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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's not going to text is he?

105 replies

Unrequitedrequited · 01/06/2014 23:16

(Wo)manned up and told lovely guy I liked him more than is should so I didn't want to see him anymore. He has been my friend for a long time - mutual friend of ex dh (we separated 4 years ago).

If spent months pining for him before and i was trying to stop myself developing feelings for him again.

He told me he didn't know if he wanted me to stop having feelings for him and said he wanted to see me again to 'see how things went'. Then he told me he'd always had feelings for me and that he'd had to watch me and ex dh get together and split up when I would have been much better suited to him.

He asked me If I wanted to watch a film with him and I said yes. But I haven't Hearn anything from him since. It's been two days.

It's totally ridiculous but I have no appetite at all and I feel physically sick.
Now I'm miserable and waiting to hear from him but wishing he had just left things in a way . If he wasn't sure wouldn't it have been the easy way out for him?

Sorry this is so long, trying to condense it all and not leave out any thing relevant is tricky.

Shit. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Naicecuppatea · 03/06/2014 16:34

How long ago did you ask When? Give the man a chance! Fingers crossed.

SuchSweetSorrow · 03/06/2014 16:36

how long ago did you txt him?

Original poster
Unrequitedrequited · 03/06/2014 16:37

I can't believe it, right back where I started except now I feel like i've made myself look super needy as well!

Suppose it's quite funny really.

Am I overreacting to think he's not that keen then and it's be better to leave it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Unrequitedrequited · 03/06/2014 16:38

2 hours ago

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 03/06/2014 16:43

I'd leave it now.
You were brave and sent the text.
It's definitely up to him now.
Don't hold your breath though.
NEXT!!!!

Bagpussss · 03/06/2014 16:45

Leave it be now it's only been 2 hours, he might text you later when he is home from work and relaxing. If he don't text you back by tomorrow then back right off and busy yourself, let him wonder what you are up too and make the move.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 03/06/2014 16:54

Well the balls in his court now tbh if you don't a response by the morning I would consider that he is messing you around a bit and I would leave it there.

livingzuid · 03/06/2014 16:55

In the nicest possible way, this thread is an example of massively over thinking things. If I showed this to my dh to get a male response as to why he hasn't texted back yet, he'd a) be confused as to why this 2 hours thing is even an issue and b) say he is busy, out with friends, in a meeting, at the shops, etc. Presumably the guy has a life? :)

I really remember the agony of will he won't he. Honestly I think men are far more straightforward about things. He's said yes so you will have a date fixed soon. No, you don't want to be psycho person sending 10,00000 texts a day with a declaration of undying love and the rings picked out, but honestly in this day and age a woman is perfectly entitled to contact a man she likes and ask him out. No game playing bullshit. If he likes you, he'll let you know. If he doesn't you'll also know. Men are flattered to be asked out.

Good luck!

TalisaMaegyr · 03/06/2014 16:57

Just wait and see what happens - it was only a couple of hours ago, he might be in a meeting or something.

How quickly does he usually respond to texts?

BitOutOfPractice · 03/06/2014 16:59

Give the guy a chance - I assume he's a at work!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 03/06/2014 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jaynebxl · 03/06/2014 17:27

Oo well done! Hope he replies with a date soon.

TalisaMaegyr · 04/06/2014 07:19

Have you heard anything OP?

Greenrexine · 04/06/2014 08:48

This is so simple. If a normal sort of man is interested, there is no ambiguity, you will know. Even if you corner them into a date, you're just wasting your time.

GottaGetThisOut · 04/06/2014 08:56

He's just not that into you.

Sorry but if a bloke is interested he leaves you in no doubt - especially when it comes to arranging a first date. If he was 100% keen he'd be champing at the bit to meet up.

I'd back off now and cast your net a bit wider.

Gingerandcocoa · 04/06/2014 09:55

Agree with the two PPs, he doesn't seem to be into you. Time to move on!

Maisie0 · 04/06/2014 11:09

At this point, you are entitled to write something like, "WELL, IF you ever want to see that movie, DO text me."

If he has been spoilt before, and he doesn't know this kind of courtesy then...

PlantsAndFlowers · 04/06/2014 11:11

Oh god NO!!!! I definitely wouldn't send another text!

Naicecuppatea · 04/06/2014 11:13

No more texts for sure. He will get in touch if he wants to.

teaandthorazine · 04/06/2014 11:35

Do NOT do as Maisie suggests!

You've made your move, unfortunately it seems as if he doesn't want to take things any further. I agree that anything other than 'he's just not that into you' is overthinking on a deluded scale. Sorry OP, it feels horrid when something like this happens but it's his loss, not yours.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 04/06/2014 11:43

Don't text again. Delete his number so you won't be tempted

OldBagWantsNewBag · 04/06/2014 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maisie0 · 04/06/2014 14:32

This is because he said "yes"... but he has not specified a date.

Anyway, whether it is this guy or it is someone else, you still need to carry on with life, and you cannot invest emotions onto him right now, unless he moves it forward.

This is based on the fact that you know each other well, and I presume that you can indeed have open heart conversations. Normally, I would tease the guy that I feel close to, so that he plods along. But only if you guys are already close, and if you know that he can take a joke.

It's different when it is not a stranger, and this is not a human thing. If human thing, then we'd all be able to talk to one another like we are doing here which is quite openly and honestly. Lol !

ForeskinHyena · 04/06/2014 14:45

He said yes because he was prompted. It's really his turn to show some enthusiasm and for OP to step back and consider letting it go.

This is not some 'rules' bollocks, we are all for women making a move, but you need to leave some room for reciprocation, otherwise he might get swept along by politeness when he has no intention of taking things further, which helps nobody.

He's just not that into you is supposed to be liberating, it's not an insult, just a fact. Someone else will come along who is as keen as you OP and when it's right you won't need to second-guess or play games.

Maisie0 · 04/06/2014 15:40

But this situation is different though, because they have known each for like 4 years. FOUR years... It is not like some random online dating scenario, which is also different. I guess it is down to the OP's perception of how their friendship were before.

He told me he didn't know if he wanted me to stop having feelings for him and said he wanted to see me again to 'see how things went'. Then he told me he'd always had feelings for me and that he'd had to watch me and ex dh get together and split up when I would have been much better suited to him.

This tells me that there are affections there, but the same dating rules apply, and if each person like the other person and why still stand. How do you both get on, and how well you bring out the best out of one another also still stand too.

To be honest, I definitively dislike that term "he is not that into you". I don't get it, and nor do I want to get it. It makes it so confusing for anyone to ever even just be civilised. You know know if someone likes you in a romantic context or not. If it is not that way, then it normally does not happen. Being civilised and polite is very different to a personal intimate relationship. So it should be too. Why would that line be liberating ? If you assume that it is supposed to be liberating then you assume that all guys can be into you and have a possible relationship with you, but I do not see it that way. To me, chemistry is not down to actions alone, but personalities compatibility.

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