DH upset with me- sex related

[Youcanneverknow]

This might be a bit too much information.

My DH is not speaking to me (apart from a few texts- he's in the train at the moment). He's saying "I don't get it" but I think I do, and I think he's being selfish. However he's put doubt in my mind so I thought id check on here.

Basically it started last night. My DH wanted to have an early night. I suggested we could have sex, but as I was waiting for the washing machine to finish I suggested he give me a foot rub for a bit.

When we got to bed I asked if he would give me a massage. But he rolled his eyes and sighed. The thing is, I've been on some medication which has suppressed my libido, and a massage really helps. I then said that's ok, maybe another night then as I didn't fancy a one sided quickie. & then tried to get to sleep. Now he's furious with me as he thinks I've held him to ransom and I didn't make him feel very wanted. Apparently I don't show him enough affection either. The thing is I'm so tired. I have 3 under 4, and get little help with the house. (My DH feeds the cat, that's about it). He works long hours too, but when he gets in from work he eats his dinner, steps over the mess & spends the rest if the evening on his laptop.

I'm fed up now. He got up for work hasn't said a word to me and will only make up when I've apologised.

But he's not a mind reader!

Communicate. Blimey.

I agree that it sounds like things are not at all equal around the home - he is clearly doing fuck all.

BUT THAT IS A SEPARATE ISSUE!!!

If you are pissed off about lack of help around the house, then you talk about how you are pissed off because they are not helping around the house.

If you are pissed off because they spend all night ignoring you on the laptop, then you talk about that issue.

If you don't want to have sex with your partner because they are being lazy bastards, then you don't say "shall we have sex then".

I would agree with some of the other posters here if the OP had said;

"we both know my medication means I take a bit of warming up, so perhaps we could kiss for a while to raise temperatures, or we could use our hands on each other, or you could do that thing with my boobs that I love whilst we make out"

and her partner had sulked because he wasn't getting to stick his peen in.

But that isn't what happened. The OP was concerned purely PURELY with her own pleasure. Foot rub, then a massage...etc.

FOREPLAY IS A TWO WAY STREET.

Like I said, if you're pissed off about the dishes or whatever, don't invite your partner to bed - talk about the sodding dishes!!!

She wasn't just concerned with her own pleasure - sex is a two way pleasure, she was simply asking for some extra help to get in the mood.

Life is a two way street. It's not just you scratch my back I'll scratch yours it's: you do all my washing/cooking/childrearing & I'll give you a massage so that you feel up for the sex that I want to have.

Haha I would love a foot rub and a massage before sex each time!

Sex was her idea wasn't it?

Washing machines are automatic anyway, I simply don't understand the 'have to wait until it finishes' part, they turn themselves off. Clothes can be hung out in the morning - the world won't stop turning.

It's just making him wait more (would say the same if it was a her being made to wait) and if the washing really needed to be drying that night have sex then put it in the dryer.

It's all power control. Those saying she's an unpaid paid how??? She does not "work" she's looks after the children and house a tradition role that she has decided to do while he works.. I say that as a stay at home mother my self with my husband working often 12 hour days.

Complete separate washing and sex! If he feels she gives him no attention but yet she gets foot rubs of course his going to me miffed I would be!