Do you think married men more often just flirt for fun/ego boost or are they usually looking to cheat?

[theuniverseandstuff]

I know a guy who I have to have regular contact with through my job, he’s always been very friendly and since I’ve known him we have became friends but in the last couple of months he seems to have changed a bit and become more flirty.

There's been nothing really bad but he asked for my phone number and now sometimes texts me in the evenings and at weekends, he makes the odd suggestive comment and and has started some quite personal conversations about sex and stuff before and also once told me he had a dream about me but then refused to tell me what had happened in it.

We are both married, I know it's probably wrong as if I am honest I wouldn’t like my dh talking to someone like this I but have to admit I haven't really discouraged him although I have no intention of doing anything.

I’m just worried that he might think it’s more than it is and want to know whether he sees this as I do (a bit of harmless attention) or whether he is thinking/hoping something is going to happen

I hate to say it but it does sound as though this guys behaviour has piqued your interest.

Lottie no I'm not interested in him, more worried that i've let it get to a stage where he thinks I am

Tell him that then. Tell him you're worried that the level of communication is getting a little inappropriate and sorry if he's got the wrong idea but he's making you feel a little uncomfortable with the friendship and best not to text anymore.

Are you ok with that?

I could but think would be a bit awkward and expect he would say that he didn't have any intention of anything happening and I'd be a bit embarrassed.

It's why I was asking really whether it's likely that he doesn't

Every time you answer a text,or don't give a firm reply that you think the nature if his texts has become inappropriate then you fuel it - and you know that already don't you ?So do something about it,and stop pretending your not getting a buzz out of it and becoming more 'interested' in him.Imagine his wife finding the texts between you then ringing you to ask what the hell is going on between you and him.Because even if he has initiated most of it she will still regard you as complicit.
It irrelevant why he is behaving like this.It's how you behave in response that counts,and matters to your DH should he ever find out.
I have experience of this.I found out about very flirtatious and sexually suggestive texts between my DH and another woman when her devestated DH phoned my DH when I was with him.It almost ended our long and previously happy marriage.

IMO I think there is a big difference between a bit of verbal banter , and when you exchange numbers. and if dodgy texts start being exchange then it changes the situation totally. I can honestly say I have quite a few blokes I know thru work,socially or friends husbands etc that we have a laugh together. But it is all said in jest and its left there. But when it's written down , and possibly being hidden from your other half, its wrong.

6 of one....

Feeling a "bit embarrassed" at telling him you think he ought to stop the inappropriate texting will be nothing compared to the feelings you'll have if anyone finds those texts and assumes you are enjoying it all.

Just put an end to it ASAP.

What's wrong with a simple 'let's stop the texting now please - I don't think it 's appropriate' and then block his number

Why not just do that?

Oh and of course he's looking for more he wouldn't be bothering otherwise

Just stop it now OP before it gets out of hand

There are lots of ways to handle this. Probably one of the most effective but face-saving would be to text him saying you've been reading through your past texts with fresh eyes following a chat with your girlfriends about how innocently meant texts can appear to others. Say you know he's not interested because he's a married man, but you're worried that you've given him the impression that you might be and even though you're not because you love your DH you want to apologise for any embarrassment that may have unintentionally caused him.

No one admits to anything but the cards are firmly on the table.

OP I'm sure the attention feels nice but if you're posting on here I think you know it's crossed some line - whether or not you would ever physically cheat. If it's at a point where someone would get hurt if they saw then it isn't harmless anymore.

I just posted a thread on here (I can see how easily affairs can start) about how I totally get how innocent texts can be the start of a slippery slope precisely because it's so easy to convince yourself it's nothing.

yes, great suggestions here about sending a text to stop the texting

The easiest thing to do is just ignore his texts - he will soon get the message and you won't have to embarrass yourself by trying to explain why you don't want to engage in texting anymore. Easy.

Stop trying to shift the blame, you have been receptive to his advances which means you are as bad as each other.

Yes OP, he thinks this will go further.

To you, this is a flirtatious bit of fun. Some flattery and the feeling of being desired, with absolutely no intention on it going anywhere.
To him, this is leading somewhere, and you are giving him the green light.

OP from the sounds of it the real question you are asking is "I am enjoying the attention and thrill of this flirtation. Can I keep on doing it without having to go any further and without him wanting more?"

I have been in this position before, and I wasn't happy in my relationship. The flirting was replacing the attention and affection my DP wasn't giving to me and it felt good. It really was as simple as that.

You need to work on your marriage. Talk to your DH and figure out together how you (and probably him too- after all, a lot of your thought and time has been diverted elsewhere) can feel appreciated, fulfilled and excited again.

Then you won't care if this man ever texts you again. In fact you will hope he doesn't.

I flirt with women from time to time. Actually, I'll restate that: Women sometimes flirt with me (I'm not that good at it - though my wife tells me that the awkwardness I display comes across as quite endearing and only seems to encourage them)

It does boost your ego a little bit. Just for the record though, I would NEVER EVER give my phone number to another woman without good reason.

I do from time to time text the wife of a good friend. It was never ever anything inappropriate. I was sort of aware that they were having some problems. I didn't tell my wife I was texting her, but also didn't hide my phone. My wife found the messages and whilst she wasn't annoyed or hurt, she did say that she wasn't too comfortable with the exchanges - which principally involved me telling my friends wife that although he could sometimes be a little thoughtless, he was fundamentally a good egg.

What you're doing op (in my opinion) is wrong.

im amazed at how many people know what this man thinks... the only person who can answer your question is him. you have been receptive to his requests - its not the man who wants more from you, its the opposite way around love.

I want to know if it’s likely he feels the same
Why does it matter to you how he feels about it? How can we here ever know how he feels about it?

What matters is how you feel about it and how your DH would feel about it - act on those feelings, not those of the married man who is clearly hoping to shag you one day.

If you're looking for permission to carry on you've come to the wrong place.

Ok you think it's probably wrong, don't want anything to happen but have done nothing to discourage him....? Think you really do actually like the sneaking about behind your partner's back and the sexual innuendo's or you simply would not be partaking so stop the crap, you know it's wrong.

The amount of couples I have known and do know, most of the cheaters were married, the unmarried couples had more moral compass than any of the married ones, how sad is that.

"OP from the sounds of it the real question you are asking is "I am enjoying the attention and thrill of this flirtation. Can I keep on doing it without having to go any further and without him wanting more?""

MrsLion I have to admit this probably is the question if i'm honest

Have taken your advice and reduced contact a lot this week

Good. How often was he texting ?

Every day Sylvana

Well, that's not normal contact. No man would invest that would time and effort into anything unless he thought there was a chance of getting his leg over. You are doing the right thing.