I cheated! ruined my life!

[danderson0581]

My names Dan and i cheated on my wife. We have been together over 8 years married almost 2 and have a 6 year old son.
3 months ago I entered into an affair. It lasted for 2 weeks. DW found out about it and since then my actions have not only devastated her but changed her enormously. After the affair came out I initially denied a lot of things in some vain attempt at self protection. I couldn't believe what I had done. I spent a few days on the sofa and then moved to the spare room. I could see every day the sadness and hurt she was going through and the guilt and remorse was bleeding through me. After a week in the spare room DW asked me to come back to the marital bed. We started cuddling again and were close again. Until I found out that she has started texting another man. I can understand why. I've crushed her. That was the moment I knew that she didn't want to try any more. And who could blame her. My paranoia and jealousy because of this other man has overcome me. I thought she wanted to try. As times gone on I found myself pushing for an answer if we were gonna officially give it another try. During this whole time there's been a lot of emotions from both me in particular. Then a fortnight ago which was about 2 months after the affair DW told me she doesn't love me any more and wants me out. I'm guilty of not giving her space to digest what's happend and constantly trying to show how sorry I am hoping she would believe my sorrow. All that did was push what little chance there was away. I moved out of the family home last Monday. I stay here on the weekends as it stands until I get my own place. I have destroyed our life. We were very happy had normal issues but nothing that warranted cheating. I can't look at my son as I've ripped his mummy and daddy apart. I breakdown 5-6 times a day as the guilt shame and sorrow over comes me. I don't know why I had the affair I had been faithful for 8 years and never even thought about cheating. Life was fantastic. Amazing. I had a wife that loved me dearly and I've obliterated it and her. Now from initially being ok with me and still getting on she can not even look at me it's like she's only just found out again but worse. I know I've made my bed and have to lie in it but the reason I'm on here is because I don't have anyone. My wife has a great family who will support her what ever she does fantastic friends and now the destraction of another man telling her how amazing and sexy she is etc. I miss my wife so much it hurts. I am truly regretful remorseful abd ashamed of my actions of the lead up and during the affair. I got shown some attention by someone and i wrongly acted on it and for some reason didn't get out of it. I would give anything for another chance at this but its too late. She's made her decision. She wants devorce. She's gone from loving me to not loving me in 2 weeks. I've done too much to her and its irreparable. The woman I love dearly and cherish I have destroyed and now I'm very worried about her she is not herself now at all. I hope that one day whenever that may be we get another chance at this. I f'ed up big time. I've destroyed a family. I've lost my family unit. And her family that treated me as on of theirs I've s##t on them too. She seems to be handling this very well no emotion short sharp answers. Someone I was close to for 8 years and now she doesn't even want me speaking to her. I know I'm gonna get so much abuse on here but the shame and regret I feel is undescribable. I now have nothing, not a penny to my name and sleeping in my mates kids room. I miss my family and my wife so much. She seems to be moving on now. I am struggling. Struggling to come to terms with what I did and why I did it. Lost everything basically for a couple of shags! I deserve it all I know that but even people like me need support and guidance as at the moment I'm getting none. I miss my wife dearly!

Dan

I know this post is from 2014 but I found myself in similar situation.

Over a year ago I received a txt message from one of my new customers who invited me for a “kiss and a cuddle” saying she’s happily married but lonely. Initially I declined in very mild and polite way. I saw her about a month later and become very nervous, because I had some work booked to do at her place I said to myself I can’t be that nervous when I’m doing the job at height. I stopped by and asked if she’s ok and it went on from there. We started txting each other heavily. It got to the point we met, kissed and shared some intimacy, never actually sexual intercourse but despite that there is no excuse for what I did.

We were meant to go out for dinner and kayaking one evening when her husband discovered what we were up to. After it all came out I nearly lost my job, felt terribly bad and remorseful. I didn’t want an easy way out and felt it being unfair on her and admitted to what I’ve done.

After initial shock she proved really strong and we had what I can describe a honeymoon. Then holiday finished, school and work started and I didn’t try hard enough. September went and in October her manager saw her cry and offered talk that soon lead to frequent conversations, txting and eventually sex.

When I felt our relationship will be saved and better then ever before, I finally got over my struggle with myself and felt I can give more then ever before and then I discovered her affair.

Now, a year later of my devastating discovery I struggle with depression, mood swings I don’t seem to control and never need so messed up in my entire life.

Cheating was single biggest mistake of my life, it changed me and I will regret it for the rest of my life.

To say “cheating is not with it” is massive understatement. It can ruin your life, it can ruin your partners life and change things forever.

There is a lot in media, tv series and films about cheating, but often colourised and “grass is greener on the other side” not always showing the aftermath of and sheer damage it causes.

I would like to think I learned from my mistake, but I’m far from being over it, I struggle to move on and be my “normal” self.

Bullshit thread. I reckon his stbx is on MN and hoping she'll read it.
If she is and reading this then don't get back with him and good on you for dealing with it appropriately.

Zombie thread from 2014

I'm such a failure at Mumsnet. I've lurked for ages, joined and just keep looking like a pleb :')

You need to use paragraphs!!!

I just couldn't read all this, sorry. Managed through your last post though. You aren't in love with your wife. I have had many relationships. The one I am in now, I would never look at another man. You are looking at other women. It's a death knoll. Sorry