Violation of privacy?

[Exsqueezemeplease]

Would you think that your DP/DH secretly checking your emails, texts, and looking for your threads on MN as an invasion of your privacy? Out of order? Or understandable if he knew you weren't happy and wanted to know what you were thinking?

I wouldn't have an issue with DH doing any if that. I rod have an issue with him doing it in secret.

There is a method called conversation, he should start by using that rather than snooping.

Out of order and controlling.

He could ask you what's wrong.

My ex did this. He was also abusive in other ways, but this put me off keeping in touch with friends and I got very isolated.

Hugely invasive. A violation indeed. Everyone needs to have a space to let off steam and talk nonsense. I would and have ended relationships for this.

Are you the spy or the spied on?

I know what you mean about putting you off talking. I don't want to text my friends. I've changed my MN nickname so many times I'm having an identity crisis - but he will no doubt read this soon enough.

And boy does he hate me posting on MN.

Spied on.

Now we've split up I get the odd angry email about how I talk about him on mumsnet all day.
It's an easy mistake to make - there are a great deal of twunty exes around and they behave in similar ways - but u don't mention him very often.

You can use incognito/private browsing I believe, so he can't 'cyber-follow' you? You can also delete texts and call history.... but you really shouldn't have to. Password protect your phone and PC account, and tell him there is a human right to a private life that he is breaching so you're having to take steps to protect it...

I do private browsing but he still finds me. As he told me, he's "very good at tech". I'm not.

I don't think it helps that we share an icloud account.

Is there any reason at all for him spying ?

Just thinking of threads where women have found a text from their DP to other women and are advised to do a bit more snooping. Just wondering if he is suspicious of anything .

Has he got a key logger?

I think the 'I'm very good at tech' comment is deeply unpleasant and disturbing.

Not casting aspersions on you Op but has he read something and got the wrong end of the stick.

I'd be fuming if someone spied on me . Have you asked him why he's doing this?

Doinmummy - he has no grounds to suspect I'm having an affair - because I'm not. But it has occured to me that MNers are often advised to snoop when they suspect their DPs and for that reason I've restrained myself from being too outraged by his snooping. But I still wanted opinions.

He's doing it because he knows I'm thinking of leaving him and he wants to know what I'm saying to my friends and on mumsnet.

DH is welcome to see any emails, texts or mn posts but I'd be massively pissed off if he did it without asking and against my wishes.
Awful

X-posted.
Does he not understand that it's more likely to make you leave?

Is he a private investigator being paid by someone to spy on you?

It's what it looks like to me! (Just kidding)

I'm guessing key logger. Google how to detect them.

But, yes, if he has no reason or doubt you, then he is just being a tosser.

Have you had a proper discussion about how you feel? it might put him out of his misery .

Y'know, if you just leave him, then you solve all the problems, including his!