he'd personally solved world hunger by throwing 4 big spuds in the oven.

Having time for your DC and friends and family

Not having to listen to all his boring chat about his job and his hobbies

Not having to listen to him at all

Not having to pretend he had equal status in my heart to my DC

Not having to put up with being ignored when he was with his family

Not having to pay for most things because he was always in debt

Not having to put my life on hold because he had things to sort out

Not having to wait for him, because he couldn't ever be on time for anything

Not having to wait for him whilst he ate a loaf of toast

I was out with four married women last night - and it made me glad to be single. yes I know there are a lot of good marriages but all four if them had fairly major issues - infidelity, pestering for sex, not doing their share of looking after dc etc. It was lovely to know I was going home alone! I admit it's taken a while to get to that stage but it's worth it. I am more comfortable in my own skin than ever before.

YY.

Listening to most married couples tends to nip the odd lonelyness feeling in the bud sharpish.

Not watching the tv when you don't want to.

Not having the smell of cigarettes lingering on clothes...
Not having to have action movies on any more. Ever.
Not having to remove the pants he inexplicably chose to wash in the bath and leave on the towel rail in the bathroom
Not having to dread weekends any more because I knew that my plans to do something as a family would inevitably be railroaded at the last minute by his urgent need to go to the pub and drink with semi-strangers for the third or fourth time that week.
Not being nagged about not doing enough housework although I'd actually spent three or four hours washing his underwear, cleaning up his beer cans and generally being his skivvy.

This is fun, isn't it?

Whoever said they doubt they could go back to living with a man, I hear you.

I had never lived with anyone (in a romantic way) before my DH and was actually very happy living alone for the three years before I met him. I can't wait for the fun me and my DD will have living together.

The only thing I think I will miss is having someone around to remove spiders. That seriously does give me some alarm.

The rest he can keep :)

The spiders thing is easy to get used to.

They can't hurt you and it's for their own good to be outside as there's more food for them than inside.

I had to get over my fear when I was supposed to live somewhere where they bite and are usually poisonous. Realising then, picking up spiders with a card and glass, they can't hurt me and I have no choice but to get rid of them was the kick I needed to get over myself.

Naming them first also helps.

Smiles I am a major league arachnophobe. No amount of rationalisation that they won't hurt me will help.

If I could pay someone to be on call to remove them around the clock I would.

Ah, well you didn't say that in your post. I wouldn't had bothered otherwise.

Have you tried cbt? It's supposed to be good.

No. I'd rather just pretend they don't exist. I read an article by Caitlin Moran recently about going for therapy to get over her spider phobia (her and one of her daughters.) By the end of it she was able to have a tarantula walking over her hand.

I read it and thought that she can't have been a proper arachnophobe. I would rather jump off a tall building than have a spider walking on me, therapy or no therapy.

Anyway, I digress. That's about the only thing that concerns me about not having a bloke around.

Rope in a neighbour