Don't even know why I'm starting this thread, I just need to get it off my chest...
I fell completely and utterly in love with someone I worked with even though I was engaged to someone else (not a very happy and very violent abusive 7 years long relationship) and after being friends with him for well over 18 months we started a secret "affair". After it had started I ended my engagement because I had no intentions of staying after I'd cheated and to be honest it was just the final push I needed to actually leave my fiancé.
I was over the moon that we had started this new relationship together and even though I knew he was a ladies man and I knew it was purely sexual he started taking me on dates which messed about with my head and made me start to think that maybe he saw that it could be more which then made me want more - whixh was probably part of his plan to keep control of what was going on so that I would be putty in his handS and in hindsight now I can see that he only ever contacted me when he was bored or had no one else to have sex with but I was always there because I was so deeply in love with him and his actions and words lead me to believe everytime that he did want more - only to realise after a few days that he had just led me on again, then for me hate him only for after a few days to be back in love with him. And the cycle went round and round and round. I think all of this was exacerbated by the fact that I had to see him every single day in work and that combined with keeping it a secret from everyone else was utterly soul destroying and exhausting. After a few months he stopped sleeping with me but would still text me and act the same way he always had just no sex.
So I decided best thing was to move on and start dating other people. Which I was doing until he got wind of this and drew me back in and started sleeping with me again and then no sooner had he got his claws back in and I was back under his spell that he stopped again.
Fast forward 7 months from when it all started and he hands his notice in at work and leaves which was a huge relief because I knew I was going to have to move on and it would be so much easier to move on not having to see him everyday.
He'd been gone for about a month when one night (a few weeks ago) - after a bit too much to drink - I decide it's a good idea to invite him round. I'd missed seeing him and being in his arms so much and I just needed one more night with him and was secretly hoping that maybe now we weren't working together that maybe now we could become a couple. How stupid am I because it made no difference whatsoever. Despite acting like I was the only person in the world for him that night a few days later after I text him I got a pretty off hand and dismissive reply back which I tried to brush off as him being stressed or whatever. When it got to the 2nd and 3rd ignored message I thought that is it now I'm done with you.
So I sent him a goodbye message - probably in the vein hope that he'd come rushing after me which he didn't - but then really made an effort to move on with my life.
Then a few weeks after our last night of passion together I find out I'm pregnant. F*ing brilliant. There was never any doubt it my mind that I would be keeping the baby even though i pretty much knew I'd be doing it alone which was confirmed to me by him when he said he "couldn't be arsed" and to do "whatever you want". In the following week - this last week - I started developing problems and it was confirmed on Monday that I had miscarried over the weekend. So I tell him and he hasn't got one word to say to me. Regardless of whether the baby was his, he said he was my friend and so how could he, knowing that I have been in and out of hospital, not have the decency to ask if I'm okay.
I know I'm probably setting myself up for a massive fall and people will ask why I'm even surprised at what has happened and his behaviour and attitude but I just can't believe that the world has people who can sink so low as to be the way he has been. Please if anyone has anything to say be my guest. Berate at will...