Was I in the wrong? Made dh angry enough to storm off in public

[DirkGentlysSecretary]

I started a thread a couple of days ago about dh, can't link as on phone but will try to post the link later.

Today he just walked off on me in the supermarket. I'd had to go and help my mum do some shopping somewhere else but both dh and I needed to go to the supermarket so arranged to meet there later, him bringing the kids. We arranged to meet just inside the entrance but i couldn't see him so got on with my shopping.

Halfway through I saw him walking out of the supermarket with a big shopping bag and thought Oh no, he's finished? I should hurry up and finish. He texted as I was paying, I told him where I was (usually no phone signal there) and went to meet him but he'd vanished somewhere inside the supermarket again.

When he found me he was really pissed off,, muttering about wasted time. I said I'd thought we were meeting inside, he said obviously outside, he's been waiting for ages and hadn't even started shopping. I said we needed better communication, as I was sure he meant inside. He was stroppy (obviously waiting 20 mins with a 5 & 3 year old is pretty horrible and I did feel bad.

I offered to wait with the trolley (already paid for my stuff so didn't want to risk taking it through tills again and looking like a shoplifter! ) and kids then swap at the end and pay for the shopping as I wanted to steal the nectar points. He just said, "go home, I've had enough of you, just go." I said I really didn't mind waiting and I wanted to pay rather than make him pay by he just shouted at me to go home and leave him alone, he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I took oldest home, and he stormed off with youngest in the buggy, wouldn't let me take him, just stormed off

I know I probably came across a bit stroppy with my better communication comment, but I calmly offered a solution and offered to pay and he just stormed off. That's not right is it? He got home a minute ago and my heart is thumping as I don't want to talk to him/get shouted at/ignored (probably ignored)

From bitter experience I can tell you the amount of work you are having to do to navigate a basic path through each day, will wipe you out. You need to go zero tolerance on his behaviour and not reward it with any sign of sensitive reaction; double checking yourself; apologising etc etc. If he gets upset by something you have done then he simply needs to tell you and you have an opportunity to apologise. No need for all the histrionics or abusive statements. He is trying to tell you in his family he was allowed to behave like a petulant child when life wasn't going his way and that it was the job of his family members to suck it up until he felt better. Tough luck there's 4 people in his new family and 3 of them think its not on to behave like that. Can his family not help out with some money so he could go home and get a bit of 'time out' with them. You might well find things flow just fine with him out of the way but either way it will give both of you space to think about your plans for the future.

I have read both your threads and I'm sorry but your husband sounds like a complete sorry.

It reminds me of Maxine in Hollyoaks...

You are in an abusive relationship.
Please call Woman's Aid or confide in someone in rl.

Today me and the OH to an open garden to buy some plants.

We parked up as we needed some cash and the OH locked me in the car [took the keys and locked it by mistake - habit], wandered into the co-op and I looked to my left and there was a cash machine right there. I tried to text him but there was no signal. He came out of the co-op and I was gesticulating to him with fervour, and he looked right at me and because I was gesticulating, it set the alarm off. He looked straight at me again, pointed to another cash machine, turned the alarm off and wandered in the other direction. I got out the car, got some money out for myself and then he came back 5 mins later with some cash.

Now, did either of us rant, rave and storm off. No - we collapsed in fits of laughter at his numptyness and were laughing so much at him that we missed the Open Garden sign and drove straight past.

That is how to deal with your partner being a numpty, not abuse, insults and storming off and massive hissy fits.

On the way home ds1 says he doesn't want a daddy anymore. Could we have a new one? Or could we have no daddy?

Your son has told you how it is. I hope you have the courage to follow through and separate from this arsehole.

The fact he is foreign and contact with the children will thus be limited is an amazing blessing.

You now have the opportunity to undo all the damage he has done to your kids and create the happy childhood that you didn't have yourself.

I have no doubt that your awful step-parents played a part in your marrying this tosser. I guess they normalised the abnormal and the abusive.

Please see the situation for what it is and save your family.

However, do make sure you keep hold of your dc's passport.