DH upset with me- sex related

[Youcanneverknow]

This might be a bit too much information.

My DH is not speaking to me (apart from a few texts- he's in the train at the moment). He's saying "I don't get it" but I think I do, and I think he's being selfish. However he's put doubt in my mind so I thought id check on here.

Basically it started last night. My DH wanted to have an early night. I suggested we could have sex, but as I was waiting for the washing machine to finish I suggested he give me a foot rub for a bit.

When we got to bed I asked if he would give me a massage. But he rolled his eyes and sighed. The thing is, I've been on some medication which has suppressed my libido, and a massage really helps. I then said that's ok, maybe another night then as I didn't fancy a one sided quickie. & then tried to get to sleep. Now he's furious with me as he thinks I've held him to ransom and I didn't make him feel very wanted. Apparently I don't show him enough affection either. The thing is I'm so tired. I have 3 under 4, and get little help with the house. (My DH feeds the cat, that's about it). He works long hours too, but when he gets in from work he eats his dinner, steps over the mess & spends the rest if the evening on his laptop.

I'm fed up now. He got up for work hasn't said a word to me and will only make up when I've apologised.

Of course!! That's what the op needs, A SPELL.
Of course!!

Hmm Prophet Baz sounds like the real deal right enough.

He rolled his eyes! He didn't say "ok, but after the massage can we...?" or "instead of a massage why don't we...?"

I've no idea what you're reading Kay.

The OP was 'only interested in pleasure which was a one way street'? Eh? She said she would have sex with him - that's a two way pleasure, she just asked for a bit of massage to get her in the mood. Is that too much to ask? Not from my husband.

When he rolled his eyes to indicate he wasn't going to do this, she didn't want to have sex because the pleasure would be on his side alone & she wouldn't enjoy it. That's fair enough.

So she said 'ok another night' which is perfectly fair and her husband had the strop.

If my husband rolled his eyes at me, he'd be sorting himself out.

She changed her in a petulant strop because her husband didn't automatically obey her every whim without her giving him anything in return!

Eh???? From where are you deducing this lurid alternative version of events?

And I still think it might have been rather more conducive to getting her into the mood if he took over the damn washing machine himself. Having to plough through domestic chores/postpone them and know you've got to get around to them later doesn't count in my great list of erotic experiences.

She suggested sex. He gave her the foot massage she requested. She then said no.

What's hard to understand why he got upset? Doh!
Exactly!
He gave her the foot massage she requested....Then she requests ANOTHER massage and when H didn't respond she takes sex off the menu,
How many hoops does the bloke have to jump through to get a shag for heavens sake.

,
"How many hoops does the bloke have to jump through to get a shag for heavens sake."

FFS.

If a partner of mine expected a foot rub before sex I would tell them where to get off. No thanks, not for me.

What about him doing jack shite at home, he eats his dinner (which you've probably made) and that's it?

Blimey, no wonder you don't want to have sex with him.

He won't speak to you until you apologise.. really?

What a horrible man OP.

I think you are both as bad as each other!

You don't give each enough attention. You are not communicating with each other. You were both too tired to have sex . You sulked last night. He's sulking this morning.

the most important thing is he should want to make you feel good.

The best relationships are when the other person feels good because they have made you feel good.

You're libido is lowered and as long as he's aware of this he should want to help. If you're aroused, sex should be better for him too.

Surely that would be a win win situation?

It really bugs me too when a man thinks just because he gets a pay cheque he is 'working' more than a SAHM.

How would he feel if he had to get up in the night for work if he usually works a day shift?
How would he feel if he had all his breaks taken off him?

I bet a lot more hard done by! :)

Sorry Ledkr, I didn't mean to come across as offended by your post, I meant to come across a bit more fun and surprised so sorry I got the tone wrong.
That said, given you've got 5 children I am genuinely in awe that you manage (presumably regular?) spontaneous sex! And I still suggest you share your secrets, or even publish then in a book, I'm sure many people would be very interested how you manage it only semi joking
I personally love a scheduled event, sex or other. I like knowing what's going to happen when, within reason of course. Each to their own right?

Doesn't OP mean that the one sided quickie would be in her H's favour as she wasn't in the mood as he wouldn't massage her as requested? Some people appear to be reading it wrong as if she were after a quickie? She wanted a massage to get her in the mood to have sex. Surely her H should have thought that a great idea as he would get sex after?

OP. you need to discuss it with him, explain that you want sex but struggle to get in the mood due to the mess and that he can help out with a sexy massage. Spell it out to him. Ask him what he thinks about the situation. Be honest with each other.

kiki my dh is ten years younger.
Need I say more?
Seriously though, it's certainly hard and I'm often tired but I do like it to at least seem as if he just cannot resist me rather than a scheduled appointment!.

Sex on the washing machine might have been the way to go. No waiting. Washing machine massage. Good vibrations all round.

Kaykayblue, good post. Was thinking similar.

the most important thing is he should want to make you feel good

This works both ways - SHE should want to make him feel good too!

Her H is right 'she doesn't get it'

If my dh said lets have sex but after I've done the washing so can you give me a footrub (which I wouldn't I hate feet) but I did it then he did the washing and we got in bed and he wanted a back rub I would certainly be a bit heh!

Surely you could of both laid there on your sides kissing and stroking each other's back as a mutual kind of foreplay rather than face down rub my back then I will roll over for you kind of thing.

Op said the dh works long hours, yes so does she with the children but his told her he feels like her gets no affection yet she gets foot rubs etc and he gets sex maybe if he does X,Y,Z but he has to do it with a smile on his face otherwise half way though sex is taken away and she got what she wanted (footrub)

Your dh wanted an early night.

You wanted:

1. Wait for the washing machine
2. Footrub
3. Massage
4. Sex.

Out of your wishes, it seems to me you got 1 and 2, so you had half of your demands met, your dh did not get an early night, so he go nothing!

Are you always this demanding and lacking in consideration?

Yes, waiting for the washing machine to finish is so, so selfish on the OP's point.

Well quite. MI. She washes his clothes, she cooks his food, she looks after the house, she bore his children and looks after them singlehandedly, but she is not apparently entitled to ask for a massage.

Do people really believe she suggested sex purely for her own sake given that she wasn't actually turned on and her libido is low?

I reckon she suggested it as she thought he would like it, but of course she can't forget her post as laundry maid, so she must wait for the end of the cycle. If he doesn't want to wait for sex he could always wash his own clothes, no?

Well then OP would be advised to stop suggesting sex when she's not in the mood and start suggesting her DH does some housework.

Surely the answer to that, then, is "Don't bother about the washing machine I'll do it later?"

(This may be why my partner does our washing...)