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Relationships

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Original poster

signs of something suspicious or my own paranoia?

78 replies

sprite25 · 04/06/2014 16:32

Me and DH have issues, it's a long story. Today we go out as its pissing down he puts his phone in my bag or it gets wet in his pocket. I (innocently) see a new txt from a number not a name saying 'but I do worry about you, your my bestie xxx' I know calling someone your bestie mean best friend but I know his best friend and he would never put x's at the end. When we got home DH took his phone into bathroom when he had a shower (which he NEVER does) and then when I quickly looked again it had gone. Usually if he has a txt or call from just a number he will ask if I know the number in case it's someone we know if not he will delete it. Do you think it's suspicious or just a wrong number maybe?

OP posts:

FantasticButtocks · 04/06/2014 19:30

I would have asked him at the time you actually saw it. 'Ooh, who's your bestie? Who is all worried about you? and why are they worried?' and taken it from there.

BUT

Me and DH have issues, it's a long story. That long story might have a bearing on what is to be done next, i.e. talk directly to him? or keep quiet and gather more information?

bubalou · 04/06/2014 20:43

I had something similar happen with an arsehole ex years ago. (A friend had told me they had kissed at a party I was also at!! )

I said something - everything was all denied and I stayed with him obviously having no proof at all.

But I had a feeling so I played it completely cool - no jealousy, no letting him see me check his phone, no questions etc.

It only took a month but he soon became complacent and left his phone upstairs when he went to make a drink one day. I found a message from who it was I knew he had been texting.

So..... I text her. Told her I knew everything and she admitted it.

I told him to show me his phonebill and sure enough the night of the party there were messages back and forth between them. And I went back to his house that night! Cheeky fucker!!!!

Original poster

sprite25 · 04/06/2014 20:53

I called DM explained the situation and she convinced me to confront him. I didn't do it angrily or anything just explained how I saw it and before I even finished saying it he said it was the wrong number. He said he knew things wernt great between us but he would never do that. When I said about him running off into the other room with the phone he said he was just on his way to the bathroom to shower and txt the number back asking who it was, it was someone he didn't know so said it was wrong number so ddeleted it. All perfectly innocent....

OP posts:

littlegreenlight1 · 04/06/2014 21:00

Im sorry, I dont know the situation but that does sound like absolute BS it really does :(

cozietoesie · 04/06/2014 21:00

Maybe so. Could you use this as a catalyst to get some real dialogue going between you though? If you have issues as you said in your OP.

littlegreenlight1 · 04/06/2014 21:01

and sorry that was a bit presumptuous, you obviously know the man! Does that sound true to you?

MissBooBoo · 04/06/2014 21:34

what kind of phone is it? samsung?

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 04/06/2014 21:36

Haha you really didn't fall for that one did you.

That was a reply to a text that you saw-part of a conversation. To send a reply you type the message and hit send. No number is needed. It replies to the number the original message came from.
He must think you are really stupid to make up an excuse like that

Pinkballoon · 04/06/2014 22:07

If you do manage to get hold of the phone…… you just do a search on one of the words that was in the text from this person e.g. bestie. Even if he did delete the text, part of the text will reappear along with the number that it came from. This is what I did….. and then rang the number - straight through to the OW (one of many!) He used to take his phone to the bathroom too! Sorry, that was my experience. It might all be totally innocent in your case.

redmimi · 04/06/2014 22:26

I would be suspicious too but in the past month I have had messages from two people who had got the wrong number, one sending me wishes for a good day with kisses and another person telling me he'd arrived safely. Both times I just replied saying sorry wrong number. Honestly can't remember if I mentioned to DH. Good friend recently thought she had sent a text to her DH saying he'd forgotten his lunch and she could drop it off. She'd saved his work number one digit out and was hounded for a week by someone wanting to know who she was, we did say what if someone's wife thought she was OW! Hope you can resolve.

FatherJake · 05/06/2014 05:25

Sounds a bit dodgy but at the same time would be odd, I think, for an OW to be signing off as his bestie. If he's lying it's probably a female mate he's got close to rather than an affair.

Redglitter · 05/06/2014 05:53

The fact it came from just a number not a name could be an indication he's telling the truth. You'd think if it was someone he was in regular contact with he'd have their number saved not necessarily as their correct name but as something.

The fact he asked you to keep his unlocked phone in your bag I'd say is a good sign. would he do that if there was a risk ow would contact him?

at the end of the day it's what you think that matters. You're the one that knows him and you saw how he responded when you asked him.

If you believe him then forget about it as just one of these things

pilates · 05/06/2014 06:45

I would still be suspicious. Do you/husband receive a bill online for his phone that you could check? You say you have "issues" has he been unfaithful to you before?

Gingerandcocoa · 05/06/2014 08:11

I've never seen someone send a REPLY to a wrong number. If it was an initial text, like "Hey buddy, how are you?", fine, I could believe it. But not a reply.

You should tell him: "since it's a wrong number I'm sure you won't mind ordering an itemised bill and showing it to me, then"

happystory · 05/06/2014 09:14

Hmmm yes, I always think it's 'convenient' that texts from a wrong number always say something significant like this and never 'can you get some milk?' etc...

Summat's afoot here, sorry.

myroomisatip · 05/06/2014 12:14

Good point happystory.

Surely you don't believe that explanation?

Jan45 · 05/06/2014 12:41

Oh my utter crap, no way would you take an electronic device into a bathroom unless it was urgent, and yes, why would you reply to a wrong number - it's not even remotely believable.

Busybusybust · 05/06/2014 12:49

And who doesn't already have their 'bestie's' phone number in their phone?

Redglitter · 05/06/2014 13:03

I've often taken my phone into the bathroom and I have to admit on the 2 occasions I've had a wrong number text I've texted them back so they knew they had a wrong no and didn't think the intended recipient was ignoring them

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 05/06/2014 13:13

It does seem a shaky explanation. Besties would generally not sent a response to a wrong number, as they would just reply to the initial text (not to mention already have the number in their contacts).

Still seems a bit fishy. Especially that he interrupted you mid question to say right away it was a wrong number - much like he'd already anticipated what to say if you asked.

VanitasVanitatum · 05/06/2014 14:16

Definitely not a wrong number, how could it be? The person would hit reply as it's obviously mid conversation.

Too late to prove anything now unless you get an itemised bill, but I would keep a very subtle eye on his phone. It sounds like a friendship rather than an OW but these things can so easily get too intimate and become an EA. Maybe this will shake him enough to stop the process.

Original poster

sprite25 · 05/06/2014 14:16

It wasn't that he interrupted me mid question, just seemed to answer really quickly. I asked him about it again and he swears it was just a wrong number and he had no idea who it was. If I know him as a person at all I would say he's telling the truth but Im still going to keep my eyes and ears open as someone else said. To be fair since it happened he has gone back to normal and has left me alone with his phone several times

OP posts:

Jan45 · 05/06/2014 14:31

Well yes he now knows you are onto him so would be half daft to leave any evidence.

Worldofjumblesales · 05/06/2014 14:46

Is it really that unusual to take a mobile or tablet into the bathroom? I do it all the time, mostly because, dare I admit it, i like to browse twitter and FB while on the loo. I also play music sometimes, when I take a shower,etc.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/06/2014 14:49

So do you feel better OP? Put at ease?

I have read other threads by posters wonderiing whether they are paranoid. The advice is often always trust your instincts - they are trying to tell you something.

Any distancing/detachment would be a red flag. Or sudden overt displays of affection or bursts of unusual generosity.

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