Do you think married men more often just flirt for fun/ego boost or are they usually looking to cheat?

[theuniverseandstuff]

I know a guy who I have to have regular contact with through my job, he’s always been very friendly and since I’ve known him we have became friends but in the last couple of months he seems to have changed a bit and become more flirty.

There's been nothing really bad but he asked for my phone number and now sometimes texts me in the evenings and at weekends, he makes the odd suggestive comment and and has started some quite personal conversations about sex and stuff before and also once told me he had a dream about me but then refused to tell me what had happened in it.

We are both married, I know it's probably wrong as if I am honest I wouldn’t like my dh talking to someone like this I but have to admit I haven't really discouraged him although I have no intention of doing anything.

I’m just worried that he might think it’s more than it is and want to know whether he sees this as I do (a bit of harmless attention) or whether he is thinking/hoping something is going to happen

Please stop now, this will get out of hand. How would your DH feel if he saw your texts, how you think his DW would feel?

If you carry on and either of your spouses find out, the decision as to how this impacts on your marriages could be taken out of your hands.

"I know it's probably wrong as if I am honest I wouldn’t like my dh talking to someone like this "

I think you have your answer. If you wouldn't like DH to
do this to you ask yourself why are you doing it to him?

If you value your marriage you must put a damper on this "friendship" immediately. Friendly banter at work is fine, but personal texts are way out of line.

It reads like he is planing to cheat, if you give him the chance. The ball is in your court , so to speak.

depends if its worth potentially risking your marriage over. You could always ask him to stop texting

in answer to your opening question, yes I think married men and women can and do happily flirt for a bit of attention / fun and can be just that, especially if its with random anonymous person in a bar that you'll never see again. The rest of your post is a bit more than that though and I think (from personal experience) you are heading into danger. You may know in your head what you want but given the right circumstances, what you describe could lead on and then....

Its my experience that men who do this are ALWAYS looking to cheat.

It's not really about what "married men" do or don't do, is it? What you are describing is a mutual crossing of the line, if I'm reading it right.

Yes, the question should be: do married women more often just flirt for fun/ego boost or are they usually looking to cheat?

Maybe you should think about what is lacking in your marriage and how you can fix it. A friend of mine cheated on her husband, who found out and quickly divorced her. I had to support her through her years of remorse and the reason for the cheating was that they had problems that neither of them were addressing.

Flirting/being friendly when you see one another is one thing, but asking for & exchanging phone numbers is about more than flirting & I don't see how you could have thought nothing would come of that!?

Stop this now and attend to your marriage

Or end your marriage and then you can be as flirty as you like.

Ffs!

I feel sorry for your husband.

As others have said, it would be best to stop this now.

Yes stop it now.

You sound a bit bored with DH. Why did you give this guy your number?
My answer would be Yes, this new texty bloke wouldn't turn down some extra marital sex if it were offered. But I think you know that.
You already know what you SHOULD do - don't encourage this any more than you already have.

I don't know what your DH is like from your message, maybe he's a nice bloke, in which case he doesn't deserve this. If he's a shit and probably does deserve it, this blokes wife doesn't. All too messy. You're playing a risky game.

So you're married and are continuing inappropriate text conversations, yet think its married men who have a problem?

Just stop an drink about what you're doing.

think

I’m not saying it’s men who have the problem I’m asking because although I know it’s a bit inappropriate, i know that I don’t want any more or to physically cheat and I want to know if it’s likely he feels the same

Some men are very flirtatious - it's not necessarily wrong to flirt. But I think flirtatious texting is way out of hand.

No one except him knows if he's going to cheat, but I'd assume from his texts, that it is on his mind.

I had a similar thing with our car mechanic. He started sending me unnecessary texts, the minute he crossed the line I deleted his number and found another garage. I've since found out that he has had numerous affairs. Married people shouldn't be sending texts of that nature to anyone other than their spouse.

He may or may not be deliberately looking to cheat, but the "baby steps" route to an affair is pretty common. What starts off as just a few fun texts becomes regular texting, and then one boundary after another falls (imperceptibly, over months).

You don't need to worry about what he's looking for (as he may not know himself, and it might change anyhow).

What is important is at you think these texts could be crossing your boundaries. So nip it in the bud. Don't reply. Or do so late and boringly.

I think I must have minimised it myself a bit and it has probably been the baby steps thing of not seeming too bad at the time but putting it all together and it's worse

A lot of the messages I would be fine with my dh seeing, some I know he wouldn't be happy with

Many people flirt for the ego boost and don't actually want to cross the line into anything physical, whether single or married.

It ultimately comes down to boundaries and respect, for themselves, their partner (if applicable) and the person on the receiving end of their flirtation. It's never appropriate if anyone feels uncomfortable or is being disrespected as a result of the flirtation. If partners don't know about texts, that's a sure fire indicator of lack of respect and therefore a massive red flag.

Anyone who shows some sort of intention towards someone else is planning to cheat if they get the opportunity IMO.

no, please don't do this if you value your marriage.
The original question is unimportant