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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you love your DH/DP?

101 replies

IWalkInTheSun · 10/06/2014 23:06

how much? Could you imagine life without? what is it that makes you love him/her?

To expand: looking back at rel that have ended: can you see weather it was love but didn't work out or was it not really love?

OP posts:

Preciousbane · 12/06/2014 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PPaka · 12/06/2014 00:07

No, and I'm not sure I ever did
I think I just got caught up in the attention

DoingItForMyself · 12/06/2014 00:13

Yes and I tell him every day. Been together nearly two years and clicked right from the first date. He says I'm his best bud! We just fit in so many ways, not just physically, but sexually, emotionally, sense of humour, everything. We are so alike and support each other in a way I never ahead with my ex husband.

I miss my dp when I don't see him for a day, so I know that life without him would feel very empty indeed. He sometimes goes away for a week with work and it feels like a really long time, despite daily calls.

We don't live together due to DCs and school logistics, but this gives us the opportunity to miss each other sometimes which I think helps to give us some perspective on things. We get a break from those little niggles which can cause issues and we both have a bit of space to ourselves.

I must have loved xh as I was so hurt that he didn't seem to love me, but when I see him now I don't get why! I'm glad that we had the DCs but I look at him now and feel nothing.

When I think back to previous boyfriends I can see why I loved them, even one particularly abusive one, whereas I think things went so bad with xh that all the love died and there was nothing left. He never really 'got' me and I didn't get what made him tick either, just a really bad match. Classic case of marry in haste repent at leisure.

kazza446 · 12/06/2014 00:13

No. I don't think I do, not in the heart stopping, tummy turning way. We just exist, more like flat mates / lodgers. Very rarely talk and he shows very little interest in me. I'm here for my kids. Couldn't bear a life of having to share them at Christmas etc. He's a good Dad so I just get on with it.

DoingItForMyself · 12/06/2014 00:19

IWalk, I often wonder how much being together a long time and having DCs puts too much strain on a couple. I know there are people, like some PPs, who manage to keep a relationship happy long term, but it seems that there are so many being made miserable in a long term situation that they feel stuck with, it just seems that it's not natural to spend your whole life with one person.

mrsfollowill · 12/06/2014 00:24

Could not contemplate life without him- together over 20 yrs - he sometimes irritates me, eats too noisily, is sooo clumsy but he is my rock and I am his I know damn well I have numerous faults as well.

I still look forward to seeing him and jump up when I hear his key in the lock! Gah I'm making self vom!

readyforno2 · 12/06/2014 00:31

I do. Absolutely.
We were best friends as teenagers then got together and he is my favourite person in the world (apart from the dc's but they are a part of me so don't count)
He's funny, reliable (mostly) and so caring.
I could carry on without him for the kids but would be devastated.
He works offshore and is away for four weeks at a time and I miss him terribly.

CuttedUpPear · 12/06/2014 00:34

No I don't think I do.
Someone who can't manage to listen to anything at all that I say, even to the end of a short sentence, doesn't deserve my love.
He has been so preoccupied with himself for so long, leaving me to manage with life on my own, that he has let our love wither away.

Original poster

IWalkInTheSun · 12/06/2014 00:40

"I think I just got caught up in the attention" ... Gosh how perfectly put.

OP posts:

ElBombero · 12/06/2014 00:53

Nope and getting married in 11 months. But with 2 children under 2 I need him. But no don't love him and regret the day I settled for him against all advice. He's selfish, stupid, disrespectful, and has zero social skills

livingzuid · 12/06/2014 00:57

OP I understand what you mean about it being hard work and whether that is supposed to be normal. With XH it was so difficult I thought I was going mad. Did not love him, was pressured into a wedding I didn't want. So much effort to just have a basic conversation about what to have for dinner. Terrible looking back that I thought that was normal.

With now DH. It's so easy. Not life as we've had everything possible pretty much chucked at us as a couple in the last 3 1/2 years from being in different countries, financial woes, serious illness, infertility, family angst, through to nearly losing our baby 24 hours after she was born. And throughout it he has been my rock, my hero, my soulmate and my everything. The difficulties we have faced have made us stronger as a couple and individuals rather than push us apart. We face challenges hand in hand and work through things together. He has saved my life and I am a better person because of him and his empathy and understanding. And he makes me laugh like no one else :) we complement each other and provide balance for one another. I am in love with him and desire him every day.

That all sounds quite gushing but having just gone through the trauma of living in icu with our baby for what felt like eternity I feel particularly open on the subject right now. I don't know what I would have done without dh then or ever really. Life only felt like living once I met him.

Some people I know would find it too full on etc which is fair enough, but for me it's what I always wanted in my life partner.

LuluJakey1 · 12/06/2014 06:32

Elbombero Oh no, please don't marry him! You are better off alone. He will just continue to be the way he is. And the children deserve to see their mum being treated well, respected and loved.

belagh · 12/06/2014 06:42

No I don't and it is something he regrets everyday.

overmydeadbody · 12/06/2014 06:48

Elbombero don't marry him. You don't have to you know. It will make your life harder, not easier, being married to someone you don't love.

overmydeadbody · 12/06/2014 06:48

I love my DP so much it hurts, and I know he feels the same way. He just click together and bring out the best in each other. We are getting married in two months.

Bowlersarm · 12/06/2014 06:52

Yes I do. After 25 years together my heart skips a beat when I hear his key in the door or his voice on the phone. Or catch his eye at a party. We are best friends, and there is nothing he doesn't know about me, and I'm certain vice versa.

He rocks my world.

I would survive without him. I'm not sure how long it would take for my heart to mend. I assume it would.

Bowlersarm · 12/06/2014 06:52

He rocks my world.

I would survive without him. I'm not sure how long it would take for my heart to mend. I assume it would.

Bowlersarm · 12/06/2014 06:53

Oh sorry about the double post

Best1sWest · 12/06/2014 07:08

Yes I do. 30 years together this year.He' s lovely, funny, kind. He's had some health issues this year and it has made us both appreciate what we've got especially this week with Rik Mayall dying as they are the same age. Please don't stay with a man you don't love. Life is too short to be unhappy.

weebarra · 12/06/2014 07:19

Absolutely. We've been together since we were 17. He is my best friend and he just gets me. When I was first diagnosed with cancer 9 months ago, he told me that he could cope with anything as long as he had me. We've been through an awful lot together, including nearly losing DS2 at ten days old and it has only made us stronger.

Xcountry · 12/06/2014 07:21

I love DH with all my heart, I don't know about other relationships because we have been together since I was 13 and he was 15. I cant see my life without him in it in some way, we have been to hell and back several times over but we did it together.

We fight and we argue and our relationship is far from perfect but its perfect for us, with all its flaws. We fight because we are passionate and want to work it out if we didn't fight I would think he didn't care. We walk out and slam doors and rive off in a huff afterwards but always come back and sort it out because sometimes a bit of space can help.

He's strong and supportive emotionally and physically and he might be crap at housework but he fixes my car and he is good at the DIY stuff that needs doing. He is an actively involved father - everything mine wasn't, and I cant imagine the kids being without him either.

He takes care of his family and no matter what his shift at work has thrown at him, he comes through the door with his arms open grinning at his children but just occasionally I catch something in his eye that lets me know its been a rough shift.

Physically he is tall, muscly, blonde and tanned, looks amazing in his uniform but is just gorgeous all the time. I'm just as 'in' love with him as I was back in highschool and attraction hasn't faded 15 years on.

We eloped and got married when I was 17 and didn't tell anyone for ages but I married my best friend, everything just feels natural with him. Although its no picnic at times, I don't think Marriage has been hard but I think life has, and the things we have faced together would have driven me to take my own life had I faced them alone.

HidingFromDD · 12/06/2014 07:39

Xh I loved for 20 years. Sadly 5 years of no effort or interest (from him) killed that. When he finally realised I was actually really thinking of leaving he did change, but there was nothing left in me to rekindle. Was very sad but I always knew I could live happily without him.
XP I loved with a passion and intensity that I don't think will happen again, of the 'I don't want to live without him' type. Sadly he proved to be a knob, we've managed to remain friends somehow though, and the feeling is now a mixture of affection and exasperation.
DP is different to both. We've only been together a year, and don't live together so it's early days, but this love is different to both the others, probably because, for the first time, it feels completely equal. I think in a large part it's because we both show love the same way. I feel cherished. At 51, having given up on ever feeling that way, it's very nice

aylesburyduck · 12/06/2014 07:42

Without question. I love him dearly.

My true love hath my heart and I have his.

Of course, when he leaves every bloody kitchen cupboard door open I could cheerfully murder him but I love the bones of the fella

BeckAndCall · 12/06/2014 07:52

I'm the door leaver open in our house, aylesbury and suspect I have been for thirty years! Drives DH mad but I just don't see it! I won't tell you all the things that he does that drive me mad...

We've been together for 30 years and although I think I could live without him - unfortunately a couple of friends already find themselves in that position - I don't want to. I love him better than I did when we got married - I still love it when he gets home in the evening and he's still gorgeous.

But more than that, we are walking through life together....

For a long time after we got married, maybe as much as 15 years, I had a recurring dream ( once every couple of years) that I married someone else ( no one in particular) and I'd wake up panicked. Then see DH lying there and the relief was huge. I don't feel any different now....

Blithereens · 12/06/2014 07:57

With everything I have. He's the most wonderful human being on the planet. He'd tell me that's rot but I believe it There's just nobody I'd rather talk to, laugh with, have on my team, or in my bed

I usually don't like people at first (I have some social issues) but I adored him straight away. Lucky me he felt the same :)

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